Prison Journal: May 2018

Tue, 1 May 2018 [215 + 515]

Nebraska is trying to kill us by baking us to death or by asphyxiation. I asked if I could sign up for lethal injection instead of baking. No response.

Though of a new name for my book that I kind of like: Anti-Intellectual Nebraska: Myths of Addiction and Justice.

CNN just advertised a special called “The Dark Side of the Internet” about hate speech. Part of the reel said “a twelve year old could access this stuff in minutes”. Yesterday I was watching some news show that some commentator stopped his comment mid-idea and said “I guess kids could be watching”. When did every piece of content or free speech become subject to censorship on the possibility some kid could get ahold of it? It’s ridiculous – no one can say, do, or watch anything because parents can’t be responsible for watching their kids. If parents feel that their kids should have a completely anti-septic childhood, the burden should be theirs to build a bubble for them – unplug the Internet, remove the cable TV or TV-at-all and background check all the other children they might come in contact with. If anyone wondered where the pussification of society stems from, it might be this attitude.

They just turned on the air conditioning. Yay! It feels like that movie with Arnold Swartzenegger where they Martians are one breath away from dying and the big fans come on.

Had individual therapy session with Allmendinger to cover the treatment plan items #3 and #4. He seemed impressed with the scholarship and even offered some surprisingly-cogent and relevant insights. He did some minor defense of the CAT I program content that it is based on the cognition of rationalization and not the cognition of decision-making. After the meeting, he printed off a bunch of papers from the SMART Recovery website. So far I am impressed with what I’ve read. I may try to start a SMART Recovery group here while I’m waiting on parole.

Submitted library loan requests for (1) Sober for Good (Anne Fletcher), (1) Algorithms and Data Structures, and (3) Embedded Programming in C.

Got the SMART Recovery materials from Allmendinger. Holy shit – it’s so much better than the 12-step stuff. It’s like night and day: the 12-step material reads like the word-salad of Paul from the New Testament and the SMART materials actually make sense and do not immediately give me a headache from the sheer stupidity of them. I am going to ask mom to order the handbook for me.

Wed, 2 May 2018 [216 + 514]

Canteen morning – got a bunch of those quesadilla mush packs. They were good – well, they were better than the kitchen food.

Another stupid ass community meeting – 15 min that will never come back. Lost forever.

Got a bunch of books yesterday – Hellfire Club, Annihilation trilogy, and the PHB from mom and JH. Got an email from TH and answered it this morning.

The United State’s experiment with democracy is over. This form of government requires reasonableness, consensus-building, and a little honor. Absent that good-will and cooperative spirit, the cracks in having a government of three coequal branches become apparent and unresolvable without some branch seizing an unequal position about the others. The blame: a lazy and uninformed citizenry who allowed hyper-partisan charlatans to fully populate all three branches.

Thu, 3 May 2018 [217 + 513]

Large group was good. Listened to someone’s life story and then discussed goals and having realistic expectations about how long goals take to accomplish.

Wrote an IIR to Mr. Erickson at CCCO about questions around possibility of working for a previous employer at work release.

Also submitted a phone request, social variety, for TH and for my bankruptcy lawyer with the note (paraphrased): “since you refuse to add my attorney to the confidential list, I guess I’ll have to give my right speak confidentially to him in order to speak to him at all”. We’ll see what happens with that sarcastic note, given that professional discourse fails to reach a Nebraskan.

Fri, 4 May 2018 [218 + 512]

Thor Ragnarok today at 3:55pm.

Inevitably, in any government let by the will of the People, fools will make their way into positions of power, because the vast majority of the People are themselves fools. Their soul is full of laziness when it comes to learning the facts of issues themselves and in parsing arguments presented by political con artists for reasoning errors and manipulation.

Someone in this room has a rotten ass. Very rotten.

Nebraskan depravity strikes again. ICS (phone people) say “ICS doesn’t have to try multiple times” to add a phone number. The process is that before they add a lawyer, they have to call and confirm they are a lawyer and if the lawyer doesn’t pick up the phone the first try (apparently), you’re screwed. They have everything designed so that they do the least amount of work possible and still collect their full pay. Very few of these people would cut it in a real employment situation. Corrections is a jobs program for the laziest, most morbidly obese, most incompetent, and severely psychologically disturbed people in society. In order to solve the mass incarceration problem, we’d have to find a way to support these Unemployables another way.

Found a strange, hard protrusion on my left lower jaw, left side, right below the tooth line. It is hard and sticks out for what feels 5 – 6 mm (feels like anyway from running my tongue over it). No such feature exists on the other side of the jaw.

Saw Thor: Ragnarok finally. It was a little weird at some points (the garbage world, the Grandmaster, etc.), but I still loved it overall.

