Prison Journal: April 2018

[Editor’s Note: The image selected for this article is inspired by the theme “The Warden’s Breakfast”. The Warden’s name is Barb Lewien. She is rarely seen on the compound and any correspondence from her office rarely has her signature, but I’m sure she’s worth every penny she sucks from the Nebraskans zombies (taxpayers).]

Sun, 1 Apr 2018 [185 + 545]

Starting the 2nd six month chunk now. 18 months to go. Someone was saying a Chinese satellite might hit Nebraska in the next few days. I would like to recommend to the universe that Susan’s Strong’s head is a good place to land it. May she burn in Hell.

It seems that classes are on hold while they make some staff changes. No class on Monday or Tuesday. Rumor is that they’re having two staff members in every class for their safety. << OMG, Bunkie just stripped to his shorts in front of me. >>

JDLC may get kicked out of SAU. He is on or just recently got off probation and this morning he and BRD got a write-up for profane language to the staff earlier in the week. He will find out this week for sure.

Oh forgot to mention a weird thing from this past week. A black guy in the hallway introduced himself to me (“JRock”) and said if I needed any help, let him know. And to let him know if anyone was bothering me. I think it was either Tue or Wed. Then on Friday someone says “phone call”, which in prison means “someone wants you in the hallway”. I went out there and it was JRock again, being weird and asking if I could loan him 10 tokens. I said no, that I was out of them. He said “ok, maybe after next canteen”. I saw we could see. I guess this is the start of some kind of shakedown. But I’m definitely not giving him anything ever. Might end up dead for it, but that’s just wishful thinking.

Almost lost my beard trimmer – had left it in the bathroom. Fortunately, R said he saw someone try to pocket it after I left and he got it back for me.

Mon, 2 Apr 2018 [186 + 544]

Had a doctor’s appointment with Ogden. Told her about algae in the water – she didn’t care. Told her I was feeling down and she said write an IIR to mental health. My vitals all looked good except weight is high and HDL was low at 37 (should be > 39). She said to get more exercise. Yeah, I would like that too. When I got back, my tablet was ready to be picked up. Unfortunately both of the kiosks are broken so I can’t do anything with it.

High drama in SAU. They cancelled classes Monday and Tuesday and scheduled a meeting for Tuesday at 9am. The director of the prison-wide SAU program is here in full rudeness. The ease and which they cancel classes really shows how much they themselves know about the worthlessness of them.

Wrote a two-page summary of issues with the email/music kiosks and offered it to UCW Shademan. He said to send it to “Mr” Fabian, so I did.

Talked to UCM Carroll about how to avoid WEC. Apparently there is no volunteer work or extra duty or anything. I could murder someone – that is disqualifying for WEC. There was another impractical crime I could commit to get out of it, but I don’t remember what it was as I write this entry. Having a chronic illness that required a periodic visit to a specialist would not disqualify one for WEC. Someone in small group said signing up for an MCC class would work, so I will explore that. Apparently WEC is every more mind-numbingly evil. There is even less to do than in this concentration plus you can’t have your TV and there is no library. You’re in a big dorm with lights on all the time and noise 24×7. You are basically left there at the bottom of the the list for getting to work release. It’s out in the middle of the corn fields. Supposedly it was original meant as a place to learn how to work, but they don’t have any real work programs anymore.

Sinclair Broadcasting exposed by Dead Spin website. Check on that organization.

Tue, 3 Apr 2018 [187 + 543]

Stupid-ass community meeting early this morning. Two days off and big dramatic meeting to say that class times were changing a bit and being temporarily consolidated until more employees are hired.

Second day of no clean dishes in the kitchen. Wonder what could be so wrong they wouldn’t fake it. Styrofoam cups and plates and dirty trays. The smell of filth and sewer permeates the whole lunchroom.

Nothing else of interest today.

Wed, 4 Apr 2018 [188 + 542]

Canteen day – they were out of a lot of stuff. SP apparently got ripped off by his special friend A. The room is criticizing him for this being the umpteenth time for trusting that deviant.

15 people on the unit have graduated were transferred to other units. They are supposed to get moved to community custody situations after successful completion of this program, but keeping your word is not a priority for Nebraskans.

Third day with no dish-washing machinery in the kitchen. Weird stomach growling for the second day in a row. I hope saurian Susan Strong gets food poisoning today so there is some justice.

RT is my hot Bunkie’s name. Today he had a conversation with a friend of his on the mobile phone tablets that made me thing he escorts. Will have to try and probe some to figure that out. If so I want to join his customer list. ha. He also mentioned that he had been in jail recently in Nevada and was due for parole soon. I asked if he knew BK and he said no. Long shot.

Finally got my media tablet working – it needed a couple firmware updates. I bought a couple of Portishead CDs, a couple Linkin Park CDs and a Pink song. Gonna buy a couple more tomorrow and some stamps for email.

Still nothing from the bankruptcy lawyer. Going to ask mom tomorrow or this weekend to call him and see what’s up. Also no word from the prison about adding him to my phone list. Sent IIRs to Captain Strode about getting it added and also an IIR to Education to get on MCC’s list for next term (to find out what they offer at least). Need to send another one to Recreation for a haircut also. Stopped at the gym today to sign up, but she said “send a kite”. I said I did two weeks ago and got no reply. She didn’t care. I will send another, I guess.

