Category: Prison Journal

[463 + 267]

Bart Whitaker killed his mother, brother, and tried to kill his father. He was sentenced to death and set for Feb 2018, but was granted clemency. wtf. But interesting is that the victim’s family got a say when their message was one of violence and revenge, but they have no input when it’s a request for leniency. Oh, his father who was a target of his, was requesting commutation to life w/o parole.

Did cook’s assistant work this morning: prepped fritters and corn dogs, etc. Andrew was hanging around and talking more sexual innuendo. Oh, he also said that adorable-but-dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks Jordan got kicked back to D&E for smoking K2. What a dipshit.

CBS had a segment on The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Thanks Baby Boomers! There have been so many monuments given to the world by past generations. The Baby Boomers gave the world/country a full-looted Social Security fund, a ruined democracy/republic, an out-of-control and over-militarized police force, and The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Need to work on this as a thesis a bit.

Three trucks came in today. My whole body aches. Took long nap after a shower. Skipping shitty-ass fish dinner. Note to self: get an info sheet on the item #, manufacturer names, etc. on the fish. I want to include the % of actual fish meat to grease & breading ratio in the book.

The story about Jordan was a lie – like pretty much everything that comes out of Andrew’s mouth. I saw dumb-ass Jordan half-dressed advertising his ass on the yard earlier.

460 down, 270 to go

Happy Fucking New Year. The one good thing about 2019 (foreseeable at this point anyway) is that I’ll be able to leave this Nebraskan-infested Hell nine month from now. 460 days are complete and 270 to go. My resolution this year is simply to make it out of here alive and not too bitter and hateful. I have the other ongoing action plan of self-improvement items, but they started long before today and will continue past any calendar boundaries. I do not count any of these things as New Year resolutions.

Watching some NE commercial “1011 Cares” that says “let’s take some time to appreciate how wonderful our country is.” Haha, I guess if you’re a clueless, privileged Nebraskan.

Last night had a long conversation with Cuba(3). He was in a 5-year enlistment in Cuba when he was in his 20s. Four years into that, after coming back from fighting in Nicaragua and being forced to leave is 17yo cousin’s body on the ground, he decided to flee their military and country. He ran in Cuba for six months and then escaped to the US. He was kept on a military base for awhile and debriefed. He had a lot to say about communism and capitalism. He said he is 60 years old now. Interesting guy, but kind of hard to understand sometimes. His real name is SG.

It seems that everyone who is from Cuba gets the nickname Cuba. He’s third such Cuba that I have had a conversation with and another two that I know of in here, but never wrote about in my journal (and thus did not assign them a number). Cuba(1) was the old guy at OCC J3B wing who had the fight with C-Note (the slap fest) and Cuba(2) was LL, roommate at OCC J3B, room 4.

Talked to DP. We discussed “Deadbook” some more. I’m liking the idea. Maybe “Memorial Book” is a better name. Also sent him a birthday card today. He and J leave for Las Vegas next Friday.

Got a nice nap in – killed about two hours. Idea: make a list of movies where drug use is portrayed as a recreational activity without crime or deprivation or addiction.

Attended AA/NA meeting. It was called at about 7:25 and we started around 7:30pm. I have mixed feelings about going to these. First I feel kind of phony because I hardly believe this stuff. I don’t think my use of drugs came from anger, resentment, or emotional disturbance. I used them because they helped with weight control and they made the sex phenomenal. It also gave me more hours in the work day to get work-work and house-work done.

Tonight we talked about personal inventory and using it to make sure we don’t have strong emotions. It seems like this program is just trying to neuter people. Probably some people need this and the program works for their personality types and preferred locus of control. Ironically, we also talked about the spiritual axiom: “if you experience an emotional disturbance, the cause is always yourself”. This implies an internal locus of control, which the 12-step programs eschews (“we are powerless”). Anyway, I’m glad this program is here every week so I can avoid begging for an outside ride to a meeting. I hope I’m not being unethical by going to these meetings and just making up a false contribution. I guess I should try to be as real as possible and take what I can that is good and helpful about the program without being honest about my doubts and criticisms so I ruin the experience or create doubt for those who fully enjoy the powerlessness and exportation of responsibility. If not I will get kicked out and fail to achieve the State’s requirement to dance for them.

I’m thankful that it seems like there will be an NA/AA meeting here every week. Hopefully that will count for my the hoops I have to meet for my captors.

I’m liking this show “The Gifted” on Fox 42. Wish I had seen it from the beginning. It has “Bill” from True Blood and a hot blond guy as his mutant son. Mmmmm… he’s dreamy and I love Marvel.

Sat, 1 Dec 2018 [429 + 301]

Fucking kitchen. Breakfast almost got me killed. People were acting nuts over a damned dry tasteless piece of coffee cake. The staff allowed each person one piece (one piece of coffee cake as a grown man’s entire breakfast!) and the pieces were irregularly cut – some were like 3″ x 3″ and other were 3″ x 1.5″ and others where 1.5″ x 1.5″). One huge black guy started pounding his chest demanding more than everyone else got. One of the other guys grabbed a plastic bag and give him three pieces and then he got two pieces on a tray. I refused to participate. I clarified with the staff (Chiffon) that only one piece per person. Another black guy got pissed when I said I can’t and someone else gave it to him. Later he came back and threatened me non-specifically – just that I was expected to give them whatever and not tell on them. A white guy also got pissy – I can’t remember when he said exactly, but very nasty. At lunch I got called a pinga by the Hispanic dishwasher. Oh, also a veiled threat from the old black dishwasher: “didn’t I know better as a convict?” I told Chiffon that I wanted a new job or shift. She said talk to Belinda on Monday. Ok, Erik and Woods also got pissy and tried to lure me into stealing along with them.

Later BJ (from my OCC SAU class) got in trouble with CCCL police for coming back into the kitchen after he’d eaten – probably to steal food with W. The guard asked for both of their IDs. BJ gave it, but tried to walk away and refused to stay per the guards instructions. I think they called for backup. I heard his name over the kitchen staff’s radios. What a dumb ass. No cognition going on upstairs.

George H.W. Bush dead at 94 last night. RIP. President Dumpster Fire even halfway decent about it for once.

No mail today – Nebraskans too lazy to deliver the mail on Saturdays now. No prescriptions either.

Nebraskans are lazy. Too lazy to do the actual work of justice.: collecting and assessing facts and finding the truth. So as lazy people usually do, they make things very easy for themselves. They avoid the work of determining who is really a drug delivered and just say that anything with drugs is a drug deliverer. They’re lazy about their politics: they’ll vote for any moron with “Republican” on their nameplate. They’ll believe any negative things about a person if it matches a lazy stereotype they have about a group of people. They won’t deliver mail on Saturdays. (Research: how much of their crop lands are being paid by the rest of the country to sit unused?] They make it a huge public relations assault that they are uniquely American (they call themselves the “Heartland”) and hardworking, but as the case with lazy people, there is no work put into substantiating their wild claims. Ben Sasse in his book offers a very lazy answer to complex problems of culture and economics in America: too much loneliness. When asked questions in prison, they will give you a fast (and usually wrong) answer to get you out of their office because they’re too lazy to do the work of generating a correct answer. The same thing happened when my mom and sister came to visit – they got a different, lazy answer from every lazy guard they encountered. When she tried to buy a roll of quarters from a local bank and a local grocery store, both were too lazy to walk back and get a roll of quarters for her. <<insert previous section on the laziness of Nurse Hatchett>>.

I’m going to start calling my crime a “religious crime” akin to adultery, homosexuality, prostitution, gambling, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes. Fucking degenerate Nebraskans. They are my mortal enemies from now until the end of time. Though my battles will likely be conducted with ideas and the pen where there only weapon or tactic is violence.

Other title/thesis ideas: “730 days in captivity”, “703 days in Hell”, “Law without Justice”, or “The Laziest Americans”.

So far I really hate this place. None of the advertised benefits came to pass. No canteen so far. The kitchen job is excruciating – both the dullness and insufficient amount of work for the number of people stuff into the small space, but also being pushed into the middle of ridiculously small portions given by the State of Nebraska to working men, half of whom as vicious criminals. Actually “feral inmates” was the phrase that ran through my head this morning when it happened.

Nebraska’s proving “intent to deliver” is as thorough as playing Clue and guessing at the result after only one round.

Sun, 2 Dec 2018 [430 + 300]

The kitchen misery gets worse. Today threatened by an Hispanic guy in the eating line as well as E from the kitchen. The kitchen didn’t get going until about 4:15 because the lazy kitchen staff didn’t show up and half the inmates were late. The dishwasher crew didn’t know how to run the dishwasher. A Hispanic guy came through the line (he’s a friend of my bunkmate) and asked for extra oatmeal. I gave him a quarter scoop more but he wasn’t satisfied. As the non-kitchen officer was standing there, I expected she would handle it, but she didn’t say anything until he walked off mumbling. Then she said “did you just threaten me?” He said “no, him” and pointed to me. Then she returned to her position as stone gargoyle.

Last night I went to take a shower and Drew was in there. He immaturely kicked a chair in front of the door and yelled “I want to shower alone”. I sat outside and waited.

?? missing page ??

The non-kitchen officer pushed me twice to take a break. I asked D if he wanted to go first. He said something about E. I said I didn’t know how long he’d be gone. He said he didn’t want to go yet so I said I’ll go then. Then he started crying about being left alone. (He wasn’t.. the officer said she would pass out the food). Apparently D went and presented it to E as if I told her E was taking too long on break. Then he threatens me with something like a “when I tell you something you’ll certainly understand what I mean” or something like that. The implication being that what he said would be an act of violence – just like a lazy Nebraskan – violent and controlling. He proceeded to whine for another few minutes.

Still no prescriptions. No bank card. No canteen. No case plan. This place is far more miserable than OCC. Lincoln, in general, seems like a miserable place full of miserable people subjecting every other person to their misery. And to top off all the miserableness described so far, there is no Downton Abbey for a second week in a row. Fuck Nebraska and its lazy and hateful citizens. Perhaps another title idea for my book: Citizens of Hell.

Bad weather here (snow and apparently some time type of flooding). Good. I wish this state and its hateful, lazy people the worst of outcomes. I would happily drown with them if I knew it took all of them.

Talked to the food service director about getting off the front line because of the threats from people who tried to get me to steal for them. She said she had people starting this week and would switch me to something else. The Spanish dishwasher was grabbing his own food out of the pancake tray. The old super-tall and gangly black guy from this unit gave me an evil sneer like he wanted to murder me. He tried to order me to give him an extra scoop of cheese. He flat out demanded it. I refused as I was the only allowed to give him one 2oz scoop. I can foresee my own death because of a goddamn scoop of cheese. But if my choices are more time in Nebraska for getting caught stealing for these losers and death, I’ll choose death. Kitchen staff was shorted on food again today. We got no Cole slaw or pears. Wallraven said “sorry” (but he clearly was not sorry and wasn’t going to do anything to remediate the missing food). Thank God – two days off after today.

The food here is much higher quality (well except that chicken gravy) than DEC or OCC. However, the quantity is much lower, like maybe 60-70% of what was given at OCC. I’d rather go with the quality.

Tue, 4 Dec 2018 [432 + 298]

Dear Susan Strong – Burn in Hell, you Whore.

Talked to Dad on the phone. He said mom had some good pictures on the way. K & C are staying there still and K has been helping. He thinks there will be some action on trump (indictments!) by the end of the year. I’m not so hopeful.

Wed, 5 Dec 2018 [433 + 297]

Forgot to mention last night that some old man had a crazy K2 episode yesterday afternoon. He was screaming in the dayroom about demons and such. Stupid bastard.

Finally got my prescriptions last night – after 16 days of waiting and 9 days with any m eds. Nurse Hatchett (Ina Thiel) really came through – NOT. Lazy bitch.

National Day of Mourning for George H.W. Bush. This is kind of crazy – turning a funeral of a former president into a national holiday. We’re treating presidents like royalty. Bad precedent.

Still no bank card. I think mom’s letter and the books she sent me from Amazon must have gone to OCC> I forgot to have her change the address. Wonder how long it will take them to arrive.

I decided last night that I’m not going to do the final paper for the UNO class. They moved me from the class was finished. I have no access to a library. I have no access to 75% of the paper that is already written at OCC; and I have no access to a word processing capability here in this dump.

Thu, 6 Dec 2018 [434 + 296]

Kitchen work continues to be miserable as can be, not due to the work itself, but because of the asshole inmate workers. They make fun of my height, weight, clothes, hair… None of it bothers me, per se, but the totality of the unpleasantness is taking a toll. I brought up again whether they could move me to a non-serving position. So far, no action from that fat, lazy bitch, Food Service Director Belinda.

Had to leave the kitchen three times today. Lab work with the nurse at 6am. She is so goddamn incompetent. She couldn’t hit my best vein. I told her she was off-angle, but she said “I’m right on it”. She wasn’t. She said I have a choice: she could fish around in the same vein, but it would hurt or try the other arm. I was not about to let her fish around given her attitude and demonstrated skill. The other arm has a less plump vein, but she managed to finally get it. She was shaking like crazy. She finally got the blood required, but it left a nasty bruise. Yes, she definitely wouldn’t cut it as a real nurse anywhere.

Then I got called out by Property because my Amazon books arrived – 3 of them anyway. Apparently I was supposed to have a property sheet filled out for books and letters. She told me to go get a property sheet – so I filled that out after work.

Then the case worker (Scdoris) called me back to the unit to give me my birth certificate (but not my social security card).

Oh, last night I got my bank card, so I finally have access to my money. Yay! Had a ham and swiss on pretzel bun as kitchen lunch was a disgusting hunk of roast beef and sloppy-ass mashed potatoes. Quite disgusting.

Got violent diarrhea that first hit around 12pm. Roommate A also complained of the same. While spewing forth in the toilet, I had several other sufferers emitting the same sounds of illness. The only breakfast A and I had in common was the generic Lucky Charms (Sugar Shapes) as I didn’t eat the Malt o Meal or toast and he didn’t have the waffles or syrup. Maybe also the water, milk, or juice? I didn’t eat at the lunch at all so couldn’t be that. Last night was fish, yellow cake, and …

?? missing page??

The tall black guy that demands help stealing food and mean-mugs when I refuse busted the glass out of the serving case this morning trying to steal sack lunches. What a goddamn degenerate!

Another fire alarm today. Second one since I’ve been here.

The kitchen here has a problem making the right amount of food. We always run out of stuff and the kitchen workers bear the brunt of it. The first week I was here (in the kitchen), we ran out of 3/4 of the items by the time that we got our food: the grease triangle patties, lima beans, and pudding. They added an orange to replace the lima beans and a few people go the grease patties, but we took it up the butt on the rest. Earlier this week (or maybe it was the weekend), we were supposed to get pears, but ran out. Wallraven said “sorry, tough luck”. The other event was Linda and Chiffon. Today there was not enough toast or malt o meal. they replace the toast with waffles, which was good, but the malt o meal replacement was shitty-ass grits (Linda, Chiffon).

Found out I need to write Dorton to get signed up for getting a Nebraska ID card. Sent an IIR this afternoon.

Apparently some guy in Dan’s education class walked off to go to a convenient store – ha. Must be a Nebraskan. The guys at the table last night said 3-4 guys were returned to DEC for K2 episodes. Good riddance. Sorry that was mean. I hope they get the help that they need It’s got to be a bad addiction if you can’t even stop when you’re here and the stakes are so high. And fat chance getting any real help while you’re here.

I was feeling pretty shitty, discouraged this morning because of all the negativity this morning from the kitchen workers and the lady in Property, but for some reason I’m feelin better now. Slightly hopefully – like things are on track – even though nothing has really happened that should have improved my mood. Maybe the clarification about the NE ID that was unclear or going outside for 15 minutes for the fire drill improved my mood. Whatever it was, I’ll take it! 🙂

Fri, 7 Dec 2018 [435 + 295]

Kitchen wasn’t quite as bad today. Still on the front line. I suspect that the kitchen director just lied to me about moving me – because that’s what a lazy Nebraskan would do. The weird tattooed guy touched my hand today. I get a weird vibe from him. I think he’s got some latent homosexuality going on. When I saw touched, I do not mean a light brush, I mean he grabbed it and held it for a minute or so. Maybe it was less horrible because Erik wasn’t there with his evil presence. Kitchen workers were shorted cole slaw (no replacement) – Maria and Wallraven in charge. I need to try and let it go. I’ll end up getting moved out of here.

Wrote to Medical asking to renew my bottom bunk pass. Also wrote to Inmate Accounting because my balance decreased by $6 and I wonder if they charged me for those 3 $2 library donations.

Book title: “I am Nebraska, destroyer of lives”.

Talked to Case Manager Ogg about the books. He said that they would not throw away the books and to just get with the case worker to approve the property sheet. He mentioned Wingate (on the 9th of Dec) or Lauren this weekend.

Tried to call DP last two nights in a row, but no answer. Wonder if he lost his phone again.. or just busy.

No case manager here tonight.

Sat, 8 Dec 2018 [436 + 294]

Back to kitchen miserableness. I can’t stand D. He goes from normal to bitterly angry in 20 seconds – over stupid shit. Chiffon said she was looking for a new job cause she didn’t want to work in a daycare. She has that right. This is a daycare for people with emotional problems: the inmates, the staff, and her too.

Was required to serve 4oz of macaroni as if it waw sufficient for a grown adult male to live off of. The guy with the tattoo on his face tried to push me out of the way and take over dishing up the macaroni entrée, but he was such a monumental disaster that the kitchen lady put me back on it and moved him back to grabbing salad. Some old guys were bitching together about the food and me and said something like “if he was at NSP, he’d be taught a lesson”, except it was said in Ebonics.

Nebraskans are plagued by fear. Their TV commercial time is overrun by fear-based content: lots of RING security commercials, countless lawsuit invitations (Medicare, mesothelioma, hernia mesh, something with Mexaltrexate, etc…). Their TV channel lineups are full of true crime and crime dramas (whole channels dedicated to it: ION TV, the Escape channel). Their paralyzing fear also seems to make them nostalgic for the “old times” when they could just murder someone out their window if they suspected them of a crime or if they were black or Native or otherwise undesirable to Nebraskan white “Christians”. They have multiple channels devoted solely to old TV shows: Grit (Westerns), MeTV, WowTanT, Cozi, LaffTV, Comet, and MyNet (This!Omaha). Also the TV stations fear-based seatbelt authoritarian program. They pay lip service to intellectual and cultural TV (NET), but it’s so underfunded that it’s fundraising week lasts for three or more weeks at a time.

Idea: “Lazy and Afraid: Tales from an Authoritarian Nightmareland”

Or “Scumbag Justice” or at least a chapter on the secrecy in so-called justice. Background about how secrecy is anathema to democracy and justice. Then go into the secret parts of the judicial procedure – the so-called pre-sentence investigation – all secret and it’s where the meat of the so-called “justice” is determined: sentences anywhere from probation to suspended sentence to a simple fine (like rich and famous Hopper Penn got) to 50 years in prison. Why is it secret? Then there was the secret meeting between the judge and the two lawyers in her office before the sentence was ready. More secrets, no justice.

In Nebraska, the right to a defense is a joke. The lawyer tells you when you first call “Don’t tell me anything unless I ask you a question and then just answer the question as narrowly as possible”. He said he would prepare a special question list and that’s the only things I should tell him because he has to report everything I saw to the prosecution and the judge. Does that sound like a place that wants you to be able to mount an actual defense. Hardly. It sounds like a state whose judicial rules were legislated by a bunch of folksy, anti-intellectual farmers crafting their own self-serving version of cornfield justice (where poor, black, and liberal defendants go directly to jail and well-connected hicks have a permanent get out of jail free card).

The other day AG announced his adopted father was a chief physician of some specialty and ~drum roll~ an anti-vaxxer. I can’t remember if I already noted that. Oh, and he said he was a cardiovascular specialist of some type. I wonder if the anti-vaxxer movement is strong in this anti-intellectualism-loving state. That would not surprise me.

Roommate AG is constantly torturing the room with his attempts at what appears to be singing except that he is completely atonal and the sound emitted by his mouth is not in any way pleasing to the ears. Maybe not getting childhood vaccinations causes you to sing terribly and at the same time to believe that you’re good. It’s kind of like the high-pitched howl of an animal trapped in a hunter’s trap after about three days of captivity – only less musical.

Sun, 9 Dec 2018 [437 + 293]

Kitchen was slightly more pleasant today for whatever reason. I guess because no one is very interesting in extra grits. E was/is allegedly sick, but they don’t seem to care even when he threatened to cough or puke in the food. First day I worked with Jody – she seems fine.

Talked to one of the campus guards – the one that told me I had three books, but needed a property sheet first. I explained that I’ve been waiting for a case worker to approve it. She seemed moved by my explanation and said “jsut come up and get them now; I can’t image them not approving them.”

Talked to DP. Good conversation. Then nap, shave, and shower.

Some people are “randomly” assigned jobs that are miserable and pay poorly (kitchen – $1.21) and other people “randomly” get jobs that are cushy and pay a lot (Mike – $3.78 warehouse with an office).

Mon, 10 Dec 2018 [438 + 292]

Arguments with the old black dishwasher today. He talked to me like a dog and I won’t accept that. He tried to fix his own tray this morning for breakfast and the kitchen manager told him he couldn’t do that. I wanted to laugh but good that I didn’t. He bitched about how I made it. I put the cereal in the wrong cubby hole.

E showed me a gross skin condition. He said it was some auto-immune disorder, but was trying to get out of the kitchen because of it. As could be expected the nurse was completely useless and unwilling to help at all. She should definitely not have a nursing license (Ina Thiel).

I like working with Jody in the kitchen. She calls the thieving employees out right on the spot. Today at lunch E tried to give his homeboy a second piece of chicken and she made him take it off his plate. Ha!

Was talking a nap after work and I get called to the case manager’s office. He gave me a personalized case plan. It’s basically the same as the one we did at OCC. Take the Outpatient class here as well as NA or SMART Recovery social meetings. He was going to fake the family and education ones since I clearly needed no work on either one. He said maybe some education release might work out and maybe not, depended on how various dates fell. Maybe I’ll just go for a second job or some kind of volunteer project. I submitted the paperwork to apply for work release also. I sure hope it goes through quickly – I despite working in the kitchen – even though the last two days weren’t quite as terrible as the last 10.

Nebraska “something for nothing” thesis: “(1) genital gangrene amputations (invokana, farxiga, jardiance), (2) Monsanto Round-Up, (3) IRS tax evasion (Optima Tax).

Tue, 11 Dec 2018 [439 + 291]

Watched a great documentary on Martin Luther. Would love to see again later. It’s called “Martin Luther: The Idea that Changed the World”, available on shoppbs.org.

Need to try and find a sponsor for a haircut and shopping trip next week. Might also volunteer for tutoring or something like that.

Xarelto and Pradaxo – Knightlive – another legal settlement thing advertised on Nebraska television.

Baylor University rapist gets off with “unlawful restraint” by a TX judge. That’s the same state that let some white kid off on the defense of Affluenza, but regularly murders its own citizens when they’re black or poor.

Part of being so fear-based is the near worship of those people who they see as their guardians and protectors: police, the military, firefighters, conservative politicians who talk fiercely. The fearful Nebraskans are certainly in this category. They do not think critically about any policies or actions of their armed “protectors”. If their authoritarian masters say they need stronger penalties for crimes, they blindly adopt the recommendations. If they ask for seatbelt and helmet laws to “protect” them better, Nebraskans hand them over. If the police tell them they need to curtail civil liberties to give them “Real Security”, Nebraskan followers give up their and others’ liberties freely. If a police officer says he needed to kill a mentally ill man with a taser as part of their need for order, they willingly give him a free pass.

The only force more powerful than their lust of “security and safety” is their pocketbook. Their worship of the military, for example, ends when it comes to funding better salaries for the soldiers or better medical and mental health services (reference Sasse and Fisher’s voting records in the US Senate when veterans bills come up). If the Law and Order class tells NE citizens something is to be feature, the citizens will begin fearing and hating it immediately – even if it’s their own children, family, friends, or neighbors that fall outside the new circle.

Got a Xmas card from G & D with a nice letter from D.

My cellmate D is yelling at his mom about not listening to him as he described the abusive practices of NDCS. He had some as-needed medication from the NDCS medical staff (like aspirin and ibuprofen), but the NDCS security staff doesn’t recognize “as-needed”. If they see you with a pill calendar that doesn’t have the right number of pills punched out or if you have a pill calendar longer than 30 days from issue (meaning you didn’t use one and only one pill every day – the opposite of “as-needed”), they will wrote you a misconduct report and then shift you into being required to take their suite of useless drug treatment classes. I had heard this same complaint 15-20 times while at OCC and because of it, I refused the Calcium pills recommended by the doctor so I wouldn’t fall prey to that trick. The rumor mill says that purpose of that trick is to collect federal rebates or tax rebates for more people in treatment. Need to research that.