Got the schedule for Phase 2 today. M,Th is the CAT II class with Graham and Fallin (porn-addict guy) and Tu, F is the Relapse Prevention I class. Still stuck in the 7a-7:55am large group on M, Th. 33.3% done!

Mom said she order the SMART Recovery handbook that I asked for.

Sat, 5 May 2018 [219 +511]

Happy Fucking Birthday. Burn in Hell, Susan Strong, you in-bred, hateful Devil.

Got a reply from ICS – I think they did finally add the new lawyer on the request to add him as a friend instead of an attorney. They decline to add TH because “subscriber info does not match”. Doesn’t match what? These people are so evil and so miserable.

This place is ridiculously miserable. The new room situation sucks. The new roommate is a K2 dealer and is really loud and obnoxious and brings out the obnoxiousness in the others. They talked at maximum volume for all of the 4pm count about violent misogynistic sex. I couldn’t turn up the volume enough to drown out the loud and very stupid conversation.

Read the Southern Reach Trilogy, book 1 (Annihilation). It was very captivating. Called mom and talked for 15 min (the maximum). Need to finish Plato’s Republic by Friday.

Sun, 6 May 2018 [220 + 510]

22 scaramuccis down, 51 to go.

Read John Meachem’s Soul of America: The Batter for our Better Nature. Amanda Carpenter: The Gaslighting of America. (gaslighting = an elaborate scheme to distort reality). A republic is worth defending but few people are doing it (like Michael Avenatti). David Johnson: “It’s worse than we think”. Reliable Sources, CNN.

I hope Susan Strong and her whole family get some foul disease of the body and mind to match her foul disease of the soul.

I’ve decided to create my own Arya’s List to repay hatred and lies used to deliver me to this Hell on Earth called Nebraska. My repayment will be non-violent: to expose to the world the trash-heap of humanity that is Nebraska’s so-called “justice” system. Ideas: corruptionwatch.org where everyone violated by these vampires can be named and shamed. Unfortunately, they have no shame. They’re making so much money, they can afford to live with it.

United Shades of America was on Sikhism. They wear the turbans because they are advertising that they are duty-bound to help people in need. Also, founded around 1500CE by Guru Narak; it is marked by the rejection of idolatry and caste. “I see no stranger. I see no enemy”. They come to America and get shot at and killed. Find that one book I have at home: The Brief History of God. Sikhism requires the faithful to be active in doing good work, seeking justice.

For the second weekend in a row, we’re being baked to death slowly in Oven #4. On Friday, the A/C went off and Cpl Bonnett said it wasn’t working. She called the lieutenant and they said “tough shit – no maintenance for the weekend. Saturday was awful; not sure how tonight will fare, but so far shaping up to be about the same.

Topic for my book: a disproportionate number of employees in the upper legion of prison system – and especially the most sadistic of them have German names: Lewien (warden), Administrator Weiss, Captain Strode, …. Are these the children of the Operation Paperclip transplants? Research item.

Mon, 7 May 2018 [221 + 509]

Air conditioning had been switched off over the weekend; very miserable night. Couldn’t sleep. Had difficulty breathing. Very crabby today. The stupid snatch of an SAU supervisor (Ms. Bless) came to the group at 7am to say that people who have to move out of the 7am group to make room for the GED students because that’s the only time they can attend. Several people brought up that they were taking college courses and also needed the 7am time slot. Instead of gathering information, like how many people are in those Metro classes to see how many people are affected to see if there was an even a issue with being able to accommodate both GED and Metro education classes, she tells them that GED is more important and all the Metro people need to just live with it because that’s what they would have to do if this was a job. She was just as hostile and belligerent about it as they were. She is probably the dumbest, least in-touch with treatment, and the most escalatory of all the prison officials.

Clearly, she’s never had a real job before either, because that’s not the way employers talk to you in the real world. They would have sought a solution that works for both important objectives, like shifting time slots around or doing 20 seconds of information-gathering to see who isn’t impacted by either GED or Metro and could be shifted around with no problem whatsoever (like myself). But no, that ex-crack-whore loves her authoritarian rule too much.

Submitted an IIR to laundry to get 4 new pairs of socks as these cheap garbage-bin socks are have huge holes in them. Cpl Shademan signed off on the size of the sock hole that I wrote on the IIR.

CAT II started with a Rudyard Kipling poem. I incorrectly identified him as the writer of Headless Horseman. Fallin corrected me that that was Washington Irving. Kipling wrote the Jungle Book. That was really embarrassing being wrong and corrected by that pipe-squeak masturbator.