Thu, 5 Apr 2018 [189 + 541]

No breakfast again today. Went to try and get some toast and juice at least, but had to leave in the middle of the second bite in order to get to that Small Group mess. Small Group was all about why staff should read out the MRs for the whole group to discuss.

Got all my music downloaded finally. The guy in charge of (the tablet rollout program) came in while we were beating the hell out of the stupid ass mouse-ball (that’s what it takes to get it to move – at all). Glad he got to see how the ridiculous it is. He wasn’t interested.

Day 4 of no clean dishes in the kitchen. More Styrofoam and filthy-ass trays.

Wrote emails to mom and KP to see if they got them and want to use the email system. Need to get email addresses from a few people (DP, HR, JH, JH, etc).

Fri, 6 Apr 2018 [190 + 540]

19 scaramuccis down, 54 to go. God damn, I’m so tired of this place. Slop with rotten break for lunch and cardboard patty melt for dinner. Tried to call DP, but no answer. At least only two weeks left of this phase. Got the treatment plan from Omdinger. It looks obnoxious. The CAT I class was also obnoxious. They keep showing these 1980s movies about addiction that are designed for murders and rapists and thieves. It’s so insulting that I can’t even listen to it fully. If there was any good lesson for a drug user in them, it is completely lost because of the inflammatory delivery. I’m sure they have to go back to the 80s to find movies that support their drug use/crime conflation that was popularized during that time because the rest of the world moved on and learned how untrue it was. The prison state is invested in keeping to the 80s dogma because it’s what fuels their profits. I was pretty sarcastic about it in the post-movie “notes” assignment.

The room is getting annoying. JDLC, instead of getting kicked out for being disruptive and swearing at the staff, got 10 days of room restriction. That means his obnoxious ass is in the room all the time now.

Called B and talked for a bit – nothing too substantial. Got hers and AH’s email addresses.

Sat, 7 Apr 2018 [191 + 539]

Slept in until 10am. Made myself oatmeal with peanut butter for breakfast; I don’t care that much for oatmeal, but it’s a good delivery mechanism for peanut butter. Need work on my treatment plan today and try to finish the Anti-Intellectualism book as well. Called DP and JH to get email addresses from them both.

Tried to call DP twice, but no answer. Hope all is OK there. Read two chapters in the book – should finish tomorrow. Ate dinner with RS in the kitchen. Watched a show on NET about Frank Abignale, by himself. It was an interesting story until it started getting religious. He started talking about being born-again…

Sun, 8 Apr 2018 [192 + 538]

Love me some Jake Tapper’s “State of the Union”. Larry Kudlow has completed the sale of his soul – Sad! He basically supported Trump’s direct assault on Amazon. Susan Collins might be the only good Republican She is saying that he is both a terrible person on policy grounds and a terrible person on ethics grounds. She’s still a little crazy on tax policy (ok with tax reduction without any reduction in spending), but then that’s a defect of 100% of senators. She also wants fixes to Affordable Care Act, which is good.

Reading that Anti-Intellectualism book, it was funny to observe that Hofstadter was very academic and dispassionate in his analysis up until near is own time period and then he goes off the rails of bit. No doubt he’s still correct, but he starts getting sarcastic when talking “life-adjusters”, a group of anti-intellectual education reformers that eschewed college preparation and vocational training for high school/secondary education. They wanted education watered-down to be appealing to the least-educable kids. I think this would be a form of recency bias. Need to finish the book today and order some new books tomorrow.

We do deserve all the bad things Trump is doing for us. Sad, but that’s the cost of being uninformed citizens and being too lazy to get informed or vote.

Keystone Pipeline Spill in South Dakota is the 7th largest on-land spill. 400,000 gallons dumped. Thanks Republicans!

Mon, 9 Apr 2018 [193 + 537]

SP and JDLC kept people up late again with full-volume conversations and SP rearranging the furniture to hide his stash of porn magazines.

Up early for small group. I didn’t say anything the whole time. It was all about “the thirst” as one guy described it (alcohol). That quickly degenerated into crazy meth binge stories. I was surprised that people used meth as an excuse for “borrowing” (as they call it) – stealing – things. If you steal, it’s because you’re a thief – meth doesn’t cause you to steal.

Did more sharing in Recovery class , mostly because the co-facilitator (Mrs. Bless) kept making stupid arguments. I might not even have disagreed with her premise that marijuana is a drug like any other, but she kept adding that “God didn’t put a match next to a marijuana plant; therefore we should not smoke it”. That’s the argument made in her own folksy language. She actually asked for input “does anyone want to debate me on this?”. Since she asked and since her argument was so dumb, I felt obliged to participate. I asked why the way the drug was ingested was an issue; didn’t the endo cannibanoid reception that was demonstrated on the video that was just watched apply just as well if you smoke, eat, or inject it? Then she talked about the “natural use” of marijuana. I added that nature doesn’t provide for erections by blue pill or insulin by syringe. Humans weren’t provided with wings. Yet where is her indignation at the unnaturalness of airplanes. The “natural use” argument is a bunch of shit. She just looked over to Facilitator Graham to take the class back over.