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 [440 + 290]

Only 290 days left… woohoo!

Roommate AG never seems to go to work. Yesterday he told his crew that he had the runs to avoid work, so they brought him back and told him to find a new job. I think he just spent the rest of the day goofing off. He told the story yesterday that they asked him to help move a dead deer carcass and he refused to help. Hopefully he gets kicked back to the big prison so a seat opens up for someone who actually wants to work and is less annoying. He gets on my nerves because of the abusive way he talked about women, the stealing he does from the kitchen, and just an all around dirtball (to use his favorite appellation for everyone else).

Got a haircut from D. It’s not bad for a prison haircut and looking forward to a real haircut soon. Fuck Nebraska. Burn in Hell, Susan Strong, you rotten whore.

Thu, 13 Dec 2018 [441 + 289]

Blah… more kitchen. I feel like I am not going to be able to survive this experience without permanently becoming a miserable, hateful, spiteful person. I seriously reject my earlier worldview that people are basically good and given at least a foundation physiological satiety, they would usually do the right thing by their fellow man. With the exception of ones own close family, in fact, people are hateful and selfish and given a way to do it unpunished, they’d murder their own neighbors if it meant a little something better for themself. Thus is the lesson delivered by Whore Susan Strong and Nebraska. I should be thankful for that lesson, I suppose. I’ve been walking around naively until now.

Starting to get sick. I can feel the congestion building in my sinuses and tiredness in my face. I cough more and more by the hour. God damn Nebraska and Susan Strong and the other inhabitants of this Hell on Earth.

I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow at 11am.

Fri, 14 Dec 2018 [442 + 288]

More obnoxiousness in the kitchen. Three days ago Wallraven said servers weren’t allowing in the walk-in to get sack lunches. Today Lind and “Sgt” Moody said I should go in the walk-in. Then argued with dougebag Moody for 15 more about it. Then the Amish maintenance guy was being an asshole. He doesn’t like being asked if he wants hot cereal or hamburger gravy. Linda called him rude. It was kind of funny, but he’s trouble for sure. He threatened not to do maintenance for the kitchen because she called him rude.

Linda was trying to steal from the inmates too. She switched the scoop from 8oz to a 6oz midway through meal service to stretch it out even more. Then she added several gallons of water to it and eventually a tiny bit more ground beef. Stealing is a Nebraska core value apparently -the inmates and the officers/staff all share in it.

Did I mention that we were also ripped off on tomatoes (1oz) from the day we had sandwiches this past weekend or late last week? Wallraven and Jody were on duty and said “tough. we don’t have any more” and there was nothing offered in substitution They even gut from the lettuce from 1oz to a “finger pinch”.

Sat, 15 Dec 2018 [443 + 287]

Some old man called me a bastard or some such because I only gave him three packets of sugar (1 more than I should have given). Nebraska sociopaths. Fucking sociopaths – every damn Nebraskan. Today was the 15th day in the kitchen, so I’m at the halfway mark there. Linda from the kitchen is on vacation. Yesterday she said servers were supposed to go in the cooler to get sack lunches. This place is fucking crazy. They (officers) don’t have their own shit together; they don’t know what policies each other implement. I am glad it’ll be over soon. Please God, let it all be over soon – one way or another.

I hate Nebraskans with a passion. The one I hate the most is Susan Strong. May she rot in Hell for Eternity. That would be justice of which she spoke, but failed to delivering herself. Susan, Betrayer of Justice – perhaps that should be the title of the book.

Sun, 16 Dec 2018 [444 + 286]

26 scaramuccis left. 63 weeks complete as of yesterday and 41 to go.

Threatened by the crazy Spanish dishwasher because I didn’t help him steal extra toast. Compare time: 5:54-5:56. When I didn’t give him what he wanted, he opened the front of the serving case (the glass pulls out toward the “customer”) and stuck his dirty paws into the toast pan and then threatened me a couple times (I assume, because it was in Spanish).

ION TV – crime TV during the week – is religion TV on Sunday. CW-Nebraska is also religious on Sunday. Fox 42 as well.

See “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” with Dick Wan Dyke. Downton Abbey is back – thank God! I’m going to make a note to start watching “History’s Detectives” too. It’s on right before. This week it was about the 1884-1885 Austin serial killer, who predated Jack the Ripper. They think now that it was a black guy named Nathan Elgin.

God damn Susan Strong. Got to keep the hatred in check or it will consume me. Thinking of adding a new objective to my personal goals to say something that I’m thankful for every day. Not sure if that is productive or just a Pollyanna-ish waste of time. The goal would just be to feel better about life as it is currently is, rather than the constant despair and angst about what it is not. I’ll start today with a simple one: I’m thankful for a loving and supportive family. But now, having started it, won’t this exercise devolve into only the same 2-3 things that are good repeated in rotation? Maybe I should make the task to be “to say something I’m thankful for that is something specific that happened during that day”. Let me try it again: “I’m thankful that Downtown Abbey is back on NET after having been off for three weeks during the fundraising drive. Ok, I feel good saying that – but let’s see how it goes.

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 [445 + 285]

Kitchen was not too bad today. Obnoxious Moody and Crybaby Drew were off. The old black dishwasher has been more pleasant lately – for what reason I am not sure. Just the super-fucking obnoxious Guatemalan ass-clown making his usual threatening gestures and language. Today he asked Eric what room I lived in.

Today I am thankful for my friend Jason, who graciously helped me with some job searching in Lincoln NE that I can write to – to see if they would be interested in using me on work release.

Tue, 18 Dec 2018 [446 + 284]

Tried to call Tony last night but no answer. Sent IIR to Sponsorship Coordinator for another packet and to ask where mom should send the completed packet. Asked the nurse via IIR whether acetaminophen would would satisfy the doctor’s request to avoid certain categories of pain relievers that includes ibuprofen (the canteen doesn’t have Tylenol, as he specified).

I’m thankful today that my mom found that Dish does have Internet over satellite for a reasonable cost and at a bandwidth (25-Mbit) comparable to over-radio provider that they had been stuck with. This will make things much easier for them to organize and get service going at the new place while they’re waiting for me to get home – if I’m not murdered here by Nebraska in the meantime. Also thankful that she is will to and has time to pick me up some clothes.

Stock market down 2.11% for the year. Finally the stupidity of trump comes home to roost. Michael Flynn sentenced today; hope he gets some prison time – for actual crimes.

Wed, 19 Dec 2018 [447 + 283]

Another day off from the kitchen. I’m thankful for the good conversation that I had with my parents last night. It was my dad’s 64th birthday and he seems healthy as can be. Dad said he finished part of the sinks and countertops and they have my sink bowl and they said it looks fantastic. It’s kind of Greco-Roman marble-ish and looks like a waterfall. I’m also thankful that Caseworker Lauren helped me white-out my last copy of my resume that had some edit markups on it and make me 10 copies (for $2). She could have been a despicable whore like the majority for female or male devils in this place and do like snatch my resume and destroy it, but instead she helped. She musts be from another state. This will let me send out a few job search letters today in advance of my getting approved for work-release, actual work-release phase.

I’m kind of in a good mood this morning. I’m feeling kind of hopeful. I don’t know if it’s because of the call with mom & dad or the small success with the resume or if it’s because the daily-thanks exercises are working. Whichever it is, I’ll take it and will continue with the daily exercises.

I want to describe just a few of the intentional forms of humiliation and inhumanity designed into this concentration-camp experience: (1) toilets where people can watch as you shit or masturbate, (2) towels too small to properly dry off from a shower – basically the size of a kitchen dish towel – and made of material which is not absorbent at all. it seems like a design feature because it is marginally bigger here than at the earlier concentration camp – OCC. (3) insufficiency of time to eat your meal at the table before you’re forced away, (4) lack of good showing equipment, and (5) toilet paper rationing. Fuck it.

Absurd case plan is done, which is supposed to unlock my getting to work release. They identified my top two areas to address are addiction and then he struggled to explain how he couldn’t pick between education (and he acknowledged I was more educated than him) and my family life (which I have a great family relationship – thankfully to his credit, he didn’t try to talk me into having children – me, a gay man in his mid-40s, like the last stupid Nebraskan bitch did). So he agreed we were just waiting time filling out these stupid-ass forms.

I don’t want to cold-call “sponsors” to attend NA meetings. I would rather stay in the cell than cold call soulless Nebraskans begging for their “help”. AR said they have NA meetings here every other week for men, so maybe I can use these to satisfy the case plan requirements.

Nebraska news has been full of parents’ concerns over teen vaping. So because these people were unable to control their children to their desired level of control, every other adult in the community will have their personal bodily autonomy curtailed. The news/media creates an issue for authoritarian-followers to fear and they (followers) respond as per the mandate of their hive-mind overlord and begin the crusade to demonize and criminalize more harmless (to society) activities for consenting adults.

Thu, 20 Dec 2018 [448 + 282]

Finished my 18th day in the kitchen. Only 9 more to go (optimistically, at least). While I was working in the kitchen, someone called over the radio to the staff to send me to someone after work was done. But no one knows who the person was I was supposed to see. A mystery among fucking-idiots.

Roommate AG is here – not working – again today. I don’t think he’s putting in a normal number of work days. He must have gotten a part-time work detail assignment. He is very lazy and no work ethic whatsoever. Just like his buddy Moody, who spent the day making sex and child-bearing plans with the kitchen staff – [Guard] Chiffon. All though she was smart enough to tell him that “she would insist on keeping everything in her name” or maybe it was ” on her own”. She said she had three children and the implication was that she wasn’t going to risk having him schmooze or steal her essential assets. Smart move. He’s a classic use-them-then-rob them scumbag.

Today I am thankful that my mom and dad sent me $200 for Xmas to be able to eat form the vending machines. Also thank ful that my mom bought the clothes and books that I asked for and that they are on the way. The Amazon books will be here 12/27 to 12/28.

I’m still in a pretty good and hopeful mood. Perhaps the “daily thanks” exercises are doing the job. Or maybe it’s just the particularly good news today of gifts and help from my parents. Might also be the getting closer to the end of the kitchen time or feeling good about the letter to AeroTek that I sent yesterday about a possible job opportunity when I get to work release. Whatever it is, I’ll take it and I’m thankful. Continue to do the daily gratitude exercises. I am kind of tired – might take a nap. Then some task list items….

Wrote to NRTS to get into the NA meetings that are conducted here. We’ll see what they say about that. I hope I can just go here.

Talked to DP. He talked about a website idea: Deadbook. It sounded similar to my “Valhalla” idea. Maybe I should give that a second thought. Would be fun to work on a project like that with DP and J.

Watched an old movie: “On Golden Pond” with John and Jane Fonda and Katherine Hepburn and a short appearance by Dabney Coleman. It was funny and cute. I might recommend it to others.

Fri, 21 Dec 2018 [449 + 281]

OK day in the kitchen so far. Obnoxious dishwasher was quiet and staying in the dish area. [Guard] Jody was there so he didn’ do a lot of strutting and over-the-top hormone expulsion. Drew didn’t have any psychotic episodes. He was talking to moody and acknowledged that is bipolar – DUUUAAAAAHHHH. I had that pegged on Day 1. I knew he had some type of severe emotional issues. Today was kitchen day #19.

General Mattis resigned in disagreement with Dumpster-Fire. That is a shame. He might have been the only non-criminal adult in that administration. Stock market down 1700 points so far this week. The biggest drop since 1931 according to CBS.

Today I’m thankful for a nice letter and Xmas card from PD. She said she has been thinking about me a lot and is “also counting the days’” That was very nice of her to say. Perhaps I never really appreciated how caring and interested she was in me. Not that I ever thought she thought anything bad, but just didn’t really fully realize. I’m thankful for her letter today.

Some guy got denied for parole today because his victim came to the parole hearing and said she was afraid of him and what might happen if he was released. I don’t know him or his crime or the seriousness of his victim in her concern, but I do know that the arbitrariness of this whole things is dead wrong, vicious, and as far from the justice of a Christian nation as we could be. His punishment should not be dependent on on uncertain amount of time that her healing might take, if it’s real at all. It should be based on the seriousness of his crime and his use of his time in prison to correct himself as judged by unbiased experts. My roommate had a similar crime, apparently, and was worried by this turn of events as it might foretell a similar outcome for him.

Three more kitchen days until my “weekend”. Tomorrow is “coffee cake” day. I hate coffee cake day. Saturday the only food they give grown adult men who have been busting their ass for the corrupt Susan Strong’s financial benefit all week long and on Saturday all they get is the driest, God-damn tasteless piece of “cake” on the face of the Earth. And these fucking animals fight over every millimeter of it. The State of Nebraska encourages violence amongst inmates by ALWAYS cutting the pieces in wildly unequal pieces – some pieces are as much as 200% of the volume of over pieces. Maybe it’s a test of some type – but I would love to see the fucking morbidly-obese guards and administrators of Nebraska’s torture pogram react any differently to near-starvation.

Sat, 22 Dec 2018 [450 + 280]

I hate that God-damn coffee cake. Actually today there was less bitching than usual. Had discussion again with Drew about how giving away Nebraska’s food in excess of the prescribed amount was theft. This time he turned to [Guard] Chiffon to get support for his position that it was not theft. However, she apparently agreed that it was theft. I’m not sure if she told him just to say that to pacify me, but it took it as a small win either way. Later he said “I guess I’m a thief then.” Earlier today he had said “I’m not a thief; I’m a killer”.

280 days left in Nebraska. 20th day in Nebraska’s Hell-ish kitchen (Gordon Ramsey’s kitchen is for pussies). 64 weeks completed and only 40 left.

There is a new ATM that doesn’t work on the lobby. It is just sitting there collecting declined transaction fee receipts and saying “you exceed the number of transactions allowed.” I called my card issuers (Elan/USB) and they saw no problem – they said it was an issue with the ATM itself. It seems part of a strategy to steal even more fees from inmates and their families. I heard people in line for lab draws having the same issue – it was 2-3 days ago.

I am thankful for a breakthrough with Drew in understanding my position that giving away someone else’s property (even if it’s food) is stealing.

Sun, 23 Dec 2018 [451 + 279]

Was hard to walk up this morning. Chewie and Aaron were watching SNL reruns loudly last night. But I got up and it wasn’t too bad today. The Hispanic cook with emotional issues got fired. Well, she (Jody) told him to leave and he said if he left he wasn’t every coming back. I kind of liked the guy, but he was rough with the staff and his fellow cooks, so it seemed inevitable.

The federal government shutdown yesterday and no progress on talks this weekend to resolve it. Those stupid bastards better not cave to give Dumpster-Fire money for that God-damn wall.

Tsunami in Indonesia – 200 dead and 800 injured. Awful. Wonder if the frequency of tsunamis is related to the warming of the globe? I wish tsunamis would hit places with devils, like Nebraska, instead of always the same poor countries with regular people.

I’m thankful that Downton Abbey was on today. Public television is so good. Maybe I will try to be involved in Kentucky’s public television offerings somehow.

Mon, 24 Dec 2018 [452 + 278]

The kitchen-weekend is now started. Today was not too bad as far as murder threats go. The Guatemalan dishwasher seems to be friendly nowadays. He was fist-bumping and sharing stories about IV drug use (sharing via mime , that is, since we don’t share any common languages).

But food service was kind of obnoxious. It was taco salad and they didn’t have enough of anything. They went through four different kinds of dessert before rolling out the plums. The plums are basically the kitchen manager’s way of saying no more dessert to be given today. Only the most-desperate for calories or hold-overs from the Depression Era eat those plums. They are looks like shit and there’s a 90% chance that a gene-check would confirm that. They also look like an aborted fetus of any small woodland creature. Then they put the plums back in the fridge. By 11:20, we’d only done one of the men’s units and we had only done one of the men’s units and were nearly out of chips, beef, beans, and cheese – pretty much the entire meal! Incompetents. Belinda, the morbidly obese and ugly-as-shit personality (and face), kitchen manager eats all the food herself. Well and inmates steal it at every single opportunity as well. It would be interesting to see which of those two parties eats steals more food.

I’m thankful that I found a dollar in my junk box in my locker and found it today, so I was able to have a soda. The ATM here is broken again.

It is Xmas Even, but then again – who cares when you’re in prison. This is Satan’s domain. No Xmas spirit can get past the hellfire and damnation barrier at Nebraska’s border.

Finished the book “The Politics of Injustice” last night. Fantastic book. It is the scientific and academic apotheosis of the crazy rantings and ravings I’ve been writing for the last fifteen months. It was last updated in 2004 (2nd edition). I wonder if there is a later edition.

Talked to mom and dad briefly. The call was cut short by the phone system for some reason. After like a minute, a loud noise came on the phone and I hung up and called back. It said that I had 13 minutes left. But after about 5 minutes of talk, it said we only had one minute left. Guess GTL needed to make up some end of the year money at the expense of desperate people with no options.

One thing they they did say is that they would try to come and visit in February. That would be awesome. Hopefully I have the two-day passes accumulated by that time.

An irredentist is someone who wants land returned to the nation/empire that it once held and and probably contains peole who are culturally similar.

Definitely does not feel at all like Christmas. But it started to feel like that even before the Nebraska concentration camp. Perhaps age is a factor, too much questioning of Belief, or more probably, it’s just become such an over-stressed commercial event: there is no reason to don its spirit or welcome its advent (pun intended).

Tue, 25 Dec 2018 [453 + 277]

Christmas Day. Got up around 6am – couldn’t sleep anymore. Breakfast was very dismal toast and sugarless corn flakes. There was also the gritscreamofwheatfarina multi-purpose slop, but I didn’t eat that. It is tasteless and excessively watery. I watched [Guard] Linda keep adding gallon after gallon after gallon of water to the same box of dry slop mix for hours.

On Good Morning America, there was a guest on the topic of setting limits on Xbox usage and he suggested that parents should “create a usage policy” with their children. WTF!! Contracts with your children?? That’s another of many signs that our Legalistic society is out of control.

Got a “Merry Christmas” note from KP and a call request from TH. Sending off some of my own Merry Xmas notes and trying to catch up on correspondence.

I’m thankful that mom and dad seem to be talked into getting a choc or black lab. This time we didn’t get cut off, but we also didn’t get the supposed “extra” time for Christmas. Probably some crook in a state office somewhere billed the taxpayer for a “Christmas” gift of extra minutes for inmates and split the money with GTL instead. Mom said she sent the sponsorship packets back yesterday and they would probably come visit in February.

Attending AA meeting at CCCL cafeteria. Outside guys Bill and Charlie helped run it. There was no sign-up sheet or sign-in sheet, so I’m not sure how Ogg knows it happened.

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 [454 + 276]

Another day in Hell (Nebraska). 2nd child dies in US Customs and Border Patrol custody. The US is running death camps. Nothing new there. Shame.

Did absolutely nothing all day long. Read the rest of Chapter 12 of “The History of China” about the Mongol (Yuan) dynasty leading into the Ming dynasty.

Talked to TH – mostly we talked about the job search process here and a little about the stratified statistical sampling chapter of the book he sent.

Today I’m thankful for a good conversation on the phone with TH. Also thankful for some nice emails from JH and BJ. I even replied to them both immediately.

I really need to overcome the anxiety about cold-calling the at-large sponsors for help getting to the NA meetings and DMV. I would like to get to the library too. I guess I can fallback on the excuse that I don’t have any outside clothes yet.

Got a Xmas card from HR. Also got a letter from DR with my results. Good news.

Thu, 27 Dec 2018 [455 + 275]

Back to the nasty kitchen behaviors; Moody and Drew are both lazy pieces of shit. Lazy is not even the worst quality though. They are emotionally unstable and tend to violence as a means of controlling everyone around them.

There was a really good episode of “Cook’s Country” last night. They made Tennessee smoked/shredded turkey sandwiches and a really good-looking North Carolina fish stew. It was on NET. Supposedly the recipes are online.

The mouthy guy that they call Gordo got caught stealing a pound of roast beef. He was supposed to be cutting it, but he tried to duck out with it to his room. Linda mist have seen him and radioed the police to search his room. Sure enough he had taken a pound of roast beef to his room. Good Thieves are the worst.

Worst day in the kitchen so far. Moody and Drew harassed me from start to finish over everything. Dirty trays (which I don’t wash and I catch more than anyone else), not going fast enough (from two people with the slowest pace in the Western world!). They call me slow and say I have no common sense. HAHAHAHA. OMG, what a pair of ass-clowns.

I asked Maria to find me any other job in the kitchen. She said she would talk to Linda, but I could probably do sack lunches.

What a miserable day and a miserable place run by soul less citizens of an unholy land. Took a nap and slept through the time arranged for the call with TH. Went to bed early. Skipped dinner – God-damned grease fritters.

Fri, 28 Dec 2018 [456 + 274]

Went into the kitchen today and Linda assigned me to the store room. Hallelujah! But even with that there was a bit of drama. The old storeroom assistant was getting the boot out at the same time and neither of us knew it at first. He cross-trained me a bit and then Linda told him to go help the cook. I wanted to laugh, but I’m glad I didn’t. Apparently he is dumb as a box of rocks and hasn’t learned anything in six weeks. He later left the kitchen without permission and got picked up by the lieutenant. I saw him come back to D-unit before count, so he gout out of that somehow. I said “sorry, I didn’t know anything about what was happening.”

Anyway, today I am no longer dishing up food for a bunch of fucking underfed, feral animals.

O Glorious Day! The storeroom is so much better than the front line. I think I could do another month here, if I had to. I thanked Linda again at the end of the workday.

Looking forward to Monday. The case manager should be back and should be giving points and hopefully my work release application has moved forward a bit too.

Sat, 29 Dec 2018 [457 + 273]

Store room work went well today. The animals left to work the front line continue to harass, but it’s very easy to ignore them now. Still loving this far more than the front-line.

Slept a lot. Waited for a truck that never came. Went to bed early. I’m thankful that I was able to sleep away quite a bit of this day.

Sun, 30 Dec 2018 [458 + 272]

Store room still much better than any day on the front line. Erik came while I was in the freezer and asked if this is where the cookies were. I said no. He said “yes, they are, you liar.” I just laughed. I think it might have pissed him off though because later I heard him say something about “lock him in the freezer.” He’s a sociopath, so I don’t doubt he might try it.

I think he was jealous that I got into the store room too. He asked how I got in there. I told him that I just asked. He seemed miffed. I doubt they’d let him in there given what a huge thief he is. On second thought, I think some of them don’t care either way. Belinda cares because that’s competition for her eating the food. Jody would care because she’s a raging bitch and hates her life and catching people is a joy to her.

I’m thankful that I discovered a new pop machine right outside the yard door that has a different selection of pop and has a Brisk Lemon Iced Tea too. Also thankful that there is only one more day after today of my “work week” (unless my days off are changed with the job change).

I put the frozen inventory away. The other store room ass’t really didn’t want to, but I pushed it though. He said “Joe likes to do that himself.” I didn’t know if that was true or him being lazy. I compromised by making an inventory-in sheet with new balances.

Looking forward to getting first “points” sheet tomorrow. Got them today as it turns out. I got 5 points. I guess you can’t get any more than 5 points until you’re on work release (and have been called up for OP treatment program). So I am only eligible for personal needs passes until on work release. So I’m waiting on the perpetually on-vacation Ogg to come back and move me forward to work release.

The truck that never came yesterday did show up today. During the regular shift Andrew and Erik kept coming into the store room to steal food (cookies and chips) and sit around to avoid working. Andrew is gay as Christmas and keeps making gay innuendo; he plays it off as making fun of me but he knows way too much about gay sex and talk about it way too much. I guess I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

Glad tomorrow is my work “Friday”. Ready for a couple days of sleeping in.

Mon, 31 Dec 2018 [459 + 271]

Burn in Hell, Susan Strong, you whore. I still hate your guts despite the daily mood exercises. I don’t think they’re working anyway. I think it was the false hope that things would be much better here after the end of the month, but turns out that is all another Nebraskan lie. It’s still boring as shit all day long in the kitchen and furloughs are not available on work detail. No word whatsoever on work release application. Ogg rarely shows up to work – it’s hilarious that he’s dispensing work ethic goals to people. More Nebraska lies and deceit.

I’m ending the daily gratitude exercises: what a waste of time. Fuck Nebraska and may Susan die from a horrible pus-filled pox – her and her whole family.

Talked to mom and dad – that put me in a better mood. Earlier today Sgt Casarez paged me and said that mom and AH’s packets were missing a background check form. (Such is the quality of the State of Nebraska’s work – did they intentionally omit a required form when they handed it out or is it more incompetence – and does it matter which?). So I mailed them two copies – both to mom.