Felt really depressed all day long – not exactly sure why. Thought about death several times. Imagined how I should have brought a crackable capsule of cyanide in my mouth to that courtroom on October 4th and bitten down as that whore started her smarmy, off-base, and self-enriching pronouncements. Anyone should have the option of death to any prison sentence as a natural right. Death is far preferable to his Hellish nightmare.

The bleeding from my butt when wiping keeps getting worse. There is constantly blood and the toilet paper is frequently soaked bright red. The “medical” staff replied to my IIR about the protrusion on my jaw. It is “scheduled”, which means they’ll get back with me in about four months.

Got a reply from Erickson at CCCO about the work release questions I asked where I could contact [old employer] and work for them at one of their location at work release.

Did a bit of study of numbers to try and cheer myself up. I want to quantify how much more representation smaller, rural states get than larger and urban states get. T??? and Wyoming citizens get 5+ units of representation per million-citizens; whereas CA only get 1.47 units of representation per million citizens. I intend to use this in my book. Nebraska devils get 2.43 units of representation/million citizens. The amount every citizen should get in a fair system is 1.73 units (using the 2013 population info in the library). I want to also study the amount of money taken by states from the federal government and match that up to the uneven representation and update these numbers with more recent data and add the areas that have zero Congressional representation (DC, PR, other territories).

Other title ideas: What’s the Matter with Nebraska: Myths of Addiction and Red State Justice. Include phrases: “prison as the punishment of first resort” and “hate-justice”.

Tue, 8 May 2018 [222 + 508]

First relapse prevention class was kind of like the recovery class – a lot of movies. Hopefully it won’t just be like that all the way through. Homework: read pages 1 – 8 of the Relapse book from the same series as the Criminal and Addictive Thinking book. The bullshit from the Minnesota Department of Corrections and some self-evidently fraudulent “doctors” whose names appear in the book. Hard to believe they are really academics.

Wrote a draft of a letter for P to Natalie Johnson trying to get them to at least not be roadblocks to someone trying to take MCC classes. Got a dig in on that stupid bitch, Ms. Bless, for being “openly hostile” and rude at even the suggestion that some minor effort could make all three priorities possible (SAU, GED, and MCC).

UCM Carroll is going to write an email to try and answer my questions about working for a previous employer on work-release.

Allmendinger replied about the SMART group that they would look further into starting a SMART Recovery group.

JDLC was abuse to UCW Charrlin at 4pm count today. He said “Charrlin, no one likes you” and she replied “I like me” and mumbled some more after that as she was leaving the room. Then an hour later she was shaking own our room for the third time in less than 30 days. She was reading my legal mail. She looked up and gave her evil grinch smile. 90 minutes later, she had tore up the room, tossed our personal property and state property around. She broke my JPay tablet (screen separated from the tablet) and a scratch across the center of the screen. She threw other peoples’ filthy clothes on my bed. Someone else’s pillow was on my bed. She wrote me up for having a “religious” tote and she took my D&D Player’s Handbook. She wrote RT up for a stolen TV and having a pill out of the bubble-pack. She took some of AR’s pills and took some altered clothing. She took way more property from the room than she documented int he search report, including the book.

Wrote a grievance on Charrlin. Wrote an IIR to UCM Carroll asking to move rooms. Wrote to AA Britton requesting a tort claim against Charrlin over the broken tablet and stolen book. Wrote a note to mailroom asking them to confirm that they had mistakenly starting writing someone else’s name in my book and then crossed it out and correctly wrote my name and number. Went to the library to research where the rule about only NE-established religious items are allowed in the “religious” tote.

Wed, 9 May 2018 [223 + 507]

Overnight I had a throbbing head and temples and I was shaking uncontrollably. I asked the CO to see if medical could check my blood pressure. Medical replied ‘no’; it’s not an emergency.

I wrote an “apology” IIR to them this morning apologizing for disturbing the night nurse’s Netflix watching.

Felt very depressed and miserable all day long. I don’t see a way out of this place today. The horror is never going to end.

I tried to call Burke Smith Law 10 times today, but no answer. I suspect that he never agreed to help me and that Jeremy Parsley just passed along the first low-rent bankruptcy lawyer he found in the Yellow Pages to get me off the phone.

I should have called mom and dad instead – that might have improved my mood.

Was counselled by several inmates that I should not submit that grievance or letter to the Public Counsel or I might not even make it out of the prison system alive. Definitely not at the second year mark, at the very least. If they don’t do it themselves directly, they’ll move you to places and create situations where you’re guaranteed to be killed by another inmate and/or accumulate additional real-world charges and be stuck here forever.

Thu, 10 May 2018 [224 + 506]

Had PHO at 9am with Sgt Black. He was nice enough and started the conversation with “Charrlin hit you too?” I explained the bullshit she charrlined on us and he was understanding. He seemed to share the opinion that she is a ridiculous character and has some serious behavioral issues. He said to write down all the things I had been telling him and take that with me to UDC on May 15th.