Got back to the bunk and read for a bit before UCW Shaderman came in an announced he was doing a room search. It was fairly anti-climactic. He only found that SP had damaged his pillow (removed the stuffing) and RT has two pillows and BRD had an unauthorized eating dish. Petty, but Shaderman is one of the good ones. As we were physically molested as we left the room, SP said to Shaderman “dude, you touched my weiner.” I started to laugh hysterically and Shaderman asked if I was going to write that in my journal. I said “yep” and so, here it is.

Tue, 10 Apr 2018 [194 + 536]

Class uneventful except to say that the instructor is so dumb. Two people read their scripts and one was a total fail as far as representing the particular “thinking distortion” that we were studying today. She just said OK and asked the rest of us to analyze what they insulted our minds with. Even the co-facilitator (Graham) got frustrated with her dullness.

Haircut today. Need to finish Anti-Intellectualism today – wasn’t in the mood for it yesterday. Then work on the CAT I assignment and treatment plan. Prepare book requests for tomorrow.

I learned something new about myself today. I was watching coverage of the Judiciary and Commerce Committee’s interview of Mark Zuckerberg. I had lots of criticism of him – some warranted, like is failure to anticipate some really obvious sources of abuse by regular users, by advertisers, and by state actors allowing the proliferation of fake news long after it was appearing in regular media that content farms were being setup in Eastern Europe to push fake news. But while he was under attack by a bunch of dumb-asses from the right and the left, I jumped to his side (which I wasn’t when the I turned the TV on). I wondered how dare they criticize him given how uninformed they are about the topic and how big of failures they are at their own responsibilities. Les Graham criticized him for the length of terms & conditions document, despite Graham being a long-time member of the body responsible for the necessity for that kind of legalism. Further that was not too far after another criticism from another senator about how their privacy policy was NOT LONG ENOUGH to cover all the possible nuances. They bitched about regulation that they are responsible for creating and have been derelict-of-duty for decades unlike their European counterparts, who have very pro-citizen regulation of social media and corporate storage of user data. Phil Judd on CNN rightly added to that feeling I had by asking why were none of them asking how they could help a successful and popular US company defend against direct assault by a foreign government (Russia) instead of simply bitching at him about how he let it happen.

But I wonder what it means about me that I could do a 100% switch of opinion to join with someone because their under attack. On the surface, it seems like a good quality (helping the underdog), but maybe it’s really a bad thing (lacking a solid value on the topic). Need to think on that some more.

In computer science I learned about various rounding methods. In primary schools, we learn about the round-half-up method. But in specialized fields we learn about the end-up-odd-down method. Then there’s the law enforcement rounding method, where you learn the round-up-past-the-next-weight-class method.

Finished “Anti-Intellectualism in American Life” (Hofstadter, 1969). Great book – including a thank you note to Bellevue Library for sending it via their loan program.

Wed, 11 Apr 2018 [195 + 535]

Paul Ryan will not seek reelection. Two days in a row like Christmas! Got a reply from Captain Strode saying to resubmit phone update since it was discarded because he was on vacation. Yeah, that’s the quality of people and processes in Nebraska: if they’re on vacation they just have their work thrown in the trash can. A whole state full of scumbags.

Turned in “Anti-Intellectualism” book to the library, but I’d missed the deadline for any new requests. Will have to get those requests in by the 10th of the month.

[Insert: TODO checklist for work release requirements (IDs)]

[Insert: Dated list of steps taken to get phone list updated with bankruptcy lawyer’s #]

[Insert: Older completed TODO list (Feb and Mar items)]

[Insert: Second page of TODO list, not all marked complete]

[Insert: “Home Tasks” task list]

Checked out some regular books: (1) Plato’s Republic, (2) Game of Thrones #1, and World of Warcraft Tides of War.

Got a reply from Strode that said he was gone when my form for adding the bankruptcy lawyers phone # was submitted, so submit another one (which I did yesterday). The implication being that their process is so incompetent that you have to know before submitting a form whether the person who eventually fulfills it will be there when it’s received because they discard forms received when they are gone. Brilliant Nebraskans – highly efficient; although it wouldn’t surprise me to learn they expend extra effort just for the purpose of making other human beings’ lives miserable.

Interesting news after 4pm count before our unit was called for supper: the sadistic, rapist guard called Dermody was beat to shit by an inmate in the lunchroom. Dermody is the guard who checks kitchen staff out for the day (by molesting them in plain view of the whole dinner hall: undressing them (he left their entire shirt up and you can see their stomach, chest and pubes), fondling their genitalia through their clothes, etc) as well as holding up the corner of the beverage counter while harassing people to tuck their shirt in and take off their hats while they wait for the gruel to be slopped on a tray. He grabbed some African guy (probably wanted to rape/fondle him), who turned around and pummeled him 4+ times and got him down on the floor. Apparently Dermody was sent to the infirmary and was a bloody pulp (roomie BRD saw him come into Medical and heard him say “Where’s the nurse? .. they got me.” HAHAHA. Damn, I wish I’d been there to see that. I think the karmic forces of the universe for acting in time to give some of his victims satisfaction.

Watched a Nova episode on the excavation of the Killing Pits near Ponar, Lithuania. It was a fascinating documentary about a terrible atrocity. It did make me realize I had been derelict about writing about a common theme among Nebraskans: Anti-Semitism. I’ve heard a lot of it here, from P’s derisive use of “Hebe” as a verb meaning to rip someone off/not share appropriately to T’s use of the same plus using “to Jew” (same meaning) and calling CNN, JewNN as additional slurs. I heard those words a lot from inmates and guards here.