Talked to BJ on JPay and she said she would come to NE if I got her airfare, hotel, and a car. She asked if that meant that she was in charge of me. Ha. I said “not”.

New titles for the Nebraska book: “I, Hypocrite” or “You’re doing too much: Tales of Excess from Nebraska” or “Tales of Excess and False Justice from Nebraska”. Chapter 1: “Too much meth” (background story). Chapter 2: “Too much trust/power for police”. Chapter 3: “Too much law without justice”. Chapter 4: “Too much cookie theft” (prison). Chapter 5: “Too much humiliation”. Chapter 6: “Too much….”

Too much trust in the military-industrial complex paved the way for too much trust int he police. The last respectable Republican Dwight Eisenhower tried to warn about the dangers of a standing military and treating the military budget as a sacred cow and that it would only lead to problems. … need some thought and connectors if this is a real thesis… kind of weak, so is it even true… Now we have out-of-control police, with constant military-style surveillance, and police that see the general public as combatants or at least simply potential collateral damage. The prison industry is a $264 billion dollar industry. Industries that are immune from criticism and now their profits are becoming privatized and their risks and costs and mistakes socialized. Financial markets, auto markets, prison-industrial complex all have that no-lose luxury. For a people who are so uncritically and unapologetically capitalistic, a philosophy completely contrary to our other supposed philosophical guiding light: Christianity, we sure do hate real Capitalism. “You’re doing too much to guarantee success to certain prison-adjacent suppliers”.

New Year’s Eve – another holiday that does not exist in prison. I think they’re having cranberry sauce for dinner tomorrow – that’s about it. Oh great – the assholes in the room are cranking up their noise to full volume. Burgos has an external speaker and Gable commandeered Chewie’s TV and cranked it up. I’m sure waterboarding is worse, but psychological torture is real too. I can’t hear my own TV with headphones on it’s so loud and it’s the stupidest shit possible that they play at an intentionally disrespectful volume.

Thu, 1 Nov 2018 [399 + 331]

The beginning of the 14th month of this horror show called Nebraska. As of 2pm no word on moving to CCCO, so I guess that’s a wrap for this week. Hopefully next week is it.

Went to the library to submit requests for November, but the October ones still haven’t been sent, so I had to pick new ones as old ones, not both. So I had her resubmit the books from last month.

Rotten bitch Charrlin will be here this afternoon. Greaaat.

JH really pissed me off this morning. He started playing his goddamn TV on blast mode on some stupid channel while I was trying to sleep. I can’t wait until one of us goes. He’s so fucking inconsiderate most of the time. I think he’s worse than that guy Ch. Well… maybe that’s going a bit too far.

Turned in special visit request form for mom and dad’s visit. Dates: 11/22 to 11/24.

Just remembered M/M from Seattle. That was some hot sex. I wonder what he is up to now. I might try to contact him when I get out of here to see if he wants to meet up again. So Hot.

Fri, 2 Nov 2018 [400 + 330]

400th day – only 330 to go in this cesspool of authoritarianism and anti-Christianity. Only 33 scaramuccis left.

I got a pass to the dentist for 815am. If they say anything about not going I’m going to say “I’m not letting that quack operate on me.” The dentist didn’t even ask me if I wanted him to work on me. He barely said anything to me. He was too preoccupied with conversing with the pretty young dental hygienist, who he coaxed out of that she lived and went to school in Maryland and only moved here because her dad got a job a Wentworth’s or something like that. He tried to found out if she was married and had kids but she didn’t reveal it to the old perv. I’m trying to think if he ever even said a single word to me, but I can’t recall it. I think he made some round-about acknowledgement of my existence after he found no cavities by looking at the X-ray, but even that was mostly for the benefit of flirting with the hygienist. Anyway after my bunkmate spent 4-5 days rolling around in his bunk in severe pain from an infection when these barbarians pulled one of his teeth, there’s no chance I’d let them do that to me.

I didn’t do my phone cleaning job today. Fuck Nebraska. That’s how I feel today.

Got a letter from Nebraska yesterday saying that I had accumulated 3 days of LB191 credit and my final release date is moved up to 09/25/2020. Fuck Nebraska.

Also got a letter and pictures from mom last night. Called and talked to them too. I submitted a visit request form to Ellinger’s door last night.

The movie today was “Solo” from Star Wars. I stopped 2/3 of the way through to have the dinner here, which was a patty melt and steak fries. They sounded a lot better than they were. I ate at the table with the hot light-skinned guy from SAU (the one that kind of looks like that singer who is the son or somehow connected to the Jeffersons) and then Cz from the UNO class came hear the end.

Finished reading the “Age of Enlightenment” in 12 Great Philosophers. Also finished Chapter 3 in Java 8 Lambdas and the exercises in it.

JH and DK call UCW Porshet an “Uncle Tom” because he is from their neighborhood and won’t risk his job and freedom to carry drugs into the prison for them. JH said he and T were smoking marijuana in a parking lot that he was a security guard at when Porshet approached them. They brandished a gun and he backed off, saying “whoa, I have kids, a family” and then turned and left.

Sat, 3 Nov 2018 [401 + 329]

Another week done – week #57. A new cough to start the week out. Seems like on one week and off the next week. Nasty air in Nebraska. Speaking of health problems caused by this filthy state with filthy citizens – had diarrhea since Friday. It came on after the biscuits and gravy for breakfast.

More drama caused by the biggest drama queen I’ve ever encountered outside of gay circles: JH. Around 15-20min until 11amcount, JH comes in the room and announces there is a “rat in the room”. He asks DK to come out of the room so they can discuss it, but in such a way that we were supposed to be “in suspense”. Fucking children. They came back in and repeated the drama starter kit, but said we’d need to wait until the rest of the room was here at count to discuss. At count, JH says (after more melodrama) that DR told some officer that someone in our room had been “fucking with him [DR]”. There was no recognition that it was true and that it was JH himself that is the most abusive of DR, including dropping things into his nose while he’s asleep and intentionally making noise while he has to work the next morning. DR denied that he had complained to anyone. JH said that then he (DR) needed to “pull up on PC” (who made the accusation of snitching) and “handle it”. If he didn’t, the room would think it was true and he’d need to send a kite that he wasn’t allowed to live in the room anymore. They spent the rest of the count talking to DR about fighting PC over the accusation.

When I came back from lunch, they had been stirring up this fight across the whole unit (JH, DK, RP, MJ-12, J-12) and taking bets on who would win. They said they needed to wait until Charrlin was gone. They continued hyping DR up, who was all-in an excited about the fight at this point, including snorting coffee. Yes, he snorted coffee and was huffing and puffing around the room like a pudgy, dumpy Rocky. I assumed it wasn’t really going to happen since both participants are border-line retarded and they kept delaying it. I took a nap, but was awoken about 130,145 when those two dumbasses from room 12 came into our room and started stirring things up more. They are so loud and obnoxious I couldn’t sleep. I watched TV and eventually our room cleared out DR, fat J (I think he was sleeping or not there at all), RP, DK, and me. Around 205pm PC comes running into the room while DR is staring out the window. PC suck-slams DR and then somehow pulls him down onto the floor. DR’s head bounces off the tile, audibly, and PC punches him again in the lower jaw. At this point I was pissed and yelled “you stupid son of a bitches” and stomped out of the room. I went and checked my mail and then sat watching foozball on the TV waiting for the battle of the witless twits to end. The instigators and gawkers blocked the view so I’m not sure when it ended, but eventually went back in.

God damn, I hate this stupid fucking state. It’s packed with degenerates from one end of the state to the other.

Now the original instigators are acting like if they had known this was going on, they would have helped DR because apparently at one point PC was kicking DR after he was down and non-responsive. WHAT?!?! They are so full of shit. I think they might even believe their own bullshit, which is doubly-pathetic of them. It’s hard to tell for sure. I doubt either of those two easily-led gomers would have given each other the slightest thought if it hadn’t been setup first by JH, DK, and RP solely for their own entertainment and secondly by those baboons from Room 12 for their own gambling income.

Wonder what tomorrow’ drama-fast will be? I can’t wait for JH to be moved to SAU or I get to CCCO, whichever comes first.

Sun, 4 Nov 2018 [402 + 328]

Two days to election day. Need to write my UNO response today. Some people are leaving for CCCO tomorrow. Fuck it, Not me. God damn Nebraska. Finished Crime and Punishment this morning. It does make me want to be a less miserable person than Raskolnikov to friends and family, thought I hope I was never as bad as he was. Interesting book, though. I think it has some parallels to my own situation and other parts which do not really seem to apply. I think it’s true that a lot of people here feel entitled to have committed their real crimes, though without the capability to mold that sense of entitlement into a formal theory of some men being better than others and worthy of ignoring certain constraints of society’s rules to make sure they are able to deliver their superior contribution. It doesn’t address the set of laws that have no victims (consensual drug use) or have no basis in violating fair access to society’s primary goods. Is my believe that I’m entitled to commit this so-called crime (of choosing what to put into my own body) just as arrogant and elitist as Raskolnikov’s belief that he’s entitled to commit a murder?

Feeling anxious and frustrated at still being in this cesspool of stupid asses. I really hope I get transferred this week.

Mon, 5 Nov 2018 [403 + 327]

Still at this fucking shithole, OCC.

Finished the response #7 shortly after lunch. I think it is a masterpiece about whether I think the American Dream is possible for me. Got my first paper back. Got an A on it and he commented that it is “a smart, sophisticated argument that addresses some of the lesser-known issues of collective welfare and public good”. Yeah, baby… yeahhh. Also got my response #6 back with a 50/50 and the comment “I learn something new each time I read your work and enjoy your excellent turns of phrase.” I like the class especially when the instructor feeds my ego compliments like that! haha.

Tue, 6 Nov 2018 [404 +326]

Oh, last night I tried to call TH, but no answer (about 812pm). Also, at class last night JK said that two people came back from work release. Yah! I have to wish against other people, but what I can say. I want out of this shithole and apparently they didn’t want to keep their spot quite as much.

Election Day! I hope for the civic health of the nation, some good people get elected. Enough rat bastards like Ted Cruz and Pete Ricketts. ND and MI are voting on recreational marijuana and MO and UT are voting on medicinal marijuana.

Ordering a very small canteen order as I hope that I will be going to work release this week or next. For the love of God, please.

Wed, 7 Nov 2018 [405 + 325]

Mixed, but mostly good news from the election. Democrats retake the House and Elijah Cummins announces that oversight will start happening. Trump quickly threatens that if they do, he will have the FBI investigate them for leaks.

Nebraska is such a dumpster fire. I hate this state more than ever. But I recall my objective of being only academic in such criticisms, so I’ll drop that line of commentary right there.

Florida voters grant felons who have completed their sentence the right to vote gain. Good job, Florida, for that at least. NO work about the four states with marijuana ballot issues.

UCW Benjamin was engaged in a yell-fest with someone at 630ish this morning. Probably with some stupid donkey. He (Benjamin) is probably among the most humane state employees in Nebraska – practically a real human being.

DR was called to PHO office today. We all wondered why as he hadn’t mentioned any write-ups. It turns out that it was because they wanted to ask about the report that I had submitted about the crazy and abusive actions of Officer Duffy a few weeks back.

Got a letter from the Midwest Innocence Project. They said they don’t have resources to help people with less than 10 years on their sentence. Fuck.

Talked to mom and dad. Bad news on the Internet/cable. They found out that Spectrum had lied to them about availability of service in that area. Plan B will be to see if WM can put out two radios or not.

Thu, 8 Nov 2018 [406 + 324]

No word about work release yet today. Fuck Nebraska and Whore Strong.

23 dead in college student club in Thousand Oaks, CA. Former US Marine is shooter. More guns!! Jeff Sessions is fired yesterday – good riddance. It certainly bodes will for law and order, though, since he was punished and replaced for doing exactly what was required by law. This country is a raging dumpster fire.

Ruth Ginsburg falls and breaks three ribs. God Bless her. I wish her the speediest of recovery for her own sake and for the sake of what’s left of this shithole. She is saying she still has a few years on her of work. Amazing. Shameful that the country can’t let her enjoy/rest in her later years, but if she still loves her work…

Talked to DP. He asked about when mom & dad would be ready to have them come out and work on the networking. I said I’d get an update soon. He mentioned there is a D&D game park in Iowa. That sounds interesting – even if it’s in Iowa. It was his and JG’s anniversary in October. I forgot to send a card. I need to add that to my calendar.

Another day and no goddamn transfer to CCCO. What the fuck!?!? Nebraska is full of authoritarian-followers. The frustration is mounting. I think it may turn into despair after not too-much longer.

Fri, 9 Nov 2018 [407 + 323]

Sociopath was playing his TV on blast until 2am. I yelled “this is crazy” and he finally shut it off. Fuck Nebraska. Fucking angry and spiteful. This is going to be a bad day.

Yesterday, JH said that he and two other retards had “the keys to the unit” meaning that they were responsible for what happens and what new inmates were allowed to come in and generally in charge. Good god… what narcissists and obnoxious ones at that. I’m getting closer to declaring my personality model of people: (1) the very immature (of intelligence & EQ), (2) the very narcissistic/self-above-all-else (strong manipulators and control-obsessed), and (3) average or normal development as a human (the innocent, the barely guilty, the single mistake-makers).

Type 2 might better named the “violence/controllers”. They are highly manipulative often. They are enthusiastic in seeking violence in their interactions and talk a lot about previous violent encounters and hypothetical or planned violence in the future. Whether as a form of verbal masturbation for themselves or to intimidate people around (or likely both objectives). I think there might be two sub-types: (a) animalistic (chaotic evil), and (b) narcissistic/organized evil – they understand the need for order and expect order out of the others. They impose their own order on others, but somehow they consider themselves special or exempt by reason of special need or extraordinary existence (Raskolnikov). This specialness can be for them personally but often to their whole family/gang. “might makes right”. Use language obviously from a “dealing with conflict” type class as a way of emotionally manipulating their spouses on the phone; trying to control the behavior of people outside prison by yelling and making threats, preoccupation with firearms and gun-collecting, gun-modification. Watching “Cops” constantly and commenting obsessively on the weapons and violence-words. Constant talk about gang/tribal violence and various encounters with law enforcement and other gangs/tribes. Establishing and imposing their own rules on others and not just people who voluntarily subscribe to the social group. Examples: snitching, disallowing any talk to the police (any state employee), rules about how chimos could exist in a particular room, collecting “rent” from chimos or rats. There were rules about not snitching amongst other inmates if one inmate steals or deceives another inmate unless one of the controller/violent types is the victim of theft or deception and then snitching is expected.

I wonder if they are even moving people next week to work release. I’ve heard that they shut down transfer around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Please, please, please. Let me be moved next week. Certainly the week after will be no moves.

Sat, 10 Nov 2018 [408 + 322]

It snowed in Hell yesterday. It’s still very cold here today. Fuck the rotten people of this state.

Florida race plague by voting irregularities. Haha. This country is a full-fledged dumpster-fire. Trump blames CA forest fire on mismanagement of forestry service. Wow.

I’m in a room with unrepentant thieves. RP just disclosed that his nephew stole the audio splitter from J’s room from some guy named Cheese and sold it to him (RP). He was telling that to R and JH because R wanted to borrow it and RP didn’t want him to let his Cheese-guy see it.

Slept until almost 1pm today. Good. Sleeping away this time in Hell on Earth. Fuck Susan Strong – may she burn in Hell, the real one after her miserable fucking existence in this Hell is over. Feeling depressed. I am worried (irrationally) that I am never going to get out of this place.

I forgot to mention a weird event last night. ML came into the room last night to ask me about PO. He was asking questions about the homeless population and where to stay in the city to have easy access to them and his hotel. I was kind of creeped out by his questions and after he left, and RP had overhead and said he was creeped out as well. He also was telling me about finding a wife in Japan, but that he’d also looked in the Philippines and that those two places and Thailand and Cambodia and SE Asia, in general, were a cross between Disney World and heaven. He kept starting at me and smiling as he said these weird things. It began to feel like he was trying to lure me into or at least test me out for joining some weird sex thing. I withdrew from active participation in the conversation and finally he left. He came back about 20 minutes later though with glamor photos of his daughter and some print-outs of hotel rates in various US cities. Now I was really creeped out. Eventually he said his business with the homeless was that he paid them to use their identity to do some financial crime (he didn’t say what in detail) and then he took off. He paid homeless because they often were mentally ill or drug-addicted and either way, didn’t care to have their official identifies marred by whatever he was doing. I guess that’s better than some deviant sex or sex-trafficking activity, but still gross. It did piss me off a bit that he felt OK to share his on-going crime planning with me. Why would he think it was OK? Or maybe his some plant to try and entice me into some crime to reduce his own sentence. Fuck him, either way and fuck Nebraska for enabling this cesspool. I need to get out of here this week. If not, I don’t know what. I’ll go crazy. At the very least, I will start writing more grievances, letter to the Health Department, letters to the ACLU.

Sun, 11 Nov 2018 [409 + 321]

Another freezing cold morning. I guess it’s better than the baking hot nights like the summer and fall and spring. Go fuck yourself, Nebraskan authoritarian-followers.

I want to finish my paper today in case something happens tomorrow. For the love of God, let something happen tomorrow.

A large rat wondered into the unit over 11am count. Ri saw it and pointed it out to UCW Kniefel. I didn’t see it myself.

Sent 2 IIRs to medical: one to renew my bottom bunk pass and the other to ask (again) about the influenza vaccine.

Lots of gang talk to today – very annoying. Also, I need to leave this week. If not, I may do a high jump off the second tier. Seriously I don’t know how much longer I can take this stupid.

Mon, 12 Nov 2018 [410 + 320]

There are some interesting aspects to gangs in prison. The Pisas welcome a new transfer of a member with some shampoo, soap, food, a honeybun, etc. Kind of a welcome package. God damn, I’m tired of the gang talk though.

410 days down, 320 days to go. Will this nightmare ever end. Some obnoxious women CO today who didn’t clear the dayroom for cleaning and then when I asked for the bleach to wash the phones, she asked for my ID. I don’t want to do their slave work anyway. Her name is Montgomery.

Finished the last response (#8) for the UNO class. Thank God. Only one more paper combining our own view of the American Dream with some proposal to improve post-secondary education. I think he hinted that I will be getting an A or A- based on the feedback that he gave us today.

I’m hopeful that tomorrow I will learn something about work release. Sent an IIR to Pass Clerk to find out about AH’s visitor approval. Also, asked for a coat from laundry since it’s been so cold and I’m not sure when I’ll get to work release and might need something there until mom can send me some clothes.

Tried to ask case manager Schwisow a couple of these questions, but she is hardly ever here and when she is, there is a crazy long line of people who also have questions or issues for her since she’s hardly ever here. I’ll try again tomorrow if she shows up to work and call mom and dad and see if they want to postpone the trip until there is more certainty.

DR shit himself over 4pm count. He was exercising with JH (under duress – he certainly didn’t want to be exercising) and apparently had diarrhea (a regular condition, especially for people forced to eat the prison food every meal) and lost control. It was bad for his already-humiliated reputation in the room. He didn’t have another set of clean clothes. I had to leave for class as the UCW was helping him to take a shower outside of shower-allowed times (a rare act of humanity for a Nebraskan).

Asinine guard at the education entry door would not let us in even with the passes issued by Asst Warden Wells. He (not sure of his name) and Rapist Dermody watched us freezing in the 10 degree weather from inside the warm building. We were trapped outside of our units also. The guys gave them a series of nasty critiques of various personal attributes, which did little to change the situation (but then behaving wouldn’t have other – not for a sadist like Dermody). I can’t say that I refrained from criticism. One of the guys contacted the lieutenant, who contacted a yard officer to come and open the door for us, but the one we insulted met them and they all walked off together, so clearly he talked them into supporting their Third Reich behavior.

Possible observation: I started out the day feeling frustrated and kind of depressed. I listed to RHCP (Rain Dance Maggie and Californication) and Ravel’s Bolero. Not long after I was feeling so much better. Could the music itself have changed my mood? Need to test that out on my next depressed day.

Tue, 13 Nov 2018 [411 + 319]

Got a pass for 0915 for MCC. Going to ask about taking some MCC classes. Would love to take the C++ and Assembly classes or anything really.

IN a good mood this morning, though I don’t know why. I hope it’s not because I assume that this will be the week, but then I’ll be despondent when it doesn’t happen.

Too bad… not going this week (and unlikely next week given the holiday). Schwisow said I am not on the list for this week. Fuck… Nebraskans are pretty, vindictive liars. I wish them an eternity in Hell.

They also claim that they never received AH’s visitor application. Riiiiiight. This is all payback for my grievances and the report of Officer Doofy (Duffy) for assaulting DR in this sleep. When I asked Ellinger about her form, he mustered the worst performance of not knowing who I was. He could barely contain the smarmy smile at achieving some amount of retaliation.

Wed, 14 Nov 2018 [412 + 318]

Last night our light switch stopped turning our lights on and off. After beating on it and kicking it and flipping it on and off frantically, we found out it was turning on and off the lights on the bottom tier of rooms. The UCW and UCM said you’ll just have to sleep with the lights on all night. Then they walked away with a ‘fuck you’ attitude. We asked them to bring 8 grievances to our room. They found an inmate electrician to come check things out, but he couldn’t figure it out. He did take the fluorescent bulbs out so we could sleep.

This morning they came back with the prison electricians and the couldn’t figure out the situation either. They were going to have to call a real electrician. So we currently have no lights and our light switch turns on and off the lights of every other room. Is there anything dumber than a #)$(*@#$ Nebraskan?

Talked to Ellinger and he said that the visit would still be approved without AH. So I let mom know via email.

Feeling disappointed, angry, frustrated, pissed off. I feel like I’m going to do something self-destructive, like write a nasty letter about this place to the Health Department or ACLU. Or maybe just a series of grievances.

Fuck everyone of these loser Nebraskans. They are all degenerate liars and fascism-lovers.

Thu, 15 Nov 2018 [413 + 317]

Fuck Nebraskans.

Frodo (what the dumbasses in the room call DR) is complaining about the room not letting him snort coffee. God damn. South Dakota might produce as degenerate people as Nebraska. Got a reply from the Pass Clerk that she received AH’s application on 10/24/18 and sent it to unit management on 11/08/18. Apparently it’s been sitting in Schwisow’s inbox for the last 7 days. Lazy bitch is never here and no one does the work that goes with her job.

Forgot to write yesterday (11/14) that Captain McClintock (?sp) called me to his office at 15:36 and asked me to repeat my witness statement. He also asked which officer I reported it to the next day. I eventually told him it was Wesson. He thanked me for coming forward and said something about them holding us to a standard and they held themselves to a standard too. I didn’t comment out loud that whatever the standard was, it clearly was no higher than the one for inmate behavior.

Fri, 16 Nov 2018 [414 + 316]

Burn in Hell, Susan Strong, Devil. Betrayer of Justice. Queen of Lies.

Jim Acosta wins case against White House’s fascist attempt to revoke his press pass without due process. Haha. One good day for democracy. George Conway, Kellyanne’s wife, calls Trump Administration a “shitshow in a dumpster fire”. Haha. Hehe. Hoho.

Had a medium-nasty grease (“fish”) patty for lunch. Then went and got an influenza vaccine. Before 11am count the electrician-moron came and on the third try figured out why our light switch turned every other room’s lights on/off, but ours were stuck on (if they hadn’t removed the fluorescent bulbs). But they almost killed me first (one of the state employee electricians did something at the light switch that caused a cascade of sparks and unpleasant electric shock sound and smell). They didn’t have time to put the further-back set of bulbs back on the overhead fixture before count started.

Saw movie “The Foreigner” with Jackie Chan. It was pretty good. Pierce Brosnan was in it too and played a bad guy.

Sat, 17 Nov 2018 [415 + 315]

Fuck Nebraska. I am not sure I believed in a literal Hell before 2017; now I know it’s real and it’s right here in the center of the US.

An endless boring day. I should have used the time to work on my paper for the UNO class, but I can’t seem to get interested in it. There is apparently a lot of K2 on the campus right now. JH is selling it and Ch and Ri are high on it right now. They talked about two other people “carrying the bag” – a euphemism for selling it (one was Porkchop and the other a name I didn’t recognize). Last night I had to be firm that they better not smoke it in the room. They agreed to not do that. Two people came in and smoked it in the smaller toilet stall while I was in the shower.

Sun, 18 Nov 2018 [416 + 314]

This place sucks. Susan Strong can rot in Hell. Fuck Nebraska.

Talked to TH last night. It was a good call. It is his birthday at the end of the month. He’s working out again and socializing more with his GA friends.

K2 addicts at it all day. A terrible high and risking more time in prison. That’s some trump-supporter intelligence at work.

Unrealistically hopeful about getting moved early this week to CCCO. Both DK and RP think it’s still possible.

Mon, 19 Nov 2018 [417 + 313]

Fuck this shithole state and all its degenerate people. The dumb bitch Montgomery here today again and doesn’t close the dayroom for cleaning. She also won’t give me the bleach to clean the phones. She sprayed the rag once; so I went around and touched the phones with essentially a dry rag. This place is a tinder keg for some infection. I hope if it blows, it at least takes out as many of the devils who are authorized for violence (state employees) as devils who are not authorized for violence (inmates)

Class today was an ego booster. Dr. Wuebben said I was so good he wanted to see me get published. I told him my only writing desire was to expose Nebraska for the fraud of it is. But I wouldn’t mind writing for The Nation or New Republic or something like those that aren’t mouthpieces for the police state. He suggested I check out Jacobin magazine. Never heard of it.

More K2 bullshit today.

I wonder if they might be keeping me here for the UNO class despite promising me it wouldn’t happen.

Tue, 20 Nov 2018 [418 + 312]

Freezing cold today in Hell.

Wed, 21 Nov 2018 [419 + 311]

Moved to work release in Lincoln today. Packed up my property yesterday and turned it in by like 1pm. Left this morning around 10am. There were 12 of us, including the beautiful DA. I feel exhausted and my back is throbbing from carrying all my stuff around all day and sitting in uncomfortable seats.

The things I like better: nothing really yet although the potential seems to be better for things to come. I guess the food was a little better (and I mean very little). The visits seem like they will be a lot better. There seem to be more opportunities on the horizon. The staff might be a little nicer (the people greeting us anyway); although the lady that did the orientation was a raging bitch. They tried to stick me in an upper bunk, but thankfully I had the bottom bunk pass so they pushed the guy in D9-BL to BU and I am now in D9BL.

Things I don’t like about this place: the showers are group showers. They seem really asinine about pretty stuff, like how you make your bed or putting anything non-TV on your bunk’s TV shelf. Things are different and what rules and constraints are absolute vs. just on paper. The changes and uncertainty are always unpleasant and scary at first. Hopefully that passes, like it did at DEC and OCC.

BRD and AR are here, so that is nice. Looking forward to seeing mom and AH tomorrow!

Thu, 22 Nov 2018 [420 + 310]

“You’re doing too much” and “prairie-dogging it” > Nebraska phrases that pop up again and again.

Day 2 in work detail. Mom and AH should be here in a few hours.

Awesome visit with mom and AH from 10am to 12pm. The unit guy originally said no no, but then the command center called and he let me go. Lots of good laughs and she was OK with picking me up a TV and lamp. After I asked her about the game controller. I will be able to pass the days quickly with that. Emailed Barb about getting me the floating ace configurations for Super Mario Bros 3.

Thanksgiving dinner here was underwhelming. The turkey was some weird pock-marked thing whose only shared characteristic with turkey, the animal, was the general color.

Talked to Dad on the phone. He said he had solved an issue with my garden tub and how it sat on the tile. We talked about doing things that attracted plenty of wildlife. I said that fed into some ideas that I had as well for the toad palaces, the lily pond, insect hotels, etc. I also mentioned the tea garden idea.

Wingate, the case manager, was actually pretty helpful – even though he was kind of sour about it. So far this place is definitely more pleasant than OCC. If something happens, though, from here I would be sent to the Auschwitz, called DEC locally.

Fri, 23 Nov 2018 [421 + 309]

Visit from Mom and AH today. I went to try and call DP today too. After I woke up and brushed my teeth and shaved, I came back and there was a horse head (a knight chess piece) in my bed. Is that a message? LOL. I don’t remember if I wrote how they forced the guy in my current (lower) bunk to move to the second bunk since I had a lower bunk medical pass.

Nebraska has two holiday days for Thanksgiving. Guess they really feel passionately about the Puritans massacring the Native Americans. Certainly they made out like bandits from Native genocide and their justice system reflect those values to this very day.

Another good visit with Mom and AH. They said there were no restaurants in Lincoln open for a Thanksgiving dinner. What a #)($*@#)-up shithole of a town. We talked about the stuff they were buying for me, color schemes for the house, outside projects, their Black Friday Walmart terror, and a bunch of other topics. Lots of good laughs. Mom kind of agreed about my dog suggestion and even added that they recently saw a copperhead while moving some boards around. So that’s good news. She’s also on my side about the pool. I asked AH to follow up on my Cloud accounts. At the very least, could she ask them not to delete my data until I’m out in Oct 2019 even if they won’t let her make a payment on my accounts.

Got a reply about my Ohio driver’s license: “You still need to get a Nebraska ID”. So have to request a pass for a Nebraska DMV visit.

Sat, 24 Nov 2018 [422 + 308]

Only 28 scaramuccis to go. Started reading “Homo Deus” last night. I like Harari’s writing. It reminds me of my own sometimes: blunt, sarcastic; attentive to nuance and detail, but low on quotations from other view points. 60 weeks completed.

Looking forward to Mom and AH’s visit today. Also the TV and Plug n Play Nintendo – even the reading lamp will be great.

When I get out I’m going to post an ad in the newspaper saying that I’m doing research on corruption in Nebraska government. If anyone has any leads they would like to share, especially regarding judges and prosecutors, I will pay for any lead which proves credible and I can use in my book. Interested in outright corruption, appearances of impropriety, preferential treatment using their offices, adultery, drug use, favoritism/nepotism, relationships with private prisons and other companies providing services to prison populations, and using their positions to keep their own friends, family, and donors from facing the same bitter justice that they dispense to strangers and non-donors. Then give phone number and authoritarianwatch.org website.

Had another good visit with Mom and AH. Then they went back home. 🙁 At least I have a TV to kill time with. Started playing Mario 3, Legend of Zelda, and Castlevania. But I wasn’t quite into it today.

There’s a rerun of Saturday Night Live where the musical guest is that hot black guy – something Scott (Troy or Tony). Would love to get some of that.

Sun, 25 Nov 2018 [423 + 307]

Thomas Friedman asks which is worse: That Trump is amoral or that he’s a trump. Haha. Great question. Reporter asks trump what he’s most thankful for and he replies that he is most thankful for himself. What a “shitshow dumpster fire” (George Conway).

Check out Google Calico project (immortality).

Got job assignment of kitchen. They’ll call me after 830 count for specific assignment and schedule, et.al.

Finished Chpt 1of Homo Deus and started China: A History (by John Leay), the introduction. Both good books. Talked to TH and he asked about Python. He wanted to send me a book to bone-up on Python and teach him too.

There is a channel 8.2 here called Grit TV. I think it’s all Westerns. Today it is playing all John Wayne movies.

Mon, 26 Nov 2018 [424 + 306]

Just waiting around for kitchen orientation… Mailed letter to Kawasaki and American Job Center. We’ll see what happens there.

The spaghetti here is actually pretty good. It has big chunks of milk sausage in it. What a difference from OCC and specially from Auschwitz (DEC). At 11:36 I went back to the kitchen to see if I had missed the job assignment call. She said “no” that it would probably be after 2pm or so. Good to see Nebraskan employees here aren’t any more honest or conscientious about their work than at the other facilities.

Got a reply from the nurse that she faxed my order to the pharmacy. I told her my current pill calendar runs out tomorrow.

Roommate AG (DU) says his Dad is chief cardiovascular doctor somewhere in NE (Charles G.) and he says don’t give children under 1 year vaccinations. Scary! I started to argue with him, but why. His dad probably really isn’t a physician at all and even if he was, how could I compete here with no access to information. He said his dad says autism only occurs int he USA (false) and it’s because of those childhood vaccinations (I suppose they might teach that in Nebraska medical schools).

Roommate Chw (AU) chimed in after that and said he had friends that started birthing their babies at home to avoid Nebraska’s fascist behaviors in hospitals. He said that sometime Nebraska sued people for “child endangerment” when they applied for birth certificates for home births – but usually lost. Interesting, if true, this is great information for my book on Nebraska injustice.

I forgot to mention that the transition between these two stories. AG said his Dad said to not let the child out of their sight because the hospitals would try to take the child and do it anyway. He claimed that they did try this. I commented that that direct disobedience to the parents’ wishes should be illegal – basically assault. Chw claimed it was very common and rarely did anyone face consequences. I said this state is fascist.

Roommates I know so far: AU: Chw, AL: D, BU: , BL: me, CU: ?, CL: Cb, DU: AG, DL: MW.

MW says that he is being paroled on Wed. I hope so as he’s a pain in the ass. I shared some cookies with him (and the room) the first couple days I was here until they were gone. Then he asks me if I have some candy or cookies for him and fully expected some.

Gave full sack of pop tokens and mostly full sack of copy tokens to female case worker to get credit on my account for them. Also sent $1 check for two sponsorship packets – one to mom and one to AH.

Tue, 27 Nov 2018 [425 + 305]

First day in the kitchen. God damn… it’s a fucking workout and killing my back. I guess I need the exercise. I’m not going to last on the ibuprofen though. Need to start going to bed earlier too, I guess.

Reentry guy says they don’t start working on parole transfer until 120 days out. Stupid fucking Nebraskans. They each have a different answer to the same question and probably none of them is right.

Oh, forgot the funniest story from yesterday. Fat guy MW was making his bed and his huge ass was sticking up toward the door. His whole 6 feet of ass crack was right there for all to suffer the sight of. The tall female officer opened the door (opens inward) and what is right in her face but a 400lb ass crack. Her face was priceless and I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something like “Oh, my God”. He tried to hike his shorts up, but there’s not enough cloth to cover that canyon. He says “sorry, sorry, sorry” and then they parted ways. Then I started laughing my ass off.

The “nurse” here is a useless bitch just like the so-called nurses and PA Cheryl Flinn from DEC. All she can do is parrot prison regulation and things she DOES NOT DO and the extremely narrow etiquette and engagement process that she accepts before even considering giving medical care. Her name is Ina Thiel.

Nebraska police Scotty Payne murders a citizen (29yo Zachary Bearheels) with a taser. He’s on trial for that murder now.

“See something. Say something” app – 1984, here we continue. Humans need to live in serfdom because they’re too lazy to do the work to keep a freedom-based form of government.

Wed, 28 Nov 2018 [426 + 304]

The kitchen job might kill me. I’ve gotten so out of shape. My whole body aches and I’m too tired and ache-y to even sleep. The kitchen supervisor keeps telling us to “look busy” – which is even worse than actually being busy; today we had to “look busy” for over an hour and 40 minutes. Today she (Linda) had an argument with two obnoxious black guys running the fryer. So tired…. so tired…..

MW and BRD leaving on parole today. Good deal.

Wrote a nasty-gram to the nurse recapping the situation. I requested a refill on 11/19. I was notified of the transfer to CCCL on 11/20. I notified Medical on 11/20 by IIR and in-person on 11/20. NDCS controlled my transfer from OCC to CCCL. I reminded Medical at CCCL on 11/21 and re-reminder Medical via IIR on 11/21. What else should I have done or still need to do to get my prescriptions? I did not have any pills left starting today. Then I added something about not receiving a substantive reply about rescheduling my labs and appointment with the doctor. Is anyone taking that request seriously? I should have added something about the absurdity of her orientation speech on 11/26 pre-chastising the new arrivals in advance for following her many personal policies and narrow rules for engagement (“don’t talk to me in the hallway”, “don’t stop by my office”, “even if it’s an emergency, go back and talk to your unit staff first”, “don’t call me if you throw up” “don’t call me if you have a cold” “put a kite..” “don’t show up even one second late” “don’t show up more than 5 minutes early” and another two dozens proscriptions and then the most absurd statement of all “we’re not saying this to be strict (lazy was the adjective running through my mind), we’re saying this to get you used to living in the real world. I’m not sure what real world she’s referring to. I lived in the real world for 43 years before mistakenly setting foot in this cesspool of inhumanity and corruption called Nebraska and I’ve never seen or even heard of a healthcare providers that talks or acts in any way like this screeching bitch. In the real world, she would never be issued a nursing license and certainly would never be employed in a real job.

The female caseworker closed the dayroom because people were being too loud outside of her door and then making fun over her after that. She asked them nicely first. I think she was well within the realm of reasonableness until she added “you’re in timeout for an hour”. That was immature and low class, but then her target audience was in her same class. True that the precipitating behavior was also, but it was about three individuals. Effectively this is a group punishment so that she can avoid the minimal extra work of identifying an punishing the actual individuals responsible. Extreme laziness is a common theme among Nebraskans, especially the state employees.

Thu, 29 Nov 2018 [427 + 303]

Day #3 of the kitchen. So many thieves in the kitchen: the inmates on both sides of the counter. Haven’t detected theft on the part of the state employees yet, but they’re Nebraskan so it’s only a matter of time. I asked someone wanting a sack lunch if he had signed it already and he said “don’t worry about it – just give me a sack” and gave me a dirty look. I hate thieves, even if they’re stealing from other thieves and devils.

Talked to caseworker Wingate and Ogg was in his office at the same time. I asked about moving forward with my 4B paperwork and they said I needed to wait for my case plan to be done and there was nothing I could do to speed up that process.

Case manager called me to his office to say he would scan and send my paper to UNO instructor when I had it ready. Good Lord – I was pulled out of the class, but they still think I can write the goddamn paper. No computer. No library. Fuck these dumb bastards. I hate to disappoint Wuebben because he’s a good guy, but how am I supposed to get this done with both arms tied behind my back and so tired from the kitchen I can’t even keep my eyes open.

Idea for a chapter: Nebraskans as serial liars: (1) the arresting officer Brabec saying with his shit-eating grin that the stop was for a seatbelt safety checkpoint, (2) the officer saying he was on the left side of the car when he was on the right because it made his story about seeing the pipe for plausible even though it would have put him in a lane of traffic. When my lawyer confronted him about the impossibility of seeing it from the left side, he changes his story back to the right. (3) OCC saying that they would make sure I say in Omaha to finish the UNO class, (4) OCC saying I was going to Omaha work release, (5) OCC saying “just go Lincoln work release, you can still be in queue for Omaha and when I got to Lincoln that laughed out loud at that (“there’s no chance of that”), (6) my lawyer saying “go for the plea agreement. you’ll get probation when there was never a chance – that the biggest joke in prison. Everyone here laughs out loud when you tell them that and they have the same stories, (7) the judge/whore calling what she dispenses “justice” when it’s the biggest lie of all.

Stupid-ass fire drill right after work was over. Then another stupid-ass count. The kitchen is driving me crazy. People are stealing left and right and that bugs the piss out of me. Like to-the-core bugs the piss out of me. I think I’m going to say something and then I’m going to be murdered by one of the thieves.

Talked to Mom and Dad. They got tile work done and next on to the hardwood. Can’t wait to see it. K & C were visiting. Mom is going to send books and resume copies tomorrow. They got a kick out of my exhaustion working in the kitchen story. I should have told them I was the “lead server” after only three days. The qualification was that I showed up on time two days in a row and didn’t steal any food – and I’m not sure the latter was even a qualification because they have no idea who is stealing what.

Submitted a transfer request for $250 to my hopefully soon-to-arrive debit card. I really hope it arrives tomorrow so I can get a soda over the weekend.

Requested emergency contact update again. She replied back “did I want to update contact to my mom” I replied that my mom or dad was fine, but their shared address had changed, so if I die in this cesspool of a state, send my corpse to the new address.

Fri, 30 Nov 2018 [428 + 302]

OMG. I may not make 30 days in the kitchen. Was threatened by one black guy for not helping him steal from the kitchen. I didn’t stop him from stealing, but I’m not going to help him. He said “we’re going to have to get you off the line”.

Doesn’t look like my medicine is here or my bank card. Damn these incompetent heathens. So far a depressing day. Those thieves in there make me so frustrated. I’m going to pop a blood vessel in my head. Checked my balance earlier. I think it was like $838. No medicine. no mail.

I’ve been so crabby all afternoon and evening. The kitchen work is thoroughly obnoxious. The old man in charge of watching us over lunch time was literally standing over my shoulder watching how many hamburgers I handed out and counting French fries. I found that the number that pleased him most was 15 french fries unless the fries were particularly large and then less. It seemed like maybe he just liked them to fit into the tray square even thought that pissed off everyone because it was so few fries. God damn Nebraska and especially Whore Susan Strong.

Moonlodge and Keefe – who owns these two companies? Oh, and CSI. They seem to be allowed to sell garbage food and products to inmates. Also JPay and GTL. Corruption – smells like corruption.

Mon, 1 Oct 2018 [368 + 362]

Woke up for to a very smelly room Not sure what the source was, but thankfully it’s gone now after the cleaning of the floors. Since it stunk I went to breakfast to escape the smell while it was being cleaned.

Need to get my ass in gear on this paper. Damn it.

Yikes, terrible earthquake an tsunami in Indonesia. 844 dead and 17,000+ no homeless. Terrible.

Finished the response to challenge #4 just in time. Kind of an uninspired production. At class, I got the first paper back with no teacher feedback but two student feedback sheets. The student feedback was pretty terrible. No grade from teacher until next time.

No word from the case manager about my NCIC check; although she was here today.

Tue, 2 Oct 2018 [369 + 361]

Nothing good to say.

The NCIC report came back OK, which is good news. CM says we can finish up on Tuesday, 9 Oct, as she says she needs to work through some internal steps the rest of the week. I will be in queue by Thursday, 11 OCT. Hallelujah.

Donald Trump caught helping his family dodge takes. LOL. Outright fraud.

I said unpleasant things about Ms. Bless twice in one day. Need to keep working on my goal of only being pleasant or constructively critical.

There is a hurricane off the coast of California – craziness! When will people wake up? Not Nebraskans, but real people?

Talked to Dad. Been raining here too much for good progress. The inside insulation guy has been sick. As soon as drywall is up, they want to move in as their temporary location is too small and soon will be too cold. Will call mom tomorrow. Oh, and the 401k check arrived yesterday.

In a decent mood because NCIC check step is over and it seems like I will probably make it to work release by Thanksgiving. Fingers crossed.

Wed, 3 Oct 2018 [370 + 360]

Learned yesterday that the officers and gang members communicate informally to decide who can be out walking free on the prison campus. Our ex-roommate A who was due to come out of the hole from his fight last week and a rumor of that spread at least on this unit yesterday morning. By afternoon, the same rumor mill was saying that the Pisa gang was OK with that, but the Peckerwood gang said NO WAY and he never came back.

President implicated in second set of crimes: evading taxes in the 1990s and “outright fraud”. I hope this picks up steam and ushers him quickly to prison.

So far in a good mood. Work release is within reach. But no guarantee that corrupt actors will be consistent with their own corrupt machinery. 37 scaramuccis down and 36 to go – finally past half-way by scaramuccis.

“The Donald” dodged fraudulently hundreds of millions of dollars of taxes, New York Times impotently declares.

Helped DK write a letter to the Ombudsman about their refusal to treat his foot one day and the generally unsanitary conditions of the unit that increase the risk on his open diabetic wound. The same wound they refused to treat the other day because they perceived he was “being sarcastic” to him. Included references to the turd found in the shower and the lack of hot water in the sink.

Got a reply from Property that my TV would be worth $146.85 if sold new. I talked to C in SAU, who had expressed interest and gave him the form. It’s questionable whether he’ll have the money when it comes times.

Talked to mom and told her about the work release status. She was excited, as am I. She still wants to come visit for Thanksgiving. Told her that I wanted her to send my Columbia jacket and possibly CK-Be or CK-Summer. I would love her to send some homemade buns and maybe some cookies.

Thu, 4 Oct 2018 [371 + 359]

Every hour of every hour it seems like the same stories over and over and over and over again and yet they’re not exactly the same. It’s like a goddamn nightmare of stupidity. Like a 50s psychology experiment where they tape your eye lids open and you’re forced to watch stupid people having stupid conversations about stupid topics. And not just regular stupid people, but Nebraskans.

Drafted pardon question #20 last night. Will draft #36 today and do a second draft of both on Friday. Then try to get an appointment with the Legal Aid guy next week to take a look at my responses and make suggestions if he will.

Just got a reply from Allmendinger (SAU) about what my recommendation was. It was: (1) complete out-patient substance use treatment, (2) obtain and utilize a sponsor, (3) build a healthy support system, (4) attend two self-help support groups per week. I’m not having a sponsor unless it’s a hot guy.

Bought a “How to Learn Latin” CD on the MP3 player. Also, got some legal instruction content on various topics. Oh, yesterday the PHO book from my September book requests came in. Gone through the first two chapters already. The book is due Oct 29.

Got the receipt for the concentration camp by baking oven receipt from Ellinger. It is #2018-8177.

Fri, 5 Oct 2018 [372 + 358]

Skipped my job today Fuck this prison slavery and fuck Nebraska. Day 372 of this Hell on Earth.

Today I wanted to finish up the draft of the pardon application and then start on the paper for the next UNO class. First draft of questions #20 and #36 finished. Made a checklist of things to do going forward: ask JH to confirm my old PO address, ask B about TC address, and need to find out the name of the case manager from DEC. Also signed up for an appointment with Legal Aid.

Now on to the UNO class work and PHP reading for the day.

Ugh. Charrin, the despicable and retarded whore, is here tonight. At least she is well-behaved this night. Loaned D, the 20yo pedo roommate, some tokens to get a power of attorney form from the Legal Library.

Got a letter from PD and a form letter from the Parole Board confirming my hearing set for next September 2019. A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR. PLEASE LET ME DIE BEFORE A YEAR PASSES. I can’t take this another year.

Turns out A(C) did get put back out on this campus and the J3B unit/section in particular. It caused quite a stir because he began asking for the stuff the other roommates stoke from him and enlisted the case work in the effort. He asked me on Wed or Thu, whichever day he came back, if I knew who had his light bulb, a special one for hobbyists. I said I didn’t know, but I just didn’t care enough about him to risk my own life over his light bulb. Tonight I said “hey” to him while crossing in the bathroom and he just ignored me. Good.

Sat, 6 Oct 2018 [373 + 357]

Woke up horny as hell. Damn, I need to get out of this place.

Productive day of reading: two chapters of PHP. One chapter of Crime and Punishment, and the two readings from the UNO class.

Altercation in the room at 4pm count. D was asking some stupid questions and JH got pissed at him over some questions about snorting Ramen soup seasoning (Yes, I’m serious). JH told him to shut up, but he kept acting weird and grinning. JH jumped up like he was going to hit him but he didn’t. D pouted for a few minutes and then put his hat over his face and went to sleep. He refused dinner and church. He is super-immature. He should not be here in an adult prison for everyone’s safety. Nebraskans are immoral.

Went to lunch, err.. dinner because I was feeling hungry. Kind of a waste of time because the food was salt – in the form of chicken nuggets with rice with gravy. But this adorable guy sat at the table and looked my way twice. Wow, he was cute and looked sweet and pleasant.

Today is the end of my 53rd week in this hell-hole called Nebraska.

Sun, 7 Oct 2018 [374 + 356]

Need to write the UNO paper today. Damn it… this looks like a stupid one. I didn’t want to do it… but I must. Can’t quite. Don’t want to be in the same despicable category as a Nebraskan.

Roommates are doing K2 for the second day in a row. They’re even louder and noisier than usual.

Abbott walked into the room and was asking for/about A(C)’s stuff again. He wanted someone to say they knew where it was at. No one said anything and he said “of course not”. What a fucking Nebraskan…. he, who lies about writing people up, about putting in work orders for unhygienic showers (turds floating showers) and voluntarily works for an organization that lies about EVERYTHING (serving animal food to humans, rigging the HVAC to boil humans to discomfort, and at least one death, is judging some captives who took state clothes and some personal property from another captive (who they thought was going to be shipped out to another facility, as they typically are and wanted to derive benefit from it before a state employee stole it), was judging US?? Fuck that closeted-asshat and the pink unicorn he rode in on.

D(pedo) got quite an unpleasant lecture from LL over 4pm count. He spent 60% of the time grilling Frodo (D’s room-assigned name) about the details of his crime. According to LL, the yard rumor mill says his victim was an 8-yo niece and he tried to get her to suck his dick. At first D denied that the girl was-his-niece, but when LL said “yes, it was. I know it was”, D didn’t deny it and his demeanor gave away the truth of LL’s belligerent claims. LL went on threatening D’s life if he came hear his city (Norfolk) or any other SO. D just stopped talking finally and sank into his bed. He did say only “I did some stuff I’m not proud of”, but was quiet after that. It was unpleasant, but no violence and hopefully some good will come that he started understanding the gravity of the danger here for him and even to know that what he did was wrong through social condemnation (it’s not clear that he otherwise knew it was wrong).