Thu, 12 Apr 2018 [196 + 534]

Small group was so obnoxious today. Two people basically used the whole class to bitch and piss and moan about the whole program and no amount of coaxing by Graham could persuade them to move on. I mean they’re probably right about most of it, but how sickening for the rest of use to listen to someone else bitch about the same shit we’re experiencing. I was so pissed off when I left there. Getting up early just to listen to someone else whine like a goddamn bitch is intolerable. The Recovery class was much better than usual. Instead of the usual state propaganda/videos, Graham talked lecture-style about the stage of change and another improvement was him shutting down some of hte more stupid and distracting conversations. I liked the thing he said about differences between what someone says and what someone hears and the implication that people need to listen a little better.

The challenges for this program are (1) it’s not truly voluntary (labeling it as that is disingenuous/fraudulent) and so you have a lot of people that are just being difficult because they don’t care about changing; (2) the requirement for a medical/health treatment program to include input from the patient in his treatment and to have some essential dignity in that treatment are at odds with the state/prison requirement to de-humanize and humiliate the prisoner and to remove any real choices, including the choice of when to have a drink of water and when to evacuate his bowels.

Fri, 13 Apr 2018 [197 + 533]

CAT I class – had to do skits about magnification and actor v observer bias with KM. Went OK: the Trump references were popular. Ha.

Came back to the room to hear argument between SP and … himself. He was muttering continuously about someone stealing some crackers from his locker when he already knows who it was (JDLC), but kept saying “it wasn’t right” over and over under his breath until BRD and I, in different ways, told him to move on. I told him to start locking his locker like I do and BRD had some other take on it. He still kept muttering like a fool. He saw no irony in saying “wasn’t fair or right” and his own being here for burglarizing other peoples’ homes.

Slept through my laundry job – good.

Lots of awesome news about the Trump dumpster fire. Cohen under criminal investigation and James Comey book excerpts out. Comey loves sayin “prostitutes peeing on each other in Moscow” way too much. Ha. Trump pardons a criminal from the Bush II era: Scooter Libby, who was Dick Cheney’s treason accomplice.

Sat, 14 Apr 2018 [198 + 532]

I think I have MRSA on my left hand. I’ve had a cut right beneath the middle finger that hasn’t healed for 3+ weeks. Earlier this week, it became raised, bumpy, reddish, and warm. Then today I woke up to 3-4 satellite bumps that look like miniature pimples. I created a medical interview request and took it immediately to the medical center @ 852am.

Finished treatment plan items #1 (list behaviors that, the the past, boosted feelings of self-worth) and #2 (list 10 positive assets/qualities) and sent them by IIR to Corey (Omdinger). Started looking at #3, but will need to talk to him first. The item asks for a list of thinking errors that led to drug use and I don’t think the issue was with my cognition, but with my values. I know what answer they want me to give, but their models are so simplistic and self-serving; I can’t force myself to be intellectually dishonest. It would be better to understand my mistakes in the context of a more updated and realistic model of cognition/behavior: this one has serious flaws.

Once again I had to endure the stupidest-ass conversation to-date. First an hour-long conversation between JH, SP, and RT about the rottenest vaginas they had intercourse with. Then an hour or so on a drug stories. Today it was a medley about something called Lean – where they got it from, how they sold it, the benefits of red vs. purple vs. yellow. Then it transitioned to how easily they entered prisons/jails with various drugs and pills carefully packed into their orifices. Then mercifully the call for early-line dinner ended the torture of listening to that drivel. Wonder if water-boarding is that bad.

At noon, went an mentioned that I had not gotten any reply from medical about a possible MRSA infection and he said they do check their mailbox on weekends, but they still not not work that fast – even for MRSA. Nothing will cause a “medical” staff member to leave their soap operas until a commercial break.

Got a reply that Burke Smith Law phone number was added finally, so I can follow up on Monday on the bankruptcy.

Something else that bugs the holy shit out of me: roomies’ screaming bitch fits with their main bitches and “side bitches”. JH’s conversations end in a ridiculous and irritating bitch-fest about 80% of the time and RT’s once so far. Second place for irritating are the quasi-phone sex calls of RT and JDLC. They are so disrespectful, deceitful, and unfaithful to their significant-others; it’s gross. That conversation about “side bitches” was so trashy – they could quality as a Trump administration senior advisor. They talk about their cheating as if it was an admirable quality, but see no irony or fault in their harsh words of criticism for their girlfriends’ potential or perceived infidelity. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

Came out of medical appointment and my coat and hat were missing again. Told the officer in medical, but he could only offer that brilliant insight: “someone must have taken it”. Wrote an IIR to laundry with the relevant details and said I was OK without one because it’s more trouble than its worth given having to track it down every time it disappears after hanging it in one of the areas where you’re required to take it off and hang it up next to every else’s.

The nurse I spoke to was so dumb. She said it doesn’t look like an infection even after acknowledging that there were satellite nodes spreading around it. When I asked if it could be fungal, she was like “could be”… as if fungus wouldn’t be an infection just as much as it was if the source was bacterial. She is going to schedule me with a better nurse this coming week.