What he did was certainly gross, but what society is doing here is even more gross. D is basically a retard (Sorry, readers… but that’s my early 70s language coming forward). He is intelligent, in the sense that he can solve match or logic puzzles, but he can’t grasp less deterministic paths. He has the maturity of someone about 10-15 years younger. He thinks he can absolve himself by being honest among these deplorables. I’m sure his type of people have existed for all of time, but they were handled as aberrations and handled with care (and sure, sometimes, violence by their families or tribes). But now that society only extreme legalism and zero common sense, they’re always treated with violence, to the detriment of their own healing and possible utility to society, and certainly there will be no healing on the part of the disrupted family. The lesson from modern American, especially Nebraskan, society is that “hate will find a way” and hate-as-a-first-resort soothes their desiccated souls.

I threw D a swiss roll after the room cleared for lunch and it was apparent he was going to stay in his bed pouting. It was not necessary for LL to go on for quite so long and to be quite so nasty. He lives in a glass house himself – drug dealer and domestic abuser (forgive my temporary judgment, dear reader), but I hate people who pile on an underdog. More so than any absolute offense.

More drama on A(C). He was still stirring up the officers to find his light bulb in our room. I am completely baffled by why they have spent so much time on this already. They don’t give a rat’s ass about an inmate’s light bulb… what in holy hell is going on? Is A(C) felating the Warden and particularly good at it? His new room (Room 12) is stealing all his stuff and making plans to force him to check into protective custody. There were lots of calls and threats to beat his ass. JH said that the Pisa gang, who has been half-heartedly protecting him, had issued the green light to punish him for “snitching” (on the theft of his own property!) and including cops in his attempts to get his belongings back. Crazytown!!! Complicated ethics, if any, and complicated politics, for sure. Apparently he’s due for a beating and getting checked into protective custody.

The unit and room is a God-damn oven. Complained to Ms. Abbott (gender-based verbal attack) and he said he would talk to the Lieutenant . Half-hour later it seemed to start cooling down. Not sure yeti f it is for real or if it’s my imagination. Could there be a humane person somewhere in Hellbraska? How would she/he have evolved to survive in such an environment? It boggles the mind.

Mon, 8 Oct 2018 [375 + 355]

JH was playing his TV crazy loud at 8am this morning so I just got up and ate breakfast. It was waffles and raisin bran and red koolaid (wtf?).

RP just disclosed that he nearly murdered someone at Tecumseh prison by stabbing him in the rectum. Apparently paramedics came out covered him with a black curtain and he thought he’d killed the guy. But the guy lived and RP “only lost some good time”. FUCKING GOD DAMN – he’s a sociopath and I’m sleeping next to him every night.

I didn’t get a pass for the UNO class last night. I still need to finish the paper just in case there is class anyway.

Tue, 9 Oct 2018 [376 + 354]

Last night another miserable 90 degree + oven in the room. Maintenance came in and did something after 4-5 days of torture (and one death, at least) and now it’s cooling down a little.

Met with the case manager about my reclassification to work release. It seems like the dumb whore was not prepared like she had committed to being. But we did do an evaluation of some type and she is going to do some other paperwork and said to come back at 8pm.

Talked to mom and dad. Insulation guy is done until the drywall is up. Drywall guy is to start soon and it’ll take about a week probably. They don’t think they’ll be moved by November.

Sent IIR out to refill [medication]. Also sent IIRs to Reentry; (1) to get start on the interstate compact, and (2) ask about medication while I’m on parole since these degenerates have wiped out my savings, damaged my professional employment opportunities, cancelled my health insurance, and …. The case manager suggested I contact them, but I suspect she was just tossing a ball over a fence because she knew no one cared or would do anything about my healthcare needs. Those don’t help them make money and that’s what this is about.

Douchebag Abbott refused us a trash bag. He’s a piece of shit.

Wed, 10 Oct 2018 [377 + 353]

Not much sleep last night. A guy in Room 1 started an argument with Nazi Gibson by refusing to stop walking this trash can to the bathroom with him. (LOL?) Then he refused to tell him his name so he could write him up. Gibson called three yard dogs to take out the anonymous degenerate inmate.

Then RP got an earplug stuck inside his ear and needed medical attention. (I couldn’t possibly make this shit up!!) DK was snoring like a freight train as usual. J was up blasting his spotlight at 4am. The loud-ass guard came in at 5am to wake D up to work in the kitchen. Waterboarding at 2pm!!

Hurricane 4 (Michael) headed for Florida panhandle. No global warming to see here folks!

Stupid bitch case manager has lied once again. She hasn’t fulfilled a single commitment since I have met her sorry ass. Just last night she committed to having this supposedly one-week process (now rounding out the third week now) done. Today she says “we do case management stuff on Tuesdays”. I said I would try to be more reasonable and forgiving, but maybe I’m just incapable of it. They disparage inmates constantly for failing to meet expectations and then here, in a CORRECTIONS facility, they race the inmates to the bottom – and win. They make me so exasperated I want to hang myself from the second tier. If there was a reliable rope. Another before I can get into queue to get out of this hell hole. No doubt my attempts to call out the criminal behavior of the state with regard to rotted food and + lack of bleach during the MRSA outbreak have weighed against me.

Thu, 11 Oct 2018 [378 + 352]

Freezing cold standing in line at the one open Canteen window – and the slowest, rudest new bitch to work in the canteen. OK, that is an exaggeration – she is exactly as rude and slow as bitch-Pat or bitch-Chris.

Had a legal aid appointment, but the lazy ass in there said to hire an outside lawyer. That was a waste of time – should have predicted that. Need to decide if it’s worth hiring an outside lawyer. In Nebraska even the defense attorneys that you pay big money for work for the prison industry.

I think I figured out why I keep getting screwed over by Nebraska. They hate liberals – and worst of all, a gay liberal that uses drugs and is an intellectual. It clicked when someone started putting out political ads saying that so-and-so (Kara Eastman?) and Nancy Pelosi hate Nebraska and consider it a “fly-over” state. When the case manager gave me their “Strong R” questionnaire, one of the questions was “what have you been doing with your time?” I answered “SAU, UNO class, learning philosophy, watching lots of CNN.” She interrupted with a snarl and “ugh.. that’s the Clinton News Network” and added “I’m a Fox girl”. I wanted to tell her how stupid that made her, but I was a the disadvantage that she can bring the overwhelming force of that state’s violence power onto me. I said something about “opinion vs. real news” and she came back with “CNN is opinion”. I agreed that CNN had too much opinion, but that Fox had even more and their opinions were evil. At the end of it, she said come back at 8pm and she’ll have it all entered in.

At 8pm, I came back and she showed me the paper that said “recommended to move to 4B work release at CCCO”. I signed it. She said we need to get Ellinger to sign it tomorrow. She said let’s do it at 10am and then she said “no, he as town hall at 10am. I’ll have to be mid-afternoon”.

On Wednesday, she never came around as she had committed to. I poked my head out the door when she was walking to her office (2pm-ish) to ask if we’re on for the signing and she said “honestly, no. we only do those on Tuesday”. Honestly – why would she bother being honest now??? Lying whore. So that means she knew she wasn’t being honest the night before and has no integrity. She has to desire to fulfill her task that was pushed into Wednesday in first place because she didn’t start on it as she had committed to on Tuesday. It makes more sense that she just decided to fuck me over because she is a looney Trump-supporting Republican and this was her opportunity to screw over a liberal.

Thinking I should file a retaliation claim about this situation. Going to go ahead and do the grievance on the no-hot-water in the bathroom issue that’s been going on since I’ve been here too. The degenerate care manager’s name I just found out is Schwisow.

Fri, 12 Oct 2018 [379 + 351]

Starting to accept the fucking over by the case manager for a third week in a row. If it doesn’t happen this week (16th) then I’m going to report her for discrimination to the Ombudsman. Only four days until Tuesday and I’ll be parked outside her office when she comes in.

Yesterday was the 32 scaramuccis-left mark. I forgot to mark that down in the journal. I want to cut back to only $50 of canteen for the next four weeks. I got down from $85 to $64 yesterday, but I think I can do a little better. Drinking less soda would certainly help.

More gang talk today at the 11am count. A refreshing change from several days in a row about pussy. I had my fill of that.

JH was watching COPS or one of those degenerate shows and some younger kid shot someone and that got them talking about how much time the kid would get: probably 10-15 and out in 7. Then they (JH, LL, and R) discussed out that was good strategy for “big homeys” to send “little homeys” to do the shootings; that is, because they get a lot less time for the same shootings.

There was a little gang chat last night too. After coming back from a visit/argument with his wife, he told her he would probably still need a gun to defend the family against young gang bang boys training to make a name for themself. Plus he might go right back to selling crack because “that’s what he knows”.

Fucking “fish” again today. Wish they’d stick that fish up their ass. In this trashy, redneck state, it’s more likely the same roadkill that gets variously labeled as fish, chicken, or pork depending on the hue and amount of decomposition.

The prison staff is a ‘who’s who” of the otherwise unemployable: the emotional unintelligent, the socially-disabled, the morbidly obese, and of course, the psychotic sadists. The socially disabled: Pat from Canteen, Charrlin, Sanders from J3C. The morbidly obese: Nelson from Laundry, Tuate, Sally, and other Other Guy from kitchen, Tina from Records. We have an escaped Nazi (Weiss) and self-described white supremacist McCluskey.

Roommate DR was just physically attaching by Officer Duffy at the 9pm count. DR was sleeping when they came in to count at about 910pm. DR had earphones on so he could sleep because he is forced by the concentration to work at the kitchen at 4am and our room is full of loud-mouths. Charrlin asked DR to show his face for count and he didn’t respond (because he was ASLEEP) and she didn’t say it very loud. Then sociopath Officer Duffy started spazzing out saying “I’m tired of these games and then using the side of the mattress as a proxy to punch him in the side (his fist was against the mattress and the mattress hit DR). DR then woke up. This guy needs some serious therapy. He went from zero to psycho in about 45-60 seconds over NOTHING. Charrlin had lightly tapped DR’s arm, then Duffy shook the metal part of the bed and yelled “I’m tired of playing games” and then Duffy punched DR, a sleeping 20 year-old. Duffy, a 60-something year-old piece of human garbage who can’t find a real job.

Going to submit this as a grievance tomorrow.

Sat, 13 Oct 2018 [380 + 350]

380 days done and 350 to go. Went to breakfast this morning. What a waste of time. There was only cold cereal and banana coffee cake – neither of which I can eat (allergic to banana). So breakfast was a watered-down mango juice and moldy, donated bagel. Nebraska degeneracy at its finest.

After lunch, I submitted an email to NDCS Contact about Duffy’s spastic and violent outburst last night. Then on Wesson’s suggestion, I also went to the lieutenant’s office and filled out a witness statement.

JH is telling C how much stuff he used to steal from a store that they both knew from their neighborhood. He’s saying it with pride and nostalgia. Gross. I hate this place. 30 minutes earlier JH and T were discussing one of their homey’s debts to someone on the yard (J). T said “he’s lucky I like him or I wouldn’t pay him back. He’d be beat [for the money]”, meaning J. SO paying back a debt is not connected at all in their mind to having given their word to pay it back, but only to whether there is any future utility in maintaining the relationship. That’s what a Nebraskan’s word means.

Sun, 14 Oct 2018 [381 + 349]

Interesting docu-clip on the Korean War’s Cho Sen battle – marines had to turn back against an onslaught of the Chinese, who had laid a trap in the Cho Sen valley for arrogant Douglas MacArthur.

Crime and Punishment is getting good – decided to up my daily reading allotment to two chapters per day. I’m almost finished with Smerconish’s Clowns to the Left.. A few articles I enjoyed or could see myself citing in future papers of my own. Yesterday I loaned Fear to ML upstairs since I was a week or so out on starting it.

It started snowing in Hell today.

Schwisow (Liar) was a no-show today. She was not here Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Started a log of hours that she is available.

Was in a bland mood earlier today, but now feeling frustrated, anxious, and a bit angry at the usual set of things. Tired of this stupid ass room. Gang banging morons. I’m so tired of hearing that ignoration, hypocritical, childish garbage. “So and so disrespected my hood by doing such and such. Let’s all add six extra months to each of our sentences to resolve it”.

Yesterday I helped J from J3A in my UNO class work on his paper. I read it for him and provided feedback. Today just heard that he was taken to the old and they packed up his personal belongings, but no one knew what for.

Mon, 15 Oct 2018 [382 + 348]

Tossed and turned a lot last night. I think because I took too long a nap yesterday. One day until I get reclassified – hopefully – if that dumb cunt Trump supporter Schwisow bothers to show up for work.

That lazy bitch is here today!!! Wow. What’s the special occasion!?!?!?

The guy they called Porkchop, who is commonly held to be a “snitch” just came back to the unit with huge holes shaved into his head – all over – and his eyebrows are shaved off too. Someone’s name is shaved into the back of his head.

Saudi government admits to killing journalist Jama Kashoggi (WaPo journalist).

C and the old black guy that were also in queue for being reclassified said they were told today that Schwisow was told not to put them in for work release because the list was too long. I approached her to see if I was still on their sch3edule for Ellinger to sign my change tomorrow. She said she went ahead and put me in last week (even though she said last week I had to wait until Tuesday). She said my change had been sent to DRC in Lincoln and that step could take 3-6 weeks, but was usually much sooner. DRC is the step that yields a “bus pass”. I’m not sure if she’s just lying to me to get out of her face. I will ask her for details tomorrow.

LL is a total psycho. His wife didn’t answer the phone and now he’s screaming and hollering about how he’s going to leave her, beat her, cut her again, and comparing himself to someone looking at 20+ years for abusing his girlfriend. He’s ranting like a retarded child.

JH is giving a lecture to the room on how to get away with murder. He said if you shoot someone, grab their gun and shoot off a couple bullets from it or shoot a second gun you happen to have on you and put it in his hand and then call the cops and say it was self-defense while “I was buying wed from him” and then you’ll only get five years for felon in possession of a firearm. Good Lord. This is crazytown. He then said it is easy to get away with it if there’s no connection to the person you shoot. Specifically, he was talking about shooting random “Blood” gang members (as he is a “Crip” gang member).

I don’t know how successful I will be at not being angry when I leave here, but I still want it as a goal. I don’t want to be angry and bitter for the rest of my life. I think that will make for an unpleasant second half. I added some personal goals to my goal list: improve patient, be less envious, and less mean-spirited in disagreements with adversaries (constructive criticism only).

Tue, 16 Oct 2018 [383 + 347]

Just nothing in particular.

God damn. I hate this room. Noisy bastards. LL just made a loud pronouncement that he wants to kill his wife. JH just as free with his drug dealing and gang-banging strategies.

Felling better now. Went to Schwisow to do my case plan and at the end she told me that my request for work release had been approved for CCCO. So any day now I could wake up to a notice to pack up and head across the street. The case plan stuff was weird though. I guess they had to have three areas to work on and I only had one area that really needed attention: drug and alcohol use. They just randomly picked family and education. She said family got picked because I didn’t have any kids. I told her I was gay as Christmas at Elton John’s. Then she got weird with “It’s not too late…” Umm… that doesn’t change the applicable biology of the situation. Anyway, the only action that I really have is the same as I already planned for coming out of SAU: attend two SMART meetings per week.

Schwisow is apparently working on a Bachelor’s in Psychology. Well, that’s good for her. Perhaps some education will help her see the stupidity of Trumpism.

Wed, 17 Oct 2018 [384 + 346]

Still here at OCC.

More stupid conversations at both counts. JH has taken to regularly playing his TV at full blast in the room, no consideration to anyone sleeping or trying to watch something different on their own TV.

Two people on the yard were taken into custody for having K2 episodes. Good – less competition for work release. I hope that K2 makes its way to the work release facility and some people get kicked out.

Trying to read about Thomas Hobbes in between loud obnoxious conversations about drugs, gang killings, and misogynistic sex, usually led by JH and his motor mouth. If anyone’s picture should be shown next to “motor mouth” in the dictionary, it should be JH. His mouth moves at 1000 words/minutes, but 250 of them are variations of the n-word. Not unlike how Smurfs work the s-word into every sentence and any part of speech in their our discourse.

DK said four people came back from work release to OCC today. Good! Hope I get over there sooner than later. It’s funny how well they keep track of who comes from where, how many move from one institution to the other, etc. C’s from C came out of the hole today (from threatening the Canteen guy last week).

Thu, 18 Oct 2018 [385 + 345]

Canteen was out of more stuff on my list than they actually had. No cheese. No tortilla shells. No <10 other things>. Fuckers.

Need tow work on my UNO paper today. I’m not in the mood, but I’m sure once I get started I’ll have lots to say about the topic: communication technology.

Pat Robertson says “one man’s killing is not worth jeopardizing a $100bn arms deal”. Ha. Evangelicalism at its finest. [Regarding the killing of Jamal Khashoggi].

Charrlin here again tonight. Ugh.

Fri, 19 Oct 2018 [386 + 344]

McCluskey certainly has his favorites. Day room closes at 8am for cleaning unless you’re the white supremacist type. I had to wait to clean the phones until 817 while one of his pets – T – used the phone.

Two people left for work release today: PC and B. I don’t know the latter. They are showing the movie “The Equalizer II” today at 355pm. I think I will watch it.

The room is acting like a crazy mob on DR because he didn’t clean the room well. Then it turned into not washing his ass and brushing his teeth. Now it’s back to his charges. I don’t think this room will actually harm him though, but another room might. I’ll be scary news when this room changes over.

Might have to come up with thesis for the UNO paper #2. Facebook has made me a better communicator as a citizen despite its being a dangerous technology in need to regulation.

Wrote up the information for JG to help setup the network and stuff from mom.

Tried to call TH, but no answer.

Sat, 20 Oct 2018 [387 + 343]

55 weeks completed. Only 49 to go.

Sun, 21 Oct 2018 [388 + 342]

Mayor (LA) Garcetti says Trump surrounds himself (his administration is full of) “bullies, bunglers, and brown-nosers”. Ha. Spot on.

Ben Sasse on Jake Tapper hocking his book and 2020 presidential run. No Nebraskans!

JH and LL leave this week – thank God. Two of the most annoying people to have to share a room with. One because he leaves his damn TV on blast on the stupidest shows on the air and the other because he is so loud and stupid. The funniest thing is that the latter is stupid and he knows it and is proud of it. For the love of God, please!

The K2 addicts were complaining this morning that the guy with K2 was jerking them around. He kept telling them to come back in an hour and then again and again. Today they found out why. They’re waiting on a guy to shit it out – literally. HA.

Mon, 22 Oct 2018 [389 + 341]

Still at OCC. No “pack it up” yet. I did get a pass for the dentist at 115pm and no pass for class at 530pm. Need to finish my paper today. Not sure about the dentist appt. JH’s infection and subsequent pain for 5 days has me apprehensive about having them do anything. I think they’re replacing the carpet in the dayroom. They need to spend their money fixing the plumbing in this shithole.

*31 scaramuccis remaining*

They tore out the carpet from the dayroom area. Wonder how many months before they replace it. Rumor-mill says they’re putting cameras in the bathrooms too. It wouldn’t surprise me. Nebraska is full of perverts and rapists – especially among the prison staff (Dermody). Why not watch us on cameras too.

Got quite a bit of content written for paper #2. Not sure if I have class or not though. Asked Wesson and then Abbott to check and see if/why we didn’t get passes for the class tonight. Went to class and finished typing up paper #2. I think it meanders a bit where I pasted new content in between stuff from Saturday. Showed the instructor the TIME article about the American Dream and zip codes. He seemed interested and scanned it and wrote down the date and article name.

Tried calling TH but there was no answer. Will try to call him again tomorrow.

Tue, 23 Oct 2018 [390 + 340]

Had an idea for work release. I wonder if they would let me work or volunteer at the Orpheum Theater? I’m going to try anyway. Also going to check on taking that computing class

Just read The New Jim Crow for the UNO class. Interesting article – I may try to order the full book. Also saw another interesting book in the end notes that I may ask mom to order for me: The Politics of Injustice: Crime and Punishment in America (Beckett and Sasson). Need to ask Barb if she can find the Nixon/Erlichman memo.

I’m so tired of JH’s and LL’s motor mouths. They talk as much in an hour as anyone else in the room talks in a whole week. And their conversations are always about either pussy, drugs, and gang politics or economics. They talk a hundred miles and hour because they’re afraid of losing the speaking floor to someone else. They overtalk anyone else who dares to try and inject their own content in the “conversation”. They don’t care who is trying to watch TV, read, or sleep. Their motor-mouths just don’t stop – ever. Hopefully they’ll be gone tomorrow.

Wed, 24 Oct 2018 [391 + 339]

Got up early for breakfast, the only decent meal they have here: fried eggs, bacon, and toast. Couldn’t sleep because of R’s goddamn TV as shining and making noise all night.

You get better results on rule-breaking here with Abbott if you’re a cute 20yo. He told me it is not allowed to have a small trash back, but was OK breaking the rules for cute Tyson from another wing use our microwave.

No one left for SAU today. No word about my leaving yet. I have been so frustrated and irritable all day. These noise fuckers and inconsiderate as all get out. Their stupid ass friends come in and yell into the room and leave the door open. I’m worried what kind of hateful person I’ll be when I leave here.

Bombs sent to the home of the Obamas, the Clintons, John Brennan c/o CNN, Eric Holder, Debbie Wasserman-Schulz. Some crazy Trump supporter, no doubt. Give him the death penalty – I’m sure Trump supporters and GOP are all OK with this.

JH just admitted int he room that he robbed a King Kong stores with the help of one of his “home girls” named Doris. He said they arranged it together and she agreed to take a gun-butt to the head to make it look right. He was telling the story to DK, but he said it in normal hearing range of DR (reading a comic) and me. Does every Nebraskan have it within them to lie, cheat, and steal? They’re all degenerates. Something in the corn or the water, perhaps.

Someone in the goddamn room needs to wash his ass. I find myself irritated about every little thing that happens while waiting for the work release transfer, but that shit smell would be too much even in the best of moods.

Thu, 25 Oct 2018 [392 + 338]

LL left earlier this morning – thank God. The room is quieter already. C also moved to SAU. No work yet on JH or R’s move and he didn’t say anything about my move either. 12 days left to my projected move date. Another day with nothing going on and nothing to do.

Hurricane Wilma hit Mexico on the Pacific side yesterday (or two days ago). A tropical storm that is equivalent to a Category 5 hurricane is expected to hit US territories/Northern Mariana Islands. It’s the strongest storm to ever hit a US territory.

JH becoming more angry and abusive – I think he is frustrated that he didn’t get moved to SAU today. He just threated to extort money from some guy in our unit. I didn’t follow the whole conversation from the beginning, but I think they were talking about B. On hour earlier DR announced that someone had stolen his 12 tokens. I’d bet money that it was JH based on prior experience, his own constant disclosure of amorality toward stealing from people out on the streets and in prison, and his immediate telling of a story about someone else coming into the room and doing this theft job. I get along with him and he’s very personable most of the time, but he has zero morals and no concern/empathy for others and I suspect he would turn on me in a second if he didn’t find me useful in some ways (or perhaps he’s just intimidated by actual intelligence and/or he knows I will use the Captors’ processes to my advantage if needed).

We just got an adorable new roommate – a Mexican kind name H, nicknamed Ch. It would seem that he’s straight as he immediately showed me pictures of his girlfriend and a baby. But then I caught him looking at me a little too long. Wishful thinking or a stare of dis-attraction? Ha. All I know is that I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Yum.

Fri, 26 Oct 2018 [393 + 337]

10th and 11th bombs found. This might be the new version of the Reichstag fire, for the Trump Era. I’m sure he’s trying to usher in a Fourth Reich. Little does he know it’s already begun here in Nebraska.

No paper work for work release today. 🙁 I’m hoping for next week at the first of the month.

New guy came after 11am count to the take bunk vacated by CS. He’s Hispanic/Latino. Apparently his mom knows RP’ from a past life. He had some anti-gay stuff to say initially, but later qualified it to mean he didn’t care for “gay for the stay” behaviors and it practitioners. I think that qualification was added for my benefit, likely at the prodding of one of the other roommates. That was classy, I guess.

Ch is so dreamy. I think he’s putting on a show for me. Maybe my imagination or more wishful thinking. He bought some long-johns on the yard earlier today and put them on. It was a great view. He pointed out again the pictures of his wife and daughter, so I guess he caught me staring. He also told JH that he had three children in total in three different cities. So he’s a man-ho.. I love it. Mmmm.

Sat, 27 Oct 2018 [394 + 336]

56 weeks completed. 48 weeks to go.

Synagogue attacked by gunmen. 12 shot and 4 dead. Start the the clock – 48 hours and we’ll see another crazy Trump supporter following out Adolf’s instructions.

Long list of things to do today. Finished section 3 of Crime and Punishment this morning. Want to get some of the Kant section of 12 Great Philosophers started. Finished Hume yesterday. I like Hume’s empiricism and his thoughts on society and religion, but I thought his morality philosophy was weak (too relativistic and too tried to emotion). Also want to get my response for the UNO class completed and write the ACLU letter for J/PF.