Sun, 15 Apr 2018 [199 + 531]

Dead God, please give Susan Strong painful bleeding piles and rotting skin to maker her rotten soul. I hate her and her evil and her hateful existence.

“You pluck the chicken one feather at a time and people don’t really notice.” (Mussolini) I think I’ve been spelling fascism wrong this whole time.

Mon, 16 Apr 2018 [200 + 530]

Stupid ass topic in small group: what would you do if you only had a few days before the world ends. The ass hats in the group all described selfish and immoral things they would do: rob banks, steal, rape women. Those are Nebraskans for you.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in ‘Recovery’ class. I kept my comments to myself. Maslow’s triangle is a model for human behavior and motivation, not “existence” as the speaker tried to deceptively imply. It was also funny that his whole lecture put drugs in place of the original disputation to Maslow’s model: religion. Something people who upset the hierarchy to get even when they hadn’t satisfied lower levels. That may be true to the kind of drug users that he and Nancy Reagan wanted every to believe every drug user was like, but there are certainly many more people who use drugs and alcohol moderately for personal enjoyment. For those other kinds of users, it destroys normal motivation and a replaces it will a new model that is more geared toward drugs and drug-adjacent goods and services. I suspect the history the history lesson would not be valued by anti-intellectuals, Nebraskans. He collected the ‘stages of change’ homework and and SP failed to have any of his finished at all. He just laughed about it when we got back to the room.

Tried to call Burke Smith Law, but the phone has automation on it, so couldn’t get through. Called mom and had her call them to try and get a direct number. Called her back later and she had a chance to speak to them and got #402-235-1153 and they said to call Wednesdays for best results and try back if it’s busy at first.

Mom said she ordered ‘Fire and Fury’ and ‘A Higher Loyalty’ from Amazon today. Yay!

Submitted a phone change request for the replacement of the lawyer’s number at 19:35. It was signed by Bonnet.

Copied note from an earlier page of non-journal notes from 04/08/2018. Sean Penn’s son Hopper Penn and his girlfriend arrested in Western Nebraska with marijuana, amphetamines, and hallucinogens.

Tue, 17 Apr 2018 [201 + 529]

Exam in CAT I class was simple – even dead-head passed. For every thinking distortion question that required an example, I used something Trump did from the news. There were some essay questions at the end that I got a little snooty about – saying that some of the CAT material was disingenuous and insulting. Wonder what she’ll have to say about that. There was some drama around the grading. Her answer key had two questions swapped around and so a lot of people, myself included, had only the extra same two T/F questions wrong. After she acknowledged her error (with much spastic and over-dramatizing concern/uprising from the peanut gallery), lost of people got 100% on the questions with objective/exact answers.

Got a pay report from Nebraska. They make a fake offer of pay to unsuccessfully the label of Slavers. The “pay” doesn’t cover your toiletries and OTC medicines (a person needs a regular supply of Pepto and aspirin to survive here at a minimum).

It’s difficult to avoid the fact that we have two different legal processes in the United States, despite the national mythology that we are in some grand experiment in democracy and egalitarianism. There is one law enforcement and legal process for poor people and minorities and a completely different one for upper-middle, wealthy, and the law enforcement classes. After the FBI raided Michael Cohen’s officer, politicians and lawyers are aghast that a lawyer was not trusted to turn over evidence of his crimes by himself. Meanwhile black kids in NYC are stopped and frisked every day, non-wealthy citizens driving lawfully down the street are pulled off the street for “seatbelt education” checkpoints as a pretense for fishing for private consensual drug use.

Today I would like to read some more of the philosophy book and also finish my first draft of the letter to the Innocence Project. Watched PBS series “Civilization”, episode 1. It was really good. It covered Minoans, Mycenaens, Navateans, Szechuan, and Mayans. Going to try and catch them all.

Wed, 18 Apr 2018 [202 + 528]

Canteen ran really late today – it was pay week and they only had one window open for most of the time. The younger cashier-officer was nice though and let me add a stocking cap. He must be new; I’m sure they’ll turn him into a raging devil soon.

Community meeting today was really community verbal abuse. She (Ms. Bless – recovering crack ho) started out the lecture with a gender-based insult, implying that we were not real men: “I’ll address you as meeen (even though you’re not really meeen)” and then 10 minutes of rambling before we learned why we had been emasculated. She was pissed that some people complained about not being able to play cards. According to CAT I language, she was guilty of a criminal behavior called “selective focus” because she chose only one item (of many complaints made) that it was easy for her to win a moral, rhetorical argument over, while ignoring the more substantial complaints (like not having access to education programs), which was really the higher priority in the bitch session that (I assume) prompted her 15-minute diarrhea of the mouth.

Had individual treatment at 9am. We read through the treatment plan items #1 and #2. He asked if I thought I was done with meth or if I thought I would become a weekend warrior. As I am not really in a treatment program, but a human cage, I said my plan was to stay away from it altogether and I had already taken steps to get myself away from the sources of highest temptation for me (Oregon, Vegas, San Francisco). I had plans to move back to where my parents live and help them run a small business. I also said I would like to review the SMART program materials and he committed (again) to tracking them down. Finally I asked about the next assignment and said I disagreed with the notion that some of my errors were in the thinking (cognition) part of the process and he was skeptical, but said “get some things written down” as best I could by their model and then using my own and we’d talk about them.