I hope this coming week is one that finds me moving to work release. This place is driving me crazy, especially since I got the “bus ticket”.

Finished a letter to the ACLU for PF/J from the Asatru religion about their reduced space. It was pretty good if I do say so myself. But a waste of time. Even though it was announced in the paper that they were building something new for some kind of dog & pony show project of the Warden’s, they are claiming they’re reducing the space for a “security issue” because they know that will shut down any principled discourse about the issue. The warden can get away with any atrocity by simply uttering or writing those words. Around here, the only people who lie more than the inmates are the staff and administration.

Sun, 28 Oct 2018 [395 + 335]

Start of the 57th week of captivity.

Jake Tapper ended his SOTU show with a clip of Mr. Rodgers (because the synagogue shooting occurred in his actual neighborhood, Squirrel Hill) saying when was a kid and there was bad stuff going on in the news, his mother would say “look for the helpers whenever something bad happens; there are always people helping”. Then one could feel good about humanity again. Seems like a nice sentiment, but humanity is really too terrible to survive. There might be those 0.000001% percent of people give humanity a good name – who help and give unconditionally, but they just don’t make it worth the 99.99999% who are terrible, hateful, self-serving people who have no problem torturing, raping, and caging other humans for their own financial and political benefit. Humans are a plague upon the Earth.

Tom Friedman: “we’re living in an age of moral arousal”. This is good except when people shut off our rationality to govern the arousal (that’s my conclusion – he says “moral outrage” when I said rationality). He says it’s “Trump’s business model to be divisive”. He reminded me of how great it was that President Obama was for inviting two people who had a fight in public (a cop and a Black college president) over to the WH for a beer.

The new roommate’s name is Ri. He’s not as bad as I thought at first.

Tried out the “Learn Spanish” album that I bought on the MP4 player, but I think it is supposed to accompany a book because nothing is adequately explained on the MP4 alone to facilitate learning. The Latin one has been better so I started on lesson #1.

The room is getting more obnoxious, I think. They continue to harangue DR, but right after the room semi-cleared out for lunch, they (DK, HJ, RP), made plans to also harass J because he’s becoming “too big for his britches”. It is true that J tries to pick on DR too as a way of ingratiating himself to the opinion leaders/violence purveyors in the room. Twice they (RP, DK) threatened DR if they ever encounter him on the street because of his conviction. It is just beyond bizarre how casually and unprovoked they announce it.

JH becomes more appalling to me each and every day. He is controlling and manipulative and verbally abusive to his wife; he speaks of stealing and acts of violence as if they are wrong for everyone else, but OK for him.

Saw part of “Native America: From Caves to Cosmos” on NET. I like the information – need to try and find the whole video if I ever get out of this horrible place.

DK is going on and on about beating the shit out of and killing people he dislikes. I think that a lot of time is spent threatening violence and death to people who don’t conform to their wishes, sometimes in advance of them issuing their edict. JH and RP are like that to some extent too.

Mon, 29 Oct 2018 [396 + 334]

Ri kept the light on until 1130 last night. People making noise early in the morning. Got up for waffles at 6:20. Should have just slept in.

Finished my response #6 last night. It is pretty good, I think, but I couldn’t include much of the stuff that I wanted to. I did get the Nixon/Ehrlichman interview in though. I hope I am not still here to see his response/my score.

Racist kills two black people in Kroger parking lot in Jeffersontown, KY. Thanks Donald Dumpster-Fire.

Feeling frustrated and exhausted even though I took a long nap. Got a pass for spring UNO classes but I’m not going since I’ll probably be moved to work release before then. Chances are I’ll be moved too late to sign up at CCCO. I finished my Comp class response and was pretty happy with it, but not so excited now. In fact, just don’t care about it and don’t even want to go to class tonight. Feeling anhedonic, but not so much as last spring.

Fuck Nebraska.

English Composition class was good. Got a 50/50 on Response #5. I also got four copies of my paper #2 draft that had been reviewed by his regular students. That tells me that he must have been really wanting to share my paper to have so many copies out for review! Who said a little flattery can’t improve the mood?

Tue, 30 Oct 2018 [397 + 333]

Early morning fight among the troglodytes (the inmate ones). Two of them were packed up. The rumor mill says it was a dispute over being poked while asleep because of loud snoring. One of them took the “pro” position and one of them took the “con” position. Ha.

Ted Lieu calls for House Judiciary Committee hearing over hate crimes and gun violence, but Republicans are unlikely to do so.

More room abuse of DR, who is so dumb he seems to like the attention and pays no attention to the threats of death. The controlled-deviants say each time they’re going to include J (another sex offender) since he frequently joins in the abuse of DR, but that never materializes. I think because DR invites the discussion onto himself by saying stupid things and interjecting their their game/organized crime discussions.

AR in the next room got his checkout sheet today, so he’s going to CCCL tomorrow. He said that he got his bus pass on Oct 2. I got mine on Oct 20, so if that it any measure of the wait, I’ll be here until November 17th. Please God, not that long.

RP and JH and DK call J “Reverend Do-Wrong” or “Reverend Bad Touch” and one other related thing. Can’t lie… that’s pretty funny.

Wed, 31 Oct 2018 [398 + 332]

Halloween. Fuck Nebraska and Susan, the Whore, Fraud of Justice.

Got called to the dentist office at like 10:15. Got my teeth cleaned. Feel so much cleaner. Dentist found two cavities – one the big ugly black took and the other one I’m not sure of. Stayed of 11am count.

JH is a huge drama queen. Maybe gangs in general are big drama clubs – not enough data to say for sure. But JH at least has some gang drama hissy fit every single day. Today it’s about his homey, H, not really begin “from the hood” and their local gang leader C being a chimo. He and T punched H in the area near the water fountain. Yesterday it was about T being a big baby. The day before it was something else.

Goddamn, I need out of here!

Sat, 1 Sep 2018 [338 + 392]

Mom and B visit at 12pm.

Had fun visit with Mom and B today. Lots of ideas for [project] discussed. B talked about wanting to learn to officiate weddings. Lots of other topics, I can’t list them all.

I saw some advertisements for ‘Tiny Houses’ on A&E. Going to see if Dad has an interest in starting a side business out of that. Going to call and talk to him after 4pm count (not necessarily about the tiny houses).

Watched Bush II’s and Obama’s eulogy of John McCain. W’s was good – strange how bad things have become that I’m nostalgic for George Bush. But Obama’s was fantastic – what a real president should talk like and values he/she should have.

September could be hopefully the death knell (hopefully) for Dumpster Fire’s presidency. 63% disapproval rating. 49% of polled support beginning impeachment vs. 43% against.

I keep thinking about the Nebraska Inferno idea and liking it more and more, but writing an epic poem sounds daunting. How do you even start creating an epic poem? A plot probably and then probably decompose the plot into sections and chapters, like prose book – probably? But then what…

Sun, 2 Sep 2018 [339 + 391]

Good visit with Mom and B from 745am to 1045am. Hopefully next time it’ll be on the outside that we’ll get to visit.

Mon, 3 Sep 2018 [340 + 390]

34 scaramuccis down; 39 to go.

Need to get my ass in gear and get Comp paper written.

Wow, pulled off a paper in about two hours. I’m surprised at how decent I think it turned out, considering how little time I put into planning it. The instructor called out my paper from last time as particularly good and one that he wanted to share with his regular students on UNO.

Watching “RBG” on CNN.

Wrote a draft of the letter to Ernie Chambers for PF. Funny, the topic came up in UNO writing class. PF is writing about his religion (Asatru) getting shut down by the Warden and Religion-Arbiter Barb Lewien. Their religion celebrates outside like the Native Americans (and one other religion) and Lewien is taking their space for some project that will generate more revenue and publicity for the prison.

Tue, 4 Sep 2018 [341 + 389]

The hearings over Kavanaugh for Supreme Court have been enjoyable. Lots of protestors screaming about how shitty a person he is and lots of pushback from Democrats: good. It’s about time those pussies grew a backbone.

Supposed to do the room cleaning today, but JH started doing it because he thought hit was his turn. I asked if he wanted to trade days or just pay him tokens. Thankfully he chose the receive the tokens, so I got out of this week’s cleaning. Wednesday… next week.

Bob Woodard’s book “Crazytown” out and look like it will be great!

Did the phone cleaning at about 815. Asked UCW Wesson to mark me off. She said “OK” when I asked, but it didn’t look like she actually made any move toward the worksheet where they mark that stuff down.

Wrote an IIR to Accounting to ask if I could have my slave pittance donated to the ACLU.

Wed, 5 Sep 2018 [342 + 388]

Old, near-death roommate can’t stop shitting on himself. And he is definitely rotting from the inside.

Stupid fucking Nebraskans can’t figure out how to fill a pop machine. Every time they fill it, they don’t set it backup correctly and it doesn’t accept coins for three days. That’s what happens when you quit after 8th grade, kids.

Wrote a letter to JG describing what we want his help with. Also wrote some checklists for her to give to Spectrum and Wimax to make sure they do the right thing.

Got an email from B – she found out JF was assigned to NSP since 12/20/2017. Since he was in the county jail for longer than me, he probably has very similar end dates. Still no work from douche-nozzle Jeremy. I first thought I might write him or send him some money, but after digesting the news for a couple hours – I don’t want to talk to him again.

Talked to TH. He is thinking of visiting over Thanksgiving.

Thu, 6 Sep 2018 [343 + 387]

Canteen is patrolled by a bunch of douchebags. Near the end of scanning my order, he threw a a Neutrogena bar on the counter. I said I hadn’t ordered that and don’t want it. He said I did order it. We looked at the original order and it was NutRageous, a candy bar. He said “that is why we don’t use cursive”. I asked if he was seriously asserting that. He appeared serious. Instead of just declaring it an understandable communication mishap, he was turning it into some convoluted about why it was solely my error. I wanted to say so many sarcastic things, but including that , according to the SAU program, he was demonstrating criminal thinking, by failing to take accountability for an error. But that dumb bastard (Pat) would just escalate his vindictive behavior to no useful end. He is welcome to stick the Neutrogena bar and/or the NutRageous candy bar up his lazy ass.

Roommate L is a damn hothead. They denied his canteen order because he is on room restriction, but he thought he was off yesterday. The canteen, UCW and self-identified racist McCluskey, and UCM Switzle (?) say he is because the admin lay-in time doesn’t count as punishment. LOL, OMG these people are shit. He started threatening the case manager with non-compliance and then even some thinly-veiled violance.

Burt Reynolds dead at 82 (1935 – 2018). Called mom and dad. Project is rolling along.

Fri, 7 Sep 2018 [344 + 386]

No parole meeting today, apparently. I guess I’m on the second meeting (2xth) of the month. I didn’t get a pass and McCluskey said I was not on the list.

Nurse said the spot on my arm was not MRSA. Thank goodness (that is if the incompetent nurse-cop knows her ass from a hole in the ground, which is a tall order in Nebraska). Survived another day in the Nebraska without acquiring a life-threatening infection from the food or water.

Sat, 8 Sep 2018 [345 + 385]

Burn in Hell, Slimy Serpent Susan Strong.

Sun, 9 Sep 2018 [346 + 384]

A pox on the evil House of Susan Strong. May her infernal corpse be returned to Hell.

Talked to Dad – lots of good ideas for the project. Someone talking to him about having frisbee gold business. Never played frisbee gold. [project details].

Talked to case manager. She said the parole meeting is on Sept 21st and that I could apply for work release right after that. She is off on the 21st and 22nd and so I could stop in for a reclassification on the 23rd. Good news. One week less than I was thinking I would have to stay here.

Got idea for the food paper at the UNO class: reply to the Foer “No Meat” article with anecdotes from my own family experience. Just need a particular food and a point.

Submitted a prescription refill. Sent an IIR to the librarian to see if I could continue requesting books through them here even after transferring to CCCO.

Finished watching Downton Abbey, Season 2. Lots of good shows start this week – hopefully that makes the time pass quickly.

Mon, 10 Sep 2018 [347 + 383]

Need to get my butt in gear on the UNO food paper – 3pm!! ….. Just finished another masterpiece on the topic of food: my grandma and meatloaf.

Strange prison dynamic (perhaps adapted from gang dynamics): “big homey, little homey”. The “big homey” can farm out dangerous and high-risk work (like holding contraband… drugs, stolen goods, guns) to the “little homey”. Sometimes the little homey risks the same or even more (closer to parole, lost good time). Why do they do it? What’s in it for them to spend more time here for someone else? Same for gang/”hood” stuff outside prison?

Ha – only 32% of Americans think Trump is honest and trustworthy. Who are those 32% who think that – do they have a head?

Tue, 11 Sep 2018 [348 + 382]

Only nine days until the parole review. Then two days until I get into queue for work release. Burn in Hell, Devil Susan Strong. Hope Satan has a nice place for you for your hard work.

Got the “Response #2” back from UNI last night. Got a 50/50 and some nice comments. Now it’s time to start on the first paper.

Got a 4 on the room inspection – locker, bed, and chair. Ha – fuck this place. I hope I get an MR for this so I can use it in my book.

Someone upstairs is fighting – three rounds of thunderous pounding on the ceiling. Crazy, stupid asses. Why give more of your life to the degenerate citizens of Nebraska?

Got a long lesson on how I would like federal prison better. Pass. The only people who could be more or as degenerate as Nebraskan citizens are American citizens generally.

Wed, 12 Sep 2018 [349 + 381]

Got up early for Breakfast – it was edible. Came back to Kristallnacht. Asshat and cross-burning specialist McCluskey didn’t take much from me – just my lampshade (some cloth rubber-banded around the lamp).

Wrote a few ideas last night for the UNO class paper. I’ll probably do the paper on the “fat tax” article.

Lunch today was supposed to be “beef, bean, and cheese” burritos. I didn’t go because I wanted to go to the library instead. But the guys who came back from the lunchroom said it was a shriveling up “bean, bean, and more bean” chimichanga (fried in roach-oil). I did go to the breakfast this morning and got the breakfast sandwich (hard-boiled egg + sausage + cheese + toast), which was edible. There was an apple with the meal. It looked cold, crisp and fresh. One bite – perfect! Two bites – perfect! The third bite, my hand gave the apple a bit of a turn for the next bite and my finger effortlessly slid right into the core of the apple through a huge rotten spot. Couldn’t heat anymore 🙁

Thu, 13 Sep 2018 [350 + 380]

35 scaramuccis down, 38 to go. 50 weeks done. Burn in Hell, Susan, daughter of Satan. 8 days until the parole hearing and 10 days until reclassification.

Got a reply to my grievance on the unclean laundry. It was from UCM Carroll. It was an expected bullshit response. They implied, without evidence, that I overfilled the bags or tied them incorrectly and that’s why the clothes didn’t get washed. Unfortunately that defies the facts, which was that the laundry was not even slightly wet on the outside (as it usually is). There had been no moisture applied to any part of the bag at any time. Tying the bag incorrectly might explain items missing and haven’t fallen out – it doesn’t explain that the laundry wasn’t clean at all. She also lied again about the “no recent cases” of MRSA on J3A.

Baiae – Roman “sin city” northwest of Pompeii (also in the shadow of Vesuvius). Half of it beneath the water – a “sunken” city. Nymphlium – guests were served food on a floating plates while in a pool. Fish farms for wealthy people. No discernible government buildings. Sadistic Nero entertained in Baiae. 4th c AD sunk below the waves (plate tectonics). Volcanic activity made area attractive for natural springs and hot baths.

Fri, 14 Sep 2018 [351 + 379]

Had gotten 4’s on room inspections for the last two days because I made my bed by folding the blanket into a square and putting it at the end of the bed instead of tucking it in like wrapping sandpaper around a pine board. I told McFuckstick (racist) that I wasn’t able to bend like that to make the bed like requested because I have a L4/L5 spine injury and that activity requires me to use my back as a lever at exactly the injured position while trying to life the mattress and perform his slave duties. He acted as if he was thoroughly exasperated and said “do what you”. I asked if just folding it in half and laying it on top of the “mattress” would work. He said OK (which is what I had been doing since Day 1 anyway). What a piece of shit.

DP hasn’t answered his phone for the last two nights. Wondered if got my letter.

Got a 1 on my room inspection. Guess my discussion with him was a success. I heard today that he’s leaving for some industrial job. Good riddance.

JH got raped by several Nebraskan officers in the visit room. His wife kissed him and they saw it on the cameras and thought that she was passing him some drugs. They made him spread his butthole three times and Officer Doofy (Duffy) kept saying “why is your hold so tight?” I told him he should file a PREA case. I’ve watched gay porn that was less suggestive.

Some fight on the yard after room restriction dinner. Someone named GR was sent by his gang leadership to “take someone off the yard” (definition: “beat someone up until they ask for protective custody and/or a prison transfer”) just so his gang could keep him (GR) in prison longer thereby increasing the count of that gang’s active membership in prison. SICK!!

Talked to mom and dad. Probably going to be 2nd or 3rd week of October before they are ready for DP and JG.

Sat, 15 Sep 2018 [352 + 378]

Nebraskans are trashy as shit. Another one of them stuck his head into our room and yelled “CN, you have any shells you want to sell?” while we have people sleeping in here.

Got a reply from Inmate Accounting saying I could NOT donate my fake wages to the ACLU. We can only send our funds to family for support or to buy hobby items. Funny.

Starting reading “A Brave New World” (Huxley). I had started reading it a long time ago and never got past the first chapter because it seemed boring. Now it seems very compelling. Wonder if my Nebraska-caused hatred of government is the difference that makes it interesting to me now.

I’m so tired of this torture chamber. 104 people share 4 toilets. After every meal, half of those people have to run to the toilet and shit out the meal that was served by Dr. Mengele’s Kitchen, so you’re often left for long hours of agony waiting for one of those coveted stalls to become free. It your “ticket” doesn’t come up before count starts, you have to live with cramps and potential busted seal for another hour or two. Miserable people – they’re far more evil and devoid of morality than 90% of the people they’re imprisoning.

No response from DP. Owens is the case worker here on B-wing tonight. Only six days left to the parole review. Eight days until I’m in queue for work release.

Got a thesis for my food/food policy paper. Now I need to think of some personal anecdotes to ground the thesis.

Sun, 16 Sep 2018 [353 + 377]

How many Nebraskans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they have slaves for that. They deserve having their light bulbs changed by their slaves – their prison industry costs them a lot of money. Maybe the rancid bitch Susan Strong acquire a horrible, pus-filled disease and die. That would be great.

Started watching Downton Abbey, Season 3 on NET. Good stuff. Check out britbox.com Also, started reading “The Perpetual Peace” from Kant’s political writings. Seems like an easier read than the one on Theory vs. Practice.

Finally talked to DP. He has been learning to paint miniatures. I need to add a human, female necromancer to my big campaign idea (red-haired & carrying a fan). He has a great mini for that. He had already been talking to mom about pushing the work back a couple weeks.

“You are clinically dumb” and “there’s no such thing as learning herpes”. Hilarious and always appropriate when living in Nebraska. Phrases from a movie coming out soon. Would love to work those into my satirical discourse.

Mon, 17 Sep 2018 [354 + 376]

Didn’t get an earlier pass for the UNO class like the instructor had said we would. Guess he couldn’t swing the getting us there before count as he had wanted.

Probably failed my third bunk inspection – frankly, I’m having a hard time caring.

The meat on the “Reubens” looked like someone at a can of spam, puked it up, and mixed it with the contents of a dust pan. And that visual appeal was the best part of it. I put some in my mouth and it taste was nauseating.

My roommates are some real scumbags. They’re talking about scams they ran, like “green dot scam” and putting “I have cancer” jars in places and setting up “I have H??c.. help me travel before I die” GoFundMe’s. JH, RP, et. al. Gross. I hate Nebraskans. They’re (all) as nauseating as the food.

Tue, 18 Sep 2018 [355 + 375]

Nearing the end of Brave New World – kind of a weird book. It’s like he wants you to dislike all of the characters. Perhaps that the point – the future, everyone will be terrible and shallow. In that regard, he was a 20th century Nostradamus.

C told the room about an IIR he wrote to Canteen. At orientation he had asked if he could buy an alarm clock, so he could get to all the restricted activities on time, e.g. breakfast at 6:05am. (In order to further their physical and psychological torture regime, they create hurdles like “you have a weird breakfast time different from everyone else at absurdly odd and short timeframes” and if you miss that small time slice, you get no breakfast, canteen, use of the bathroom, or whatever the “restriction” is written for. At orientation, Chris, the Canteen Cop, told him “send me an IIR and I’ll think about it and we might be able to help”. C sent the suggested IIR on August 30th and today, 18 days later, he gets a reply saying “get off room restriction”. Just one of myriad examples of their cruelty, abject miserableness, and deception (he had no intention of allowing it when he gave that answer at orientation). But mostly it’s another example of punishment by starvation or nutrient-depravation. No canteen food and they make it very difficult to make it to restricted eating times (how does someone get up at 6:05am when the room is dark and everyone else is sleeping wake himself up without an alarm clock or watch? – they don’t).

UCW and man who hates black people McClusky refused to let dying, Cirrhosis-addled, Hep C inmate RP use the bathroom. Inhumane and cruel and yet part of me thinks RP is doing this for attention/conflict (not that I blame him). But he has the same issue at every count and never makes a move to even try to get the bathroom before. He shouldn’t have to, of course. And there certainly are still plenty of examples where people try and still can’t get through the bathroom before count starts or for long-running counts or even when they got caught behind from some other activity and the need just wasn’t bad enough before they got caught unaware. The cruelty of Nebraskans citizens is unending, but especially Concentration Camp Ward Barb Lewien. I hope she has an occasion (or many) to feel the full force on inhumanity some day, similar to what she delivers at the end of whip.

Wed, 19 Sep 2018 [356 + 374]

Fuck all degenerate Nebraskans. Two days until the parole review. Four days to reclassification. Nine days to halfway mark.

Roommate DK(CN) was punished by Medical with the withholding of his insulin shot and by not rewrapping his diabetic toe. I didn’t write about it last night because I assumed they would eventually come back and get him for it, but they never did. Going to ask mom who to report that to, if for no other reason that to establish a contemporaneous record within the email system.

RP’s nephew is a thief – and the gross kind. He steals from his own family. He just contracted with roomie A for some pictures of the Virgin Mary for a tattoo outline. A is a really good artists – apparently the prison allows him to earn money from the outside by doing artwork here and selling it on the outside. RP’s nephew then started some deceitful negotiations with criminal elements in our room to steal the picture when it comes time to pay A for it. Fortunately I think he failed in his planning to make that work. Scumbags.

Two days in a row they’ve had actually fresh garden tomatoes from the prison-run garden at lunch. Those extremely rare garden vegetables are the only decent things every to pass through this kitchen. Fresh tomatoes! It’s been so long, I wonder if my body will reject the fresh vegetables since it’s been so long. They are have been about two other times we had fresh vegetables, from the prisoner-run garden: cucumbers and string beans and they were as good as they were rare.

Tried to call TH, but no answer.

Thu, 20 Sep 2018 [357 + 373]

Got a pass for a parole review last night for 930am. Nebraskans can’t stick to a fucking plan for shit. So had to cram through the canteen line at 730am (or not eat for a week) and still wouldn’t have made it through the line by 930am had it not been for my helpful roommate LL getting me a spot at the front of the line. Got to the parole review at 931 – just in time.

The parole review was quick and easy. They asked what programming I’d done. I said I had completed the SAU programs. She asked what I’d learned and I said “skills for staying away from drugs”. She asked what some of those were. I said “avoid risky people and places”. Then she asked about my parole plan. At first I said “I didn’t have it” because I thought she was referring to a specific document. She explained that she just wanted to know, in general, so I said I wanted to parole to [other state]. The asked about the connection between that state and the one I was travelling from on my way through this Hellscape. I explained it to her. She said grab a Blue Book and stay away from drugs at work release. The end.

Heard some rumor before and after about Ms. Cotton, the parole board leader. Apparently she pled guilty to embezzling funds and got probation. Follow-up to see if that’s true or an alternative fact. Not sure how she could be still on the board and why didn’t she get 4 -6 years? JH and DK said that she and her son sell drugs in Omaha. Even more far-fetched? Or great dirty secret to uncover and expose? Good thing for her that my threshold for declaring someone guilty of a crime is higher than the State of Nebraska’s standard, which is “if the police accuse it, it must be true”.

More potential tidbits: Her son sells drugs at the Super-T gas station; they’re saying he sells drugs take-out style out of a window in a paper bag. Carlos Booza was kicked off the board for suspended licenses.

Finished A Brave New World. “And so they died miserably ever after”. Pyrrhonic aesthete – a “fable”? I guessed correctly that this was about Utilitarianism somewhere.

Fri, 21 Sept 2018 [358 + 372]

Interesting information from KM about Nebraska’s corruption. His probation officer used to be a guard at Nebraska’ worst concentration camp: Tecumseh, where she was impregnated by a black prisoner (which means she raped a black man in prison). Her husband divorced her about seeing the baby was black (Nebraskans are racists first and foremost). Instead of being fire and imprisoned, she was transferred to do probation work at O’Neill, Nebraska. Her name is Kathyrn(?) Holbrun(?). I wonder if all these delicious stories about the depravity of people administering so-called justice in Nebraska are real or they’re feeding me stuff against people who they don’t like because they’ve heard I’m writing a book. I will certainly find out!!

Need to do some research on Susan Strong. I want to be sure to fully research all of her corruptions too No one could be so unjust and not be hiding other evil acts as well. Of course, the wealthy and privileged classes have one a good job of coding their evil as lawful and brainwashing the knuckle-draggers of buying into it.

Finished Kant’s Political Writings! I skipped the “Contest of Faculties” treatise; could not get into it – even the translator labels it as “bizarre” and “strange”. Started reading The Common Good, by Robert Reich (2018).

Ugh. Charrlin is here. Rotten bitch.

Got Crime and Punishment from the library when I returned the other books. Even in prison, a library is a wonderful and joyous place. As long as you find value in books before 1960 (I do), the prison library is still valuable.

Wonder if I should drop the writing class. I’m getting bored with it. I like the ego boost of reading the professor’s comments, but wonder if I shouldn’t be working on my own writing. Better not, though, until I’m over to work release and not risk getting sent to WEC.

Old notes from note cards: USA – revolution in 1776; French revolution in 1789. England – new government in 1688 (Glorious Revolution).

Other notes from scratch paper: thoughts on some core themes of imprisonment <<time>> “time structure”, “tricking off my time”, “doing my time (my way)”, … also <<home>>, <<safety>>, and <<respect>>. Lots of philosophy, hypocrisy, and topical arguments to be had about those themes… what else?

Sat, 22 Sep 2018 [359 + 371]

Need to revamp my food paper today. Not much else going on all day until “Keeping Up with Appearances” at 830pm. Started reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream last night. Started trying to get my papers cleaned up and old junk cleared out of my locker in preparation for work release. Also “inmate.com” says that work detail is now 60 days. I don’t think that’s true because Ms. Carroll (the wife of the Ms. Carroll that is UCM here, who works across the street at CCCO) would have said something about it. She was at SAU to tell us about work release.

Went to lunch today as it was tacos and I couldn’t do soup and rice again. Everything was decent enough except the lettuce was disgusting. Wrote an IIR to the Food Service Director Dickey [Editor’s note: found his picture below]. He is a real degenerate who relishes torturing people in captivity with “food” that I wouldn’t feed to an animal. Wrote: “I wanted to let you know that the lettuce served with tacos was way past fitness for human consumption (though not yet dropping with brown rot, like earlier in the summer). I suppose I should, by now, just accept that the rotten food is an intentional part of the pogram here?”

I’m certain they purposefully do some of these things to be miserable. So much incompetence could not unplanned, could it?

Requested the influenza vaccine from Medical. That reminds me of something funny from DEC. Someone there – I think it was A – didn’t know flu was short for influenza. That’s how good Nebraska grade schools is.

Sun, 23 Sep 2018 [360 + 370]

36 scaramuccis down, 37 to go. Only 53 weeks to go. Hopefully I will hear something back from the case manager today about my work release application.

No update from the case manager. She said it can take a week to come back. Will check with her on Thursday.

Mon, 24 Sep 2018 [361 + 369]

Blah. Up all last night be pedophile A “couldn’t sleep” and was up making noise and shining his spotlight around the room.

Apparently hottie T is getting kicked out of SAU for drug use caught on camera. Hope, JH gets his spot and they swap and T’s my bunkie now. I couldn’t be so lucky… haha

Need to get my paper cleaned up and ready for typing in class. I need to get OK with the idea of just sloppy paper writing instead of worrying about trying to write under these sub-standard conditions: no research capabilities, no ability to edit in place (work processing), etc. But it’s hard to let go of the writing pride.

I’m really happy with the changes to the paper for the UNO class. The intro without reference to drug use was a weight off my back. I loved the intro before, but began to worry that the professor would reject it since he specifically forbid it. The second conclusion was also much better and I made better connectives between evidence sections. The professor read it near the end and had some concerns about run-on sentences and Almanac data. I fixed both suggestions. It’s funny how I can go from being so pessimistic about the paper that I was thinking of dropping the class to looking forward to my A+ and complimentary feedback.

Before class I talked to the grad student that comes with him and mentioned my personal activities and research into the meaning of justice. I also mentioned the idea of a kind of Dante’s Inferno version of my Nebraska experience. At the end she asked if I had told Dan (professor) about my plans. As I hadn’t, I said so.

Got back in time to pickup my prescription from the pill line and to see the season premiere of Young Sheldon, series premiere of Magnum, PI and soon, Manifest.

Tue, 25 Sep 2018 [362 + 368]

Got up early so I could put my blankets in the laundry. They only wash blankets once per week and you have to stop sleep and give them up at the butt-crack of dawn if you want them washed. Had some blueberry oatmeal from my canteen stash and a Diet Dr. Pepper for breakfast. The older guy that fills the bleach bottles spazzed out about someone “disrespecting” him while he was filling bottles near the sink. Racist McCluskey called for him to be taken out by the yard cops after his second outburst. It was directed toward the cute black kid with the pinched nose from Room 6.

Mom replied that she is ordering the books I requested: Fear, Alice in Wonderland, Crime and Punishment, and Homo Deus. Thank you, Mom!

Returned the The Common Good book – that was a great read. I need to get a copy of that for myself eventually. Made a couple of pages of notes in my book notes. Also returned the copy of C&P from the library since it was all shredded up, missing pages, and smelled like the decay of civilization, and may or may not have been carrying the Black Plague. Will wait for the copy mom is sending. Read more of Clowns to the Left of Me; Jokers to the Right.

Bill Cosby sentenced to 3 to 10 years in PA state prison and must register as a sexually violent predator for life. Ugh. I want to stop celebrating in the misfortunate of others, but he did steal the liberty and dignity from other people. Instead, I want to say “Good. It seems that justice was done in this instance”. This does introduce a counter-example to my theory that wealthy and well-connected people never truly pay for their crimes, even the real/serious ones. It seems like his only claim is that he is too old and in physical disrepair for punishment. There are lots of old and informed people in prison here – that should not have been a way for him to avoid some justice.

Wed, 26 Sep 2018 [363 + 367]

Nebraska killed another inmate this morning: some older white guy. The method of execution was not disclosed. They say a coroner will review the death, but we already know how that works. They take six more more months to do the release anything and by then it’s been long forgotten.

Turned in my phone table to property this morning. She asked if I was done with it and I said “yes, I’m trying to clean out my locker before work release.” She accepted that. Also asked if that was where I turned in my TV-sell worksheet and she said just to drop it in the mailbox.

Apparently our roommate A (called C) was just beat to shit by “some white guy” on the handball court. RP saw him after and said he was “really leaking”. RP saw saying that he would go to the hole if caught bleeding by the guard. It goes to Nebraska’s inhumanity that they would punish the victim of an assault with time in the hole. Or is it just laziness? If they discourage reporting, they can avoid the work of treating wounds, writing reports, or investigating the disagreement and assessing the likelihood of retaliatory violence.

Other prison core concepts/themes: (1) “getting money” – meaning (a) selling drugs or stealing on the streets – a preoccupation with fast income, requesting very little effort. also:(b) scams or, oddly, (c) accumulating a set of weights at the “weight pile”. (2) “hot” – meaning (a) “under surveillance by prison officials for using, selling drugs, or other illicit activities or (b) someone who has or might snitch.

It was pretty hot in here last night – really uncomfortable. Part of the maximum unpleasantness objective of the prison, I’m sure. DK predicts tonight will be even worse; I hope not.

Around 730pm Abbott came in and cleared out A(C)’s bed and locker. Apparently he will not be coming back. The roomies think he will be sent out to LCC or NSP. Abbott spent 30 minutes cleaning all his stolen shit from his bunk. Crazy piles/layers of state clothing hidden under his mattress – way more than he should have. The roomies were kicking themselves for not having picked his property clean before the officers came and got it. JH got his earbuds and C got his light-bulb. The rest got packed up.

Somehow they started equating the situation to gang life. The “keys to the car” means “the authority to direct the activities of the local chapter of a gang”. RP has been talking about how he could do a good job cleaning up the Pisa gang that operates here. Apparently he was in charge of a chapter in a federal facility. The gang experts in here were saying that the guy who beat up A(C) was 2nd in command of the Peckerwood gang. Then something that I couldn’t follow about how the Pisa (which protected A(C)) teamed up for some decision about not letting A(C) back on the yard with the Serranos, but that shouldn’t really have happened because Pisas and Serranos are supposed to be enemies. Gang mechanics are every bit as nuanced and corrupt as politics of the larger society. I started to write “pointless” too about the gang stuff, but as I reflect a bit – it’s probably very necessary given that the gang for the power majority (i.e.: police, prosecutors) have shut them out of getting any justice out of that system.

Earlier LL asked Abbott if he had a girlfriend and Abbott said “yes, for like 8 years”. LL said “gay people know other gay people and one thinks you are”. Abbott replied “I don’t care what people say. I’m not.” Then LL: “Oh, you’re just effeminate?” HAHAHA. Abbott just walked away. Well, he definitely sets my gaydar off.

JH just swindled Abbott out of a pair of the Titanium headphones that Abbott had retrieved from A(C)’s bunk and locker. JH had some blank property forms and wrote out a property receipt for the headphones he knew A(C) had and told Abbott that A(C) had been using his (JH’s) headphones. Abbott bought the amateur deception.

Thu, 27 Sep 2018 [364 + 366]

Last night the room was miserable torture. It was like an oven. We tried to open the door to cool the room down, but the sadistic guard kept shutting it. I couldn’t breath hardly at some points and definitely couldn’t sleep. JH said he would up in the middle of the night with random bloody nose. Thinking of writing a grievance about it. This is torture. Wonder if the heat was how they killed that inmate the other night.

Watching the Senate Judiciary Committee interrogate with poor logic and deceitful practice on the part of many senators. I’m liking Sheldon Whitehouse – professional, direct, logical, and with a sharp bite. I think asshole, degenerate torture-supporting, Bush II-era war criminal Brett Kavanaugh is sunk – or he should be.

Got a reply from Food Service Manager Dickey, regarding the rotten lettuce on 09/22/2018. It appears he also has a bit of a sense of humor. I wonder if Torquemada did his work with humor too? He wrote “Sorry to hear this, I will look into this issue – and yes – we can always use help.- please see a food service manager concerning jobs.”

RP just came back from the shower agitated because a turd floated back up into the shower stall and brushed his foot. I tried to talk him into submitting a grievance, but he thought Cpl. Abbott was going to take care of it. I think I should write to the Health Department. Helped write a grievance on Medical for RP because they won’t give him the walker that he needs. They have two styles of walker: one that requires the upper body strength and energy to life the walked with each step, set it further out in the direction they’re walking, and then they pull themself toward the new location and another style that rolls along and has a seat so when they get tired, they can sit on it and recatch their breath. RP even offered to have the one he had at home sent by his mom to the prison. They denied that and they denied giving him one of those that the prison has with the reason “We’re picking who we give those too”. I think she meant he’s Hispanic and Nebraska reserves those for white people.

Fri, 28 Sep 2018 [365 +365]

Hallelujah!!!! Made it halfway through this nightmare. Thank God!

I have decided that I want to work on a few things about myself. I would like to be less rigid and more forgiving to friends, family, and regular people I encounter. I would like to be more pleasant and charitable in my disagreements with people over politics, philosophy, or ideology. But only people of good heart. I would like save my anger and fighting energy for people of evil intent and wicked purpose. I am going to spend the rest of my days on Earth fighting against unjust people, laws, and practices. How do I go about making those kinds of personality changes? I don’t have any idea. Might have to wait until I get out of here and do some research, talk to someone.

Day #2 of high drama on the Senate Judiciary Committee’s Kavanaugh deliberations.

We got a new roommate this morning. It was hairy for a little bit. The kid came from the Juvenile Center (NCYF?) and quickly admitted under questioning by the “khaki cops” in our room that he had an attempted sexual assault on a child under 10 charge. For a few minutes, it seemed like JH was going to do something violent. I was prepared to threaten to open the door and call the guard. Strangely the tone changed mid-threat to trying to help the kid. Perhaps because they intuitively sense that he was very immature (and not that old himself). They “assigned” J to show him around the campus, take him to lunch hall, and other things. Apparently he likes Dungeons and Dragons. Seems like all the pedos here play it. I may never play again.

Learned how to make fried rice from DK, but ended up burning the shit out of the rice. Maybe it was for the best – that way they will not ask me to take a turn at cooking again. Haha. But I did try.

RP got a reply from his Hep-C grievance that just repeated his grievance and repeated their earlier position: no treatment for serious illness until you’ve been here a year. Funny that reply came back very fast – like 2-3 days. That supports my these that they hold onto other medical grievances where they know they’re in the wrong as long as they can to delay as long as they can to give themselves extra time to schedule what they should just done in the first place. Then when they have an actual policy (albeit an evil/inhumane one) to fall back on, they go ahead and reply immediately.

LL is so loud and obnoxious. He’s nice for the most part, but so oblivious when he’s being a dick (e.g. calling anyone he doesn’t like a “faggot”). He’s loud and noisy – talks over people without a thought in this head. Thankfully he gets out in 26 days.

Sat, 29 Sep 2018 [366 + 364]

Oh, got a paper from ML to read. He wrote a paper on the politics, morals, and technology of research chemicals. It was an interesting read. I’m not sure how current all the components are. One theme is that it might be legal to make or buy “ring substitutes” or single-molecule-different chemicals of popular recreational drugs and label them as research chemicals. These can, according to his research, be sold and made as long as they don’t have dosage or usage labeling. Interesting. But also, there’s the fact the one molecule can make a hell of a difference H2O vs. H2O2, but presumably, it would be experienced chemists making those molecule-change choices.

Mass hysteria event in the 80s: satanic rituals around every corner and at the then-new daycare industry. Began with a fake biography about his life in a satanic cult by: ???? Wernke, who later admitted it was full of shit and became a stand-up comic. Too late, though, the idiotic police began a witch-hunt and ruined a lot of lives. The FBI did a 10-year investigation and found little to no evidence of any such trend.

intentionality bias + proportionality bias + fear of random events => conspiratorial thinking

http://adamruinseverything.com/conspiracytheories

I’m in a good mood today – I feel productive and organized. Need to keep up the momentum over the weekend and get my paper written for the UNO class, finish a draft of the pardon questions, and create a better draft of my crime/offense philosophy (in case they ask about it again in the UNO class).

Got an email saying my cousin by marriage HT died. 🙁

Thinking I might not turn in the last grievance about the torturous, baking heat and UCW Gibson.

This kid is not going to last in this prison system. He is a like a 14-year old as far as emotional intelligence. He doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut and he think he’s building friendships by admitting the what he’s done and what’s going through his head, but they’re just leading him to slaughter. If there was any responsible, moral adults in the State of Nebraska, I would let them know they need to move him to a safer place and one where he could get treatment and have an opportunity to develop some adult skills. This is Nebraska; however, and I’m sure they knew this and intentionally moved him in to this situation to stir the violence. Nebraskans can be largely put into two categories: ones with no sense and ones with no soul. Should I try to help him? I’m not qualified and what could I possibly do anyway?

There was a fight in the our room between DK and AR (which isn’t even in this room!). It was a ridiculous, “you are a disrespectful mother-fucker” kind of fight. Apparently AR was standing behind or too-close to DK as AR was talking to UCW Wesson and that was enough to show “disrespect”. So they wrestled around for about 3-5 minutes and AR left quietly. He was back out in the dayroom a half-hour later, so must not have been too bad. I didn’t watch the wrestling.. I was reading my Newsweek.

Drugs are on the unit again. Morons can’t stop even when the stakes are so high.

Sun, 30 Sep 2018 [367 + 363]

Burn in Hell, Susan Strong. Ugh. Need to stop that to meet my less-angry objective.

Wesson came in earlier to ask me some questions about Trump and his net worth. Black guy called C started talking to me at the kitchen sink. He’s doable….mmmm.

Scandinavian cooking website: newscancook.com on CreateTV.

B sent an email saying JT died of an overdose. She had been struggling with an addiction for awhile and he trouble staying away from them. She was recently excited that she had a granddaughter coming soon.

Need to get my ass in gear and write this UNO paper. I still don’t have a thesis – thought I do have a lot of tidbits to add as evidence of something.

I ended up turning that grievance on UCW Gibson in. It’s been crazy hot again last night and shaping up to be the same tonight. Plus I hope they just get tired of me and push me onto CCCO sooner than later. Dear God, please move me there ASAP. I’m going insane here.

Wed, 1 Aug 2018 [307 + 423]

It is BP’s birthday today. Trump’s ICE dept says concentration camps for children are like “summer camps”. They are sick – in the mind and in the soul. Looks like David Gregory is on CNN now – good. I like his seeming-less biased journalism.

Community Meeting stupid as per specifications. Ms. Bless called for roll. 22 new people. Apparently one guy (T) started out in third phase (and was not previously kicked out in the third phase). The whole program is a fraud.

That asshole friend of AT’s, J, was removed from the program. Supposedly his roommate A told on him. Bunch of retards – and the inmates too. Apparently now the story is he told a guard that was going to beat up A.

CT made chocolate cake with Butterfinger sprinkles from ingredients I bought for the affair: good stuff! BP made some hot pockets. It was good too – maybe a little greasy. Sure beats the nasty, disease-ridden shit that the kitchen had to offer.

Charrlin, rotten bitch, is helping on the unit. She is a horrible human being, if you can call her that. In my book I’m going to give her the name “Case Worker Charmin,” because she gives everyone the shits. I would love to expose her for the demon she is. She was doing count and saw food in the “religious” container and started making a deal out of it. SP took ownership of the container, but this is ridiculous. Why is Nebraska endorsing religious objects and then deciding how those religious objects are used? Either the plastic tote is a fucking safety, sanitation, or security issue or it is not.

Watching new show “The Sinner” on USA (ch 27). Looking good so far. Talked to mom and dad earlier: things are moving along with the project. They are moving into the KC’s cabin until they can move in. Submitted phone update earlier today to add TH. Finished Chapter 2 of Theory of Justice.

Talked to UBM Carroll today about graduating SAU. She said she would be having everyone into her office next week to plan out those moves. She also didn’t have the specific list of parole meetings yet. She said those would be out only a week or two before the meeting, so too early on those. Seems like they’re pushing people out pretty fast, so that’s good.

At least some good news about Trump dumpster fire. Paulie Numnutts is going through trial #1 and Trump’s behavior is increasingly erratic.

Thu, 2 Aug 2018 [308 + 422]

Large Group was kind of interesting. We started to talk about honesty and whether it was really always the best policy or always owed. I said that it was not owed to everyone. Apparently the state agrees with me: they’re not honest about their racist policies; they’re not honest in the dispensing of what they call “justice”; they’re not honest in the purposes of unreasonable searches and seizures; they’re not honest in their dealing with suppliers of drugs used to murder people; and I could go one.

Relapse II was also kind of interesting. We talked about transportation, resumes, and interviewing skills.

Nasty skank and mentally ill case worker Charrlin is here again tonight. She is probably the most unrepentantly sadistic guard at the facility. Dermody might be a bigger rapist, but you can tell he knows enough to be ashamed of it and he tries to hide it. Charrlin is like a wild animal – no remorse or even an awareness of what kind of trash she is.

Tried calling TH and it turns out the degenerate Nebraskans did get him added today. Talked to him for about 15 minutes. He said he never received the visitor setup form, so I got a second latter with the form ready to mail tomorrow.

Can’t remember if I wrote here that I put in a request for a dental appointment for October 4th. I head that active dental appointments are a block for going to WEC since there is no dental services out there. Plus I was denied earlier request for a teeth cleaning because I must have been here for a year before I can see a dentist. I was also denied seeing a dental services at DEC because they ran out of time at my original trip to the dental services office and they refused to reschedule it. It was like two days ago that I sent it, but no response so far. Also, no response on why the promised regular doctor visit did not occur in July.

Watching “Men in Black II” on AMC. Oh, at lunch today, my roommate JD was making an elaborate rice dish at the shared microwave. While he was stirring the rice, I asked if I could put my cup of salmon flakes in for 30 seconds (he was blocking the microwave, but his dish was out of it while he was tending to it). He said “nah, once you start rice, you can’t stop”. This is the guy I was nice enough to buy taffy-making ingredients for each week. No worries: persona non grata.

PF, AJ, and C called me over to their table in the dayroom to help them with their job and interview questions for tomorrow. So I have them my advice and suggestions for how to prepare for the real world scenarios, not necessarily for the stupidity of this class.

Fri, 3 Aug 2018 [309 + 421]

Been pissy all day. I loaned CT my hair trimmers and he let other people use it. Gross. One of them i someone I can’t stand (JF). Oh well, need to let it go – kind of childish.

New guard on the unit this afternoon. No mail again -wtf is going on with my 401k check?!? Nothing from the IRS or FedLoan yet (no rush there). Nothing from HR. Too soon to have a reply from Jeremy or the Innocence Project. God damn it. Nothing from UNO either. Nothing from the dentist either.

Sat, 4 Aug 2018 [310 + 420]

31 scaramuccis down, 42 to go.

Last night had a room search. The little prick who did it just threw our stuff around like garbage. He ruined papers and magazines and bent books. Bunch of degenerate Nebraskans. I complained and asked for a staff damage report. GT got written up for having the butter from the kitchen in his locker.

Got replies from Medical this morning. They will investigate the mix-up with the doctor – no answer so far. LOL, they won’t shift their fat asses away from the Netflix display. On the dental appointment, they said to resend the request in October. Scumbags.

Earlier I was thinking of writing about the concept of language-stretching. People, systems, model developers stretch language to keep their models simpler than they should be so they can fit it on posters, Facebook memes, or cracker-jack/fortune cookies. Here is an example I just saw on NET: “Prison is involuntary, unless it’s for failure to pay child support and then it’s voluntary. That defies the real meaning of those words in order to avoid correcting whatever consequence was to be conditioned on the voluntary/involuntary question. It’s a convenient trick of words and models, but the stretching of language allows someone else to further stretch to meet their own short-term goals while fairness, accuracy, and legislative authority are lost to authoritarianism.

BP smells like shit – rotten eggs and shit today. He even gagged the guard Abbott. God damn you, Susan Strong. Burn in Hell.

Firing Line has Jordan Peterson on – anti-identity politics. He says we don’t find deep meaning in impulsive pleasures or ????, but in responsibilities. Some kind of crisis in men regarding their place in society. Hmmm.. Seems like kind of a douchebag, but still some interesting discussion topics. He’s Canadian – strange to hear of a right-wing Canadian. Compelled speech illegal for government to impose on individuals, though is OK in some cases to impose on corporations. Words are a shared, community-negotiated mode of communications. It can’t be dictated to others by individual fiat

Sun, 5 Aug 2018 [311 + 419]

Burn in Hell, Susan Strong.

Lazy day. Slept until 12:30-ish and then been watching PBS: “The Last Dukes” and now the series “History’s Detectives”. I think the latter is a regular Sunday show; I’m going to try and catch it in the future. There was stuff on the suffragette movement and my relative Elizabeth Cady Stanton.

Found out from PG that the names of the places that donate moldy and rotten food to the prison are: Panera, Sierra Francis, Outdoor Mission, and Hyvee. I hope to name and shame them for their inhumanity.

Wrote the Step-2 Grievance and put under Liar Ellinger’s door after dinner count release.

Sent an IIR to Educate asking about attending school on work release.

Mon, 6 Aug 2018 [312 + 418]

Cute (but stupid) kid from Room 5 is KC and he’s now in the 7am large group. He’s so adorable, but something really wrong with his judgment skills. Also made it known that they should start finding a new Resident’s Council representative.

Relapse class slightly less stupid than usual since the visiting supervisor was there instead of Ms. Bless.

Got the address for the Lancaster Co Clerk and wrote him a letter to try and get a current receipt showing that I have no outstanding balance. Wrote mom an email asking her to setup an email account for [project] as JG will need that to setup a Google Voice account.