Watched Nova: Decoding the Climate Machine. Awesome documentary on the causes and impacts of carbon released by burning fossil fuels and some potential solutions. Humans are a despicable species and deserve the extinction event we’re merrily building for ourselves. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence, the majority of them deny the problem and eschew any corrective action. Instead we use our productive capacity to imprison our people, build piles of weapons of mass destruction, and aggrandizing and hauling around from golf course to golf course our dumbest and fattest citizens.

There is some scholarship that says Calvinism/Puritanism, Capitalism, and Democracy uniquely worked together to produce the rot of government and economics and religion that we have today in the US. I wonder if that same process should include the rape and pillage of the Earth as an essential factor in that unholy alliance.

Thu, 19 Apr 2018 [203 + 527]

Small group was OK – discussed a lot of programs for maintenance. There are “CMA” (crystal meth addict) groups. Had exam in the Recovery class – was very easy; finished it in like 5 minutes.

Returned library books: the lambda calculus book that wasn’t very good and the philosophy book that I didn’t finish after two check-out terms.

Spent another afternoon count listening to yet more drug stories: using and dealing, by JH and RT. It’s like every fucking day now. Is there nothing else that can be talked about???

Fri, 20 Apr 2018 [204 + 526]

Had diarrhea last night – no doubt some bug from the rotten kitchen food.

Got a reply from the phone update people. The lawyer didn’t immediately answer the phone, so they declined to add his number. I created a grievance documenting how I’ve been trying to get it added since 03/14 with no results.

Watched “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”. It was OK. Didn’t care for some of the over-the-top or maybe just corny dialogue (because it was under-developed). Example: the love chat between Rose and Finn.

Got a birthday card from B and the book ‘Fire and Fury’ from mom arrived. Sent emails to AH and mom. Sent email to JH yesterday.

No classes today while all the counsellors were at some stupid-ass training themselves: probably how to be more like the Nazis. Really frustrated that they keep playing stupid games with adding my lawyer’s telephone # to my phone list.

Sat, 21 Apr 2018 [205 + 525]

Woke up to UCW Benjamin putting the grievance I submitted yesterday back on my chair. I guess the mailroom misdirected it back to my. Need to send it again. Might try it on an IIR first to not have it wait 10 days. Filled out another phone request for Burke Smith Law and said to try more than once between he may be in court or with a client and that Wednesdays are the best.

Sun, 22 Apr 2018 [206 + 524]

Woke up at 6am to pass the Warden’s Breakfast. Nebraskans are sick, sick, sick. Had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to piss into a plastic cup after being raped by a guard and then he peeped me while I was peeing. Possible other book title: “Terrible People: Nebraska Edition”. nah…. too open-ended.

A naked gunmen shoots up a Waffle House. Crazy shit. About what you’d expect from another shit-hole state.

I had an IIR to medical yesterday letting them know that the infection on my left hand had doubled in diameter since they looked at it. Got the reply “Sometimes it get worse before it get better”. I guess the bar is pretty low for nursing schools in Nebraska. That one might have been better suited as a d-list comedian.

Called mom – exciting progress at the new house. Dad and K have most of the floor support done and expect to finish it today. Then they’ll start on the walls! She’s sending a bunch of pictures in the mail tomorrow. Told her I loved the Fire and Fury book.

Water quality and public corruption – West Virginia had MCMH in their Charleston water. They passed a bill authorizing WV EPA to investigate all chemical tanks, but next year lobbyists for coal and WV manufacturing neutered it. EPA and CDC were also part of the corruption – falsifying data to say that things were OK. Revolving door between those agencies and the industry that they are regulating. Also Flint, MI; Philadelphia, Chicago, G???, TX. PBS Independent Lens: “What Lives Upstream”.

Mon, 23 Apr 2018 [207 + 523]

Degenerate Nebraskan Gestapo had two surprises yesterday: the piss party in the morning but then a late night harassment. Around 9-10pm a troupe of 4 – 5 morons led by the guy they call Duffy kicked us out of the room for an unexplained, thorough search. They found the guys’ porn stash and a few “altered” clothing items, but apparently didn’t find whatever they wanted. Mostly they just made a mess, which was probably their real intent. Most importantly, those ass hats caused me to miss the end of the Masterpiece episode of Unforgotten that I was watching. Despicable son of a bitches. Your punishment is being here, but then they torture your each day by rape and stunts like these where they destroy your room: they throw/mix your clothes and bedding in with our filthy inmates’ clothing and bedding; they damage your books and magazines by throwing them around; they put their grubby unwashed paws all over your stuff, spill your food and drink out on the floor. After they’re done the room looks like a shot in a TV show were the bad guys ransacked a room looking for the top-secret document.

Small group was stupid as usual. People giving ‘good luck’ advice to two people they didn’t know, but who were graduating. Then the rest of the time listening to P bitch (again) about his personal issues. Recovery class – got a 102%. Missed one question about the definition of disease, which his definition isn’t even right – it’s some definition contrived to make their authoritarian world-view less ridiculous. But, oh well, not going to try to correct him. Then a long discussion about whether you can be in maintenance, according to their model, of you’re in a special environment like prison. Graham’s idea being that you can’t count any of this time as being clean because we’re in prison and you can’t even have drugs if you wanted them. LOL – trump’s isn’t the only right-winger that will lie to your face.

Walked again tonight. RT said 4.5 times around the track is 1 mile, so tonight I think I walked about 3 miles. That’s awesome. Last night, I think I rounded it about 2.1 miles worth. It felt good – I think I’ll make myself do that every day. Even though I’ll have to put myself into contact with a bunch of low-lives.. and inmates – some real criminals, even.

Tue, 24 Apr 2018 [208 + 522]

No classes today. Thank God! But at the same time – what a ridiculous program that meets for two hours a day and we have nothing to do for the remainder of the day and then it’s cancelled 20% of the time.

Walked a little less than a mile tonight. It seems like it was going to start raining and even felt a few drops. Got an email from TF. Wasn’t sure if I was going to reply to him, but I did at the last minute tonight.

Finished reading “Fire and Fury” – it was a great read. Going to start on Plato’s Republic or A Higher Loyalty next.

UCW Inserra was here tonight. He’s a good guy – he must not be from Nebraska originally. Last night that rotten demon Charrlin was here. I need to get a crucifix to protect myself.

The infection on my hand doesn’t seem to be getting any better with the hydrocortisone.

Wed, 25 Apr 2018 [209 + 521]

Woke up to a yelling match between JF and SP. SP allegedly left the bathroom without washing his hands and having taken a shit. He is pretty nasty so it’s easy to believe it’s true. It sounded like it might end up with SP getting a pummeling, but he jumped up on his bunk and pouted instead (probably wisely).

Went to canteen. Came back and SP and JDLC were now having a yelling match because SP expected JDLC to say that he washed his hands, but JDLC said he didn’t care.

During community meeting, UCM Carroll made an announcement that all shitty toilet paper was to be flushed, not put into the trash can. Then the counsellor/porn addict (that was his admission to us in one of the classes) because verbally assaulting the entire group by suggesting that were were less than men because some people were doing something that very well could be a cultural different that they simply need to do some cultural education to resolve. (I lived with a Brazilian exchange student and he did that too). The counsellor’s emasculation and gender-based ad hominems are a strong indication of their actual “counselling” qualifications, that is: none. Nebraska demands assimilation or they will being out their favorite and only tool: violence!

BRD was removed from the room after 2pm shift change since he graduated and they needed the room for someone who also had a bottom bunk pass. Then, after he’d moved, the guy coming in refused the program anyway. So all that fuss for absolutely no purpose. What a bunch of nebraskans.

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 [210 + 520]

21 scaramuccis down, 52 to go. Large Group (it can’t rightly be called Small Group anymore as it’s doubled it’s size and is not longer worthwhile as an intimate discussion group) was particularly frustrating today. B came in today and started bitching about a perceived insult from Counsellor Graham after Wednesday’s graduation. People kept stirring it up and piling on Graham. In the end, after a comment by B that Graham’s insult was hurting his sobriety, I commented that maybe he was making Graham’s point for him that “if one insult could set you off, you do need to work extra hard to avoid relapse”. I hate the prison system as much as anyone else, but there’s only so much Stupid I can cooperating with in the course of the battle against authoritarians before it’s necessary to separate myself. Plus Graham is probably the least policeman-ish, if at all, of the counselling staff. I was pretty frustrated at that point.

Really feeling low today. Feeling depressed and pissy. Couldn’t answer any emails. Need to respond to TF, JH, and KP, but .. tomorrow.

No response from the hateful phone-adding people here (Captain Strode) yet about adding the other lawyer’s telephone number.

Fri, 27 Apr 2018 [211 + 519]

No programming today. No reason given. They know as much as anyone else what a complete waste of time this program is and it shows. Plus Nebraskans are incredibly lazy.

Started reading Android Embedded Programming.

Talked to mom – dad was at the building project again. Apparently they have much of the floor done! She sent the pictures the same day. PD’s card was mailed. I didn’t get them today, so hopefully it comes in Monday. She wrote to JPay about the non-delivered mail and non-delivered stamps. PD & DD leave Tuesday and K&C leave in a few weeks. K&L are there visiting before K&C leave.

Feel better today than yesterday. Did quite a bit of work on my treatment plan item #3. Should be readyto start writing up the final version tonight and be done over the weekend.

Room drama earlier: SP started playing his shitty music ridiculously loud and woke up a couple people (JDLC) and AR called him out on it. I agreed with AR – it was way too loud. SP brought up that he had ben awoken by JH playing his TV way too loud at 7am this morning and woke him up. I agreed with SP on that too. I was also awoken by that 7am noise. I seem to recall an chapter on woked, woken, awaken, awoken from my most-messed-up words list, but then again – who really cares anymore anyway. I had to leave and go do my laundry job before I heard the end of the debate. JH said he wouldn’t do his TV loud anymore. Perhaps SP is really some mad genius and getting that concession from JH was his goal all along – naaah.

Sat, 28 Apr 2018 [212 + 518]

Thought a bit last night about RF, from Portland. Hadn’t thought about him for a couple years, but I did treat him badly, I think. I was very short and impatient with him because I was too focused on drug use. He was beautiful, cuddly, interested, smart, and concerned about many of the same social justice issues that I was interested in – as well as gaming and other nerdy things. Damn I was a fucking idiot. Will ask JH if he still talked to him.