UCM Carroll had our class’s day of disclosing our goals for after SAU. I said I wanted to be put into queue for community custody ASAP. Risky choice since that might mean being sent to WEC since I would have > 1 year as opposed to waiting for reclassify until October when I have less than one year and would most likely go direct to CCCO. Although PF seems to still think we could get sent there. Hoping the dental appointment or the UNO class keeps me in Omaha. I think I’m going to roll the dice. I can’t take this place much longer.

Changed my mind. I went and told her to wait on putting me in for work release until October. That way, I’ll have less than a year and less likely to go to WEC. Plus I’ll be closer to being locked into a fall MCC class. And I’ll definitely be here for mom’s visit. Hopefully that is a less risky choice.

The usual room conversations: drug selling, gang-banging, and pussy. Today, AT, and S mixed it up with some ‘chimo’ talk. AT admitted to multiple brushes with pedophilia (once on Facebook and once with the daughter of a “home girl”) while S wanted to force a chimo to self-castrate at gunpoint and several other sadistic fantasies just as deviant as the “chimo’s” own deviance and probably a protest-too-much cover for his own actual motives. Then, with no irony or self-awareness, they switch to talking about being Christians. I guess if they meant Nebraskan “Christians”, they’re right on the money.

Tue, 7 Aug 2018 [313 + 417]

I hope Paul Manafort goes to prison for 307 years. Douchebag who brought Trump to the presidency.

Class was cancelled AGAIN today. Thank God for that. No daily Stupid today. Asked UCM Carroll if it would be possible to make an aided phone call to [employer] to get my 401k money withdrawn. She said she would ask Ellinger tomorrow.

S was talking about cheating on his wife and AT joined in to say the same thing. These are two people who were calling themselves Christians yesterday. Damn, I’m so ready to get out of this place. I have to keep my mouth shut or I’m going to get killed.

Watching “Animal Kingdom” and a new series on TBS called “Wrecked”. So far not impressed, but I might make myself watch it so I have something to do at the 9pm/Tue timeslot. Funny that I spent most of my post-high school adult life trying to limit the number of serial shows I watched at any given time. Now I’m desperately trying to have something to look forward to on TV at every hour of the day to give myself something to plan for and look forward to. Perhaps I’m craving regularity or purpose or maybe it’s a way of “speeding up” the passage of time by distraction. Now I need to keep occupied for all of September in that way as I won’t have the two hours of SAU treatment work a week to occupy my time.

Wed, 8 Aug 2018 [314 + 416]

“T” is KC. He said in Large Group that his drug of choice was “LSD and MDMA”. He is not smart – that’s OK.

UCM Carroll handed me back my Step-2 Grievance and said I had to mail it into the main office. Got an envelope and will put it in office mail after 11am count. She didn’t say anything about the request to use the outside telephone line to call [employer].

Canteen was out of RTE meals for purchase. Fucking stupid Nebraskans – how can you screw up the task of Ordering so bad. You have to be pretty fucking dumb to mess up something so trivial or extremely hateful, if it was purposeful. It’s very likely a combination.

Had a good chat with dad. Asked him if he saw that “his buddy” was arrested in NY for insider trading (he can’t stand the guy). He said he was taking a quick lunch then back to work on the project. The HVAC guy was coming today.

Submitted two library requests: (1) book on Kant’s political/moral systems, and (2) book on punishment and responsibility (philosophy of).

UCM Carroll said she would help me call [employer] tomorrow morning about my 401k retrieval. Yay! She’s a real human being. I supposed the prison goes along with it because they see the income potential in it.

Thu, 9 Aug 2018 [315 + 415]

Large Group over – only three left. They still haven’t picked a replacement for Resident’s Council. Hopefully on Monday they’ll take the folder and have someone else attend next week’s council.

UCM Carroll helped me call [employer] but they couldn’t help me because I couldn’t remember my HR PIN number and the only way to reset the PIN required a mobile phone to text it to. HAHAHA. As I left I had the idea of trying another time to submit a POA – this time use one with the help of Legal Aid here. Indeed they did have a much simpler one (less dates embedded in the document). So I filled that out today and put myself on the list for a notary.

CT noted that the asshole guard working tonight looks like Alfred E. Neuman from Mad magazine. Haha, it’s true!!

Talked to mom. Exciting progress on the project. She and B will be coming to visit in three short weeks!

Fri, 10 Aug 2018 [316 + 414]

Graham took over the Special Issues class. He basically confirmed that we were royally ripped off (ha); Ms. Bless didn’t do half of the learning objectives for this class. There will be no visit from the Parole Dept, no visit from the work release team, and no visit from the Health Dept. We filled out a goal worksheet and a resume with an explanation letter, but there was no discussion about it and they never even looked at it. That plus about 12 – 15 pages of various papers that that were assigned, completed, and collected, but no review or feedback was given on them, Complete waste of time. Rumor has it that Ms. Bless has been in court, possibly regarding KM’s case/circumstances.

Ate at the kitchen for lunch. Mac ‘n Cheese was passable as food. The cucumbers were fresh and actually good. Surprise! The fish, though, was over-the-top grease sponge. Once I scraped off all the oil, fat, and grease of the coating, there was probably less than a teaspoon of actual fish (or whatever alleged animal yielded that meat). Have diarrhea, but in fairness to this particular meal, it’s been a run-on for several days now. Remember to order more Pepto.

Watched “The Pink Panther” (1964) on This!Omaha. I missed #2 (Trail of the Pink Panther). Watching #3 (Return of…) now. “Curse of…” and “Son of…” are also on tonight, but they run until like 3:30 in the morning and not sure if I can stay up that late. I have so much to do tomorrow – LLOLOLOLOLOL.

Sat, 11 Aug 2018 [317 + 413]

Slept in until 8:40. I couldn’t sleep anymore, unfortunately. It was so cold and I had to pee badly. There is apparently a limit to much much I can sleep. Got a bit list of tasks for today so need to get started anyway. Only 11 days left of SAU and getting very close to the 400 days left mark in captivity. If the end is real…

According to PF these are the places that are sending their rotten and moldy food to Nebraska prisons: Panera, Sierra Francis, Outdoor Mission. I know Hyvee does as well.

Sent some emails to mom about book requests, some equipment that we’ll need for [project], and some of my ideas for it too.

Sun, 12 Aug 2018 [318 + 412]

Not much happened today. Watched Downton Abbey again. Got a reply from TH about that breakfast place in Cincinnati. It was called Grand Finale. Replied to TF’s email asking about travel info to West Coast – good places to visit and such.

Got a really good quote for my book on the topic of false claims of justice by Susan, the Unjust Whore. It’s on page 386 of Theory of Justice. I copied it into my notes for the book. Burn in Hell, Susan Strong. Title ideas: Susan the Unjust, Susan the Cruel, or just Unjust Nebraska.

Include a section about particular cruelties, like keeping seriously decrepit persons in prison for minor crimes. For example: the guy so old and infirmed that he had a scooter to lean on as he pushed it around and could sit on it when he gets tired. The same guy was unable to control his bowels. He is often found in the bathroom cleaning himself by slinging his waste into a trash can as he showers.

Mon, 13 Aug 2018 [319 + 411]

Large Group: RL read a long, prosaic life that was short on actual life. The Relapse class was ridiculous as usual. Melgoza was there and he chats with the class for 5 minutes and then says work on the exercise that was already assigned for being due today. Then after we sat and stared (those of us who already did it), he assigns the rest of the exercises in the book.

Had rice and tuna from my locker again for lunch. Had SP make us burritos for dinner. Another day of no kitchen food is a good day.

Got a letter from MCC; they have some computer science classes that I would be interested in taking (C++ Programming I and II; Intel Assembly I and II). Hopefully it will work out that I can take them. [Editor’s Note: They had sent their listing for once you’re out of prison. There was nothing offered at any time that was anywhere near that useful.]

Got a reply from Troy Hawk, Lancaster County, about my request for a statement of zero balance. Surprise! They suddenly had charges of $143.52 on my balance (no invoice or prior notice of any services rendered). I replied and included an inmate check for the full amount. There was no reaction to my sarcasm in the request where I listed Susan Strong as the judge and the county attorney. Burn in Hell, Susan Strong.

Tue, 14 Aug 2018 [320 + 410]

32 scaramuccis down, 41 to go!

At 10am Nebraska murdered someone – a degenerate, to be sure, but there are no asterisks to the commandment “thou shall not kill”. It matters not in Hell, where the Law of Judaism or Christianity have no force. Even from a secular viewpoint, where does the state derive authority to murder as a punishment for murder. It’s just simply superior violence. The most a society could do rightly, is to expel someone from its midst for serious refusal to comply with the rules of society. But we might as well not theorize – it’s clearly only the right of violence by someone with a superior capability of violence that grants them the right to commit a murder to punish someone else for committing a murder.

Stupid bitch Bless was back in class today. That woman is so dumb. I mean abysmally stupid.

Watching the press conference after the state’s murder. There is a lot of talk about people’s “roles”. I supposed that is a convenient psychological exercise to convince yourself you’re not part of the murder, but just a simple process. Isn’t that how Nazis justified their participation – by convincing themselves they were just doing their small part. The banality of evil.

Wed, 15 Aug 2018 [321 + 409]

Usual stupidity from Ms. Bless at the community meeting. Someone said “I’m afraid to even be in this program”. That was kind of funny.

Started reading The Scarlett Letter again last night. I love Hawthorne’s writing style – he’s subtlety sarcastic and so much meaning packed into a few innocent-looking words.

Had my final individual treatment session today. Finally a small milestone completed. Less than seven days to complete SAU altogether.

I’m so goddamn tired of this place already. I would truly shoot myself in the head right now if had a gun. Since exile is not possible in the modern world as the proper punishment for failing to meet society’s rules (however egregiously unjust those rules are), a just society would offer a choice of death anytime a prison sentence was on the table. “Living” like this is far worse than death. The lack of that choice is additional proof that a society is not seeking justice or retribution for evil-done, but in fact, indulging their need to see and do violence, like a sociopath.

Thu, 16 Aug 2018 [322 + 408]

Aretha Franklin died at the age of 76.

Lawsuits against Monsanto OK’d by federal judge to move forward over Round-Up and glyphosate causing non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Waste of time.. Monsanto has some SC justices on retainer.

Got the Nebraska POA notarized and mailed to mom. Hopefully this one will work.

70-some people had episodes on K2 in New Haven, CT. Possibly laced with fentanyl. It was the same people multiple times though.

Doctor showed up today. Got an appointment pass for 830am. Not much happened – he just read the same results he sent in the letter in US Mail.

I had some good ideas about my book a bit earlier today, but I can’t remember what it was now that I came to write it down. DAMN IT! It was something about comparing sales of drugs to sales of guns/automatic weapons to selling cigarettes, Round-Up, alcohol, high fructose corn syrup, etc.. Ok, turns out I did remember. Good. In those other items we blame the consumer for choosing their own course – for good or ill – even when the true nature of product is obfuscated or outright lied about by the seller. But for drugs, even when the product is full known to the buyer, we say the buyer was not responsible for making his/her own choices and instead punish the seller worse than if they were a murderer or a child-molester. A women in Omaha was recently given probation for killing several people with her car, while people get 5+ years here for providing a service that many of us appreciate. Problems with argument? Probably some drug sellers do deliberately deceive or try to manipulate people into becoming addicted. When that happens, punish them for that. It’s fucking ridiculous that every conversation about drugs ends up with the defender of mass incarceration have to resort to other crimes in order to justify criminalization of drug use. “Why can’t an adult chose drugs for themselves?” Mass-incarceration defenders: “Well then they might steal”.

Fri, 17 Aug 2018 [323 + 407]

Got the book Punishment and Responsibility by H.L.A. Hart from the library loan program. Some kind of emergency this morning they were looking for a wheelchair, but eventually took him out on a stretcher.

AT didn’t get a canteen order. The RR box was broken, so they rejected his room restriction order. Petty Nebraskans.

Ms. Bless was off the rails with stupid today. She went on and on and on and on and on about absolutely nothing. She promised to stop several times, but ended up still talking about absolutely fucking nothing! Burn in Hell, Susan Strong.

Wrote an IIR to Medical saying every time I eat in the kitchen I get diarrhea for 1-2 days: “Is there any medication to inoculate against the foodborne pathogens that have colonized the kitchen?”

Sat, 18 Aug 2018 [324 + 406]

Been reading a lot of Scarlett Letter today. Also got a letter from the prison saying that I’d been accepted into the UNO Composition class that starts on Monday.

Trump administration arrests man while he drives his pregnant wife to the hospital for an emergency C-section. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but lose his soul?

The honey buns and bear claws from the Canteen are all moldy. That isn’t the end of Nebraska’s biological attacks: they’ve brought MRSA into the unit to kill us too. T in Room 1 has MRSA. The unit workers have to idea how to do infection control.

SP just gave the other criminals in the room a training course on popping lockers open without a key or combination. I feel sick that I liked some of these people. Only BP, S, and I didn’t join the training (S – because he probably is already a pro). They are now practicing on their own lockers over and over.

Sun, 19 Aug 2018 [325 + 405]

Woke up to the last drug test, hopefully. Dumb ass Nebraskans. All Nebraskans can burn in Hell, but especially the Whore of Lincoln.

The citizens of Nebraska enthusiastically imprison their fellow citizens who don’t look just like them and who practice different religions or have different political ideologies than themselves. However, they quickly lose enthusiasm when it’s necessary to open their checkbooks to properly fund that system of imprisonment in a humane or constitutional manner: healthy food, bleach and other infection-control related goods, and staff training.

Submitted a grievance regarding the lack of bleach on the unit for the second time in 30 days (also July 30th) and now in the midst of a MRSA outbreak.

Mon, 20 Aug 2018 [326 + 404]

Major rainstorm today. Hope the whole dam state floods. Feeling particularly ornery today. Had a double-pimple at the side of my nose that I popped last night. It was the super-nasty, endlessly oozing kind that bled for hours after and was even still oozing pus this morning. I hope it’s not MRSA.

PF wanted to write a grievance about the MRSA issue as well. I wrote a sample to try and help him express his thoughts on the matter.

Got an SAU coin in large group today. PF said some nice things. Graham and Fallin said a few relevant things and a suggestion to root for Wildcats and not the Cardinals. Glad that’s over forever.

Starting the UNO English Composition class tonight. It was supposed to be in the multi-purpose room, but instead I found them in the Education department. I think I’m going to like the class though. Seems like there will be some fun topics to write on in the class, including one on the American Dream/Nightmare. That will be my chance to write insulting things about DJT and Nebraska. Another paper is on gender – that will be fun also.

Tue, 21 Aug 2018 [327 + 403]

Talked to Dad and the electrician. He tried to not run the data (Cat 6) cabling, but we came to an agreement that he would use the coax for the TV outlets and the Cat 6 for the data outlets.

Had the last Special Issues class. We watched a duplicate of “Road to Recovery” (Delbert Boone) video and then to add insult to injury, they just shut the video off abruptly at 33 minutes into it (OK, we were all fine with quitting it early).

Michael Cohen surrenders to FBI and expected to plead guilty to campaign finance fraud and tax/bank fraud. Yahoo! Paul Manafort jury can only agree on 17/18 counts. Ha! Today is the beginning of the end of the Trump Dumpster Fire. Cohen pleads guilt and names DJT as an accomplice (“coordinated and directed by….”).

>> Justice rides a slow horse, but she will eventually get there. << [Editor’s Note: that’s not true]

Wed, 22 Aug 2018 [328 + 402]

Dropped off some books, magazines, photos and old letters to Open Property for mom to pickup on August 31.

Corn dogs for breakfast. I was appalled at first, but it tasted kind of like a McGriddle.

Thu, 23 Aug 2018 [329 + 401]

Moved back to B-wing right after SAU graduation yesterday: Room 4, DL. JH is my bunkie again. This room all goes to bed early and they’re quiet – hallelujah!

This room has the weirdest cleaning arrangement yet. It’s a different cleaning day each week. Next week I have Monday and the week after that I have Tuesday. It might be the fairest, but least likely to be remembered.

MCC class signup this morning was dismal. None of the classes they sent me in the m ail are actually offered. No C++ and no Intel Assembly class. They only had an “Intro to Computers” and two other classes even more useless classes: Dealing with Anxiety and can’t remember the other. Three offerings and all of them things people should have mastered by the 5th grade.

This unit unhygienic. There is effectively no hot water in the hand-washing sinks. The trickle is so low and slow you can’t get any hot water onto your hands. The fact that you need one hand on the faucet knob to keep water flowing doesn’t help either. The second soap dispenser doesn’t dispense any soap.

Fri, 24 Aug 2018 [330 + 400]

33 scaramuccis down, 40 to go. 400 days to go. Almost to the half-way point – maybe. Can’t wait for mom and B’s visit next week.

This room is going to be interesting. They’ve been telling me this morning about the differences between federal prison and NE prison. Then when I told them about my book, they shared some stories about Nebraska’s crimes against humanity.

They told how federal prison bends a lot more easily than Nebraska. If they had “sit-ins” they could get them to make some policy changes. They also said they would regularly slap around the COs in federal prison and there were no consequences (CN and Cirrhosis Guy).

They also told me about a lot of Nebraska’s cruel and unusual punishment. Nebraska has a torture chamber called “The Dungeon” at LCC and “South 40 Hole” at NSP where people were forced to eat bugs and where several people went insane from the depravity inflicted on them. Lookup stories about Niko Jenkins and the Louden (sp?) guy from “Boys Don’t Cry” story).

They both also said they had tried to organize (?) or at least they were disappointed that there was not sit-in for the Nebraska state-murder this month. They were disappointed that people didn’t protest the various obnoxious practices like the removal of porn or the rotten food served here or the lack of the same features that other NE prisons have (like daily movies and gaming consoles). Lot of interesting stories here about how depraved Nebraskans are.

Laundry officer Nelson is a singularly unpleasant and depressed/depressing Nebraskan. Probably unhappy with his life because of his morbid obesity. Everything that comes out of his fat face is depressing and hateful.

Wrote an IIR to verify that the UNO class will not block me from work release.

Sat, 25 Aug 2018 [331 + 339]

Burn in Hell, Susan Strong.

Watching “Homemade” on A&E (9am). I kind of like this show.

Just heard the room talking about a strange situation about “life” in prison. They said if you have 100 years, but die after 20, they will bury your body and refuse to give it back to the family until the 80-year remainder has passes. I’m having trouble believing that. What could the Nebraskan’s interest in confining a corpse be?

Wonder if I could learn to paint or do pottery? Probably not given my lack of patience for learning anything artistic or musical. I do think the gardening could work out. It would be good to have pottery to complement it.

The roommate across from me, an older Hispanic guy, seems to be on his last leg. He told me the first day in the room that he had Hep C and advanced Cirrhosis and something is wrong with his breathing. Sounds like has emphysema or a punctured lung or something like that.

Last night I woke up because he was arguing or more like pleading with the night CO to not give him an MR because he hobbled to the bathroom to throw up or something other eruptive event, which apparently included blood. I am afraid it’s not out of the realm of possibility that this guy doesn’t make it another month. Eh, could be an exaggeration, but Benjamin just came in and told us to keep an eye out for him, so he must have some doubts too.

The bathrooms on this wing are filthy and unhygienic. There is no water pressure to speak of out of the hot water side of the sinks. The back shower does not drain properly – the front half of his has standing water. I know Nebraskans are not smart, but wouldn’t even they have learned that the drain has to be the lowest point in the drainage area? Couple that with the lack of sufficient cleaning products available for us make this a veritable Funhouse of Infection.

Sun, 26 Aug 2018 [332 + 398]

Woke up full of piss and vinegar. Good to do some writing.

John McCain died yesterday. RIP. Hopefully some honorable-ish statesman picks up the mantle and puts the needs of the country before their own political and financial needs.

Tropical Storm Lane downgraded from hurricane to Cat 4 to Cat 2 to tropical storm before it made landfall in Hawai’i. First time I ever heard of a hurricane in that part of the world.

I’m starting to like the “This!Omaha” channel. I watched “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” on Friday night. Today I found this one movie that I’d seen a long, long time ago that started with a hauntingly beautiful song “Shadows of Paris” – it’s “A Shot in the Dark” from the Pink Panther series. OK, after listened to it all the way through, maybe I exaggerated in my memory how great the song was, now that I heard it three decades later.

Delaying writing this 3-page paper for Comp class – procrastinating, more like. Some things never change, no matter how boring things are. “I believe everything; I believe nothing. I suspect everyone; I suspect no one.” (Clousseau)

Mon, 27 Aug 2018 [333 + 397]

Burn in Hell, Susan Strong.

More TV about John McCain. Dumpster Fire couldn’t even let the WH press corps release a statement commending his service to the nation. He’s as a petty and despicable as a Nebraskan.

Need to get my ass in gear on writing assignment for the UNO class.

Fat baby Trump pouted up his bloated face and wouldn’t say anything about John McCain at all. He had flags at the WH back at full-staff while Congress called for half-staff.

Finished 3-page paper on hidden intellectualism/brilliance. I think I did OK on it, but I guess I will see shortly. I have to turn in it in a few minutes! lol

Asked both Kneifel and Abbott about a unit job assignment and both demurred to McCluskey, the asshole. I tried.

Roommate RP (The guy with Hep C and live cirrhosis) was assaulted by Nebraska earlier. They found out that his “grill” (dental partial) had a diamond in it. So they him to Medical under false pretenses where a PA asked him for it and sent two other people (Kneifel and UCM Carroll) to kick us out of the room while they went through his bunk and locker, where they did not find it. Then he came back from the medical pod to a security guard waiting for him to take him to be strip-searched (presumably still looking for it.) He came back to the room and said he told them he’d give it up if they promised no write-up for it, which apparently they agreed to. RP said the dentist at DEC apparently purposefully broke it out of his mouth in the first place because they wanted him to send it out of the facility. It wasn’t clear from his story how he held onto it at that point. I didn’t want to ask any more questions than I already had.

Nebraskans really don’t want that guy to eat or live apparently. They denied him any treatment on his Hep C until he is here for at least a year. I think they’re hoping he’s dead before they have to treat him. I offered to help him write a grievance if he wanted.

Find episode of Frasier where Frasier and Niles are caught in a parking garage and Frasier won’t pave the $2 because he left immediately (didn’t actually park). Niles tells him “you’ve been given several opportunities to leave without paying. You just want everyone to agree with you or suffer for not agreeing with you.” HAHA. Omg… that’s me to a tee. Very similar scenario when I was in Columbus with Brandon. (Later series episode … Niles and Daphne already married and Kenny is the station manager.)

Tue, 28 Aug 2018 [334 + 396]

Blah. Had the idea of writing my book with a similar plot device as Inferno, with Susan Strong as an evil version of Virgil, harassing the protagonist as he navigates the Nebraskan Inferno. I’m kind of of grooving on the idea right now. Need to come up with a unique story to wrap that into.

Asshole State Employee McCluskey here his morning. He’s such a douchebag. I was going to try and ask him about a job assignment, but I didn’t want to deal with his ass-clownery or his breath. Abbott was here in the afternoon; he’s adorable. He gave me the receipt from mom sending me $200.

Talked to mom and dad. The electrician and HVAC guys are done until the drywall work is done – they’re waiting on the plumbers.

God damn, Susan Strong. May Satan fuck her skull for all eternity once the world is freed of her rotten soul.

It’s hot in here – the A/C is “broken”. Broken also are the hot water faucets in the bathroom (yes, all of them), the toilets (when flushed the water rises past your balls) and the showers (the water doesn’t drain from all parts of the shower, so you’re standing in pools of bacteria and feces and whatever else rises up out of those drains that smells like shit and the decay of humanity). Oh, and the soap dispensers don’t work.

Wed, 29 Aug 2018 [335 + 395]

Story JH told me about CF and asshole McCluskey. CF, in this story, said he asked McCluskey why he was picking on him all the time. CF ask him if he was a racist. McCluskey replied “Yes, I am a racist”. CF filed a grievance and McCluskey was suspected for two weeks. Wonder if that was a true story. I totally believe McCluskey was comfortable enough admitting he was a racist – I just don’t believe he told the truth about it during a grievance reading or that Nebraska would have done anything to him if he had.

Got assigned the job of wiping down the phones with bleach every day at 8am. That is hilarious.

Had a long conversation with CN(D) about drug-politician conspiracies. He’s an interesting character.

Mentioned to RP that I might sell my TV before going to work release.

Thu, 30 Aug 2018 [336 + 394]

Got a new coax cable and angle adaptor at canteen – my TV works perfectly now.

Fri, 31 Aug 2018 [337 + 393]

Had to give another cheese block and sausage to the group meal. Then I donated my three hot pockets to the guys in the room since I was going to be eating with mom and B.

11th month done! Only 13 months to go. Four more weeks to work release.

Had a great visit with mom and B. I am eager to see them again today. The half-way decent vending machine food was good too.

It was D (CN)’s birthday on Friday so we made hot pockets.