Wrote email replies to JH, KP, and TF last night. Need to write letters to PD and B this weekend as well as finishing homework #3 in my treatment plan.

Wrote to JH about RF. Kind of nervous to see what might come of that. Would love to patch things up and live happily ever after with him, but as DP would say, “that’s magical thinking”. Would settle for an apology and forgiveness.

Finished treatment plan item #3. It’s a masterpiece of writing and logic, I think.

Sun, 29 Apr 2018 [213 + 517]

National Academy of Sciences. National Science Foundation. American Medical Association.

Finished multi-ended potential relapse scenarios for my treatment plan item #4. The scenario was a sex hookup on Grindr that resulted in a hookup where the other person said he had some “good meth”. I humorously wrote <redacted> in places where any sex talked would have occurred in the scenario. Wonder if Omdinger will think it’s funny that I spared him the gruesome details.

Also wrote an IIR to Omdinger asking for SMART materials or failing their ability to supply them, to make a suggestion for a book I could order myself or place I could write for them. I was thinking I could start a small group that investigated the materials and have a small feather in my cap for the parole board. Or not – probably they don’t care either way like the rest of this God-hating state.

Head back from JH about my prison board-game idea. E no longer works at the board game making company. Got to find my own energy to work on this idea.

Productive afternoon: balanced the ledger of what I have left of the money I left with mom. It seems I am nearing the end of my savings and now I will be borrowing from her. Sent her a few emails: this accounting update (I know I haven’t counted the books she’s sent because she doesn’t tell me what was spent); a note asked for two new books (The Hellfire Club (Jake Tapper) and a book on digital electronic; and finally a note on what’s been going on here (hint: not much really: graduation from phase 1).

Watched Pills vs. Pot on CNN. Doctor gave a good insult to the criminal “justice” system that attempts abstinence-only programs. The brain is fundamentally changed: glutamate reception is blocked. Marijuana may help with this. Only 5-10% of abstinence-only treatment attempts work (opioids). Pot helps with: pain, opioid treatment, Alzheimers, epilepsy (Israel trials), autism, cancer, and HIV). Might bring this up as a topic in large group tomorrow. Marijuana compounds: (1) THC, and (2) CBD (non-psychoactive). Cannibanoids vs. Opioids: the former only illegal because paper manufacturers (rich people) didn’t want a cheap fiber material available.

“No way to help dead people”

Jeff Session is a goddamn devil and hopefully he takes his place in Hell sooner than later – right next to Whore Susan Strong.

Mon, 30 Apr 2018 [214 + 516]

Last day of the month! 7 down, 17 to go.

Large group was less frustrating today than usual. Topic was: “who tried to tell you to get help while you were using”. I didn’t share – didn’t really have anything wise to add.

“Wisdom can’t be produced on demand” – Me

Not sure if I ever described here what my more recent job has been (for about the last 1 – 1.5 months): laundry sorter. Each Monday through Friday 2-3 other guys and I sort the “clean” laundry from large bins rolled across the prison yard over from laundry into 12 large piles representing rooms 1 through 13 (there is no room 6 because it had been converted to a classroom).

I had started joking with UCW Shademan a few weeks back when he was doing 11am count that I would like a diet coke with a lime on the side as he walks through, implying that he is a waiter-of-sorts to us. Today when I told him to be sure and mark me down for doing the laundry work, he said “no, but I need a diet coke with a lime”. Funny. I know I am pretty negative most of the time about the depravity of humanity on the part of the people who work here, but I guess in fairness, I should mention at least three humane people here: Shademan is one, Benjamin is another, and the librarian a third. These are real human being who have not become animals in the same way that either the guards or the inmates became in The Stanford Prison Experiment. For them alone, I hope that there really is an Arbiter at the end of this whole Material Plane existence and they are rewarded for kindness and humanity that they didn’t have to give and, in fact, probably suffer for from this institution.

There was a fight late last night in room #10. Some older guy and a younger guy, Carmichael (who they call ‘chimo’) beat the shit out of each other. Lots of talk about that today.

It’s hot as a bitch in there today (and the last week). Supposedly turning on the AC has been requested, but the Warden can wait until the 15th of May, if she wants. I’m going to start writing Oven #4 instead of Room #4 on prison correspondence. They won’t care – I think they’re proud of being the successors of the Third Reich here on Earth.

Roommates discussing stealing electricity – JH and RT are one-upping each other on how much metered service they can steal.

UCW Charrlin, the Devil’s retarded step-daughter, is here again tonight. She started by closing all the doors so that the oven temperature increases even worse. Her voice resonates with a frequency that is worse than any other I have ever heard.

JH replied about RF saying that he is no longer from Facebook as far as he can tell. So it sounds like he either blocked JH, went off Facebook, or he told JH that he had no interested in exchanging any words with me and JH, being the good friend that he is, was sparing my feelings. Either way, damn.

At 9pm count, Rotten Cunt, a.k.a. Charrlin, took away AR’s plastic bowl. Hundreds of instances of officers walking past a plastic food dish – that was once sold on the canteen and then became “contraband” the minute it was taken off the canteen list (to generate forced sales of another item sold on the canteen) – and said nothing, but she is so hateful and soulless that she couldn’t resist the opportunity to be petty and kick someone while they were already on the ground.