Talked to UCM Carroll and asked about having JH fax the shipping notice for the book that she stole from me. She said talk to Property about it. I also asked her to withdraw the room-move and grievance against Charrlin on the ground that the “retaliation risk against me far outweighs any likely outcome of the grievance” (which would be nothing). She accepted the withdrawal without an dispute of my reasoning. Funny – she knows it’s true.

CAT II class was not as stupid as I expected today given that the reading assignment was about “victim-stance” (which is any Nebraskan’s favorite tactic.

“What’s the Matter with Nebraska: A Fable of Justice and Correction” – yes, I love that one. Or… “Myths of Justice and Correction”.

George Will wrote a scathing editorial on Mike Pence. Haha! I love it. “a lickspittle Republican” and is “horrifying” .

Fri, 11 May 2018 [225 + 505]

AT&T CEO says hiring Michael Cohen was a “serious mistake”. Haha. Horrible people being horrible and turning on each other. I hate AT&T for this and many more reasons and it’s great that they’re getting into a bit of trouble for thei bad behavior.

UCM Carroll helped call the mailroom and they took responsibility for writing the wrong name in the book to being with. Carroll is going to handle the correction of their mistake and getting me my book back. Asked her to thank the mailroom for lady for being honest and owning up to her mistake. Most Nebraskans won’t do that.

Returned “Republic”, which I read, and two World of Warcraft books, which I did not read, to the library.

Had to go to the “medical” unit and sign a refusal form about the urgent medical issue that I had the other night that they were too busy watching Netflix to stop for.

Relapse class was actually good – great discussion on “good times” and “bad times” of drug use and drug addition. Told Graham after class that it was a good class with a good discussion and thanked him.

I realized today why ICS refused to add TH’s number. I put down xxx (my old area code) instead of xxx (his area code).

Sat, 12 May 2018 [226 + 504]

Still jailed in the land of Sodom and Gomorrah (Nebraska) – inhospitable beyond understanding. Wishing a horrible pox on Susan Strong that sends “it” to Hell that much sooner.

Got a reply from AA Britten about the tort claim against UCW Charrlin. Will start working on that. Need to get a receipt for the player to attach to the claim.

Helped L work on his 7″ tablet. JPay sent him some instructions to hard reboot his table because of issues that he was experiencing.

Called DP. Told him about the “Weed vs Pills” documentary on CNN and the Masterpiece Mystery “Unforgotten” series (AMAZING!!). He told me the story about AD – that he had descended into full-blown schizophrenia and had drunk radiator fluid because a voice told him to. That’s awful – too bad this country is overwhelmingly hateful and unwilling to provider aid to people suffering with mental illness – the non-functioning ones they let roam the streets until they freeze to death or kill someone and the functioning ones, they give jobs in Nebraska. DP said he didn’t want to install the JPay stuff on his computer or phone. Can’t really blame him on that one.

Sun, 13 May 2018 [227 + 503]

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Will be calling this afternoon in case she’s out to breakfast with the others. Mr. Benjamin wrote “Call you mother’s today” on the whiteboard. He’s classy.

Started reading the Digital Electronics book and working on the circuit and truth tables exercises. They were good refresher from the Computer Architecture class I took as part of grad school prep. So far, so good.

UCW Jolly was here today. I asked her about the “religious” box question. She said she didn’t find out any answers. She repeated the one memo she found about discussions about removing the box from the canteen. I mentioned that one UCW had thought there had been a memo posted maybe a long time ago (before I was here). She said “Well, I’ve been here for 5yrs and it’s not been posted since I’ve been here”.

More endless discussions about drugs, drug-dealing and “pussy”. It makes me want to slam my head into the cement block. It is not that it tempts me to use; it’s that it’s frustrating to listen to the same stupid conversations over and over and over again. Plus the poor decision-making, lack of logic thinking, and all-around poor character (misogyny, homophobia, stealing, …) just makes my soul hurt and inspires wanting to choke some quality into them.

Dear Susan Strong, Ebola or Hemorrhagic Fever would be right for your and your family. Choking to death on your own internal rot and purification and (unwarranted) self-righteousness would be great karma. I would prove there really is justice left in the world.

Going to call mom for Mother’s Day and hope to answer some emails. Masterpiece’s Unforgotten tonight!

Mon, 14 May 2018 [228 + 502]

Brought up my write-ups from Charrlin and went over all my evidence. No one said a word; they moved on immediately. Damn, was hoping to start a long and ugly argument. Then a real half-wit read his life story blaming his 7 – 8 prison terms on everyone but himself and his plan after this number is to go to Las Vegas to get out of the bad environment – the whole large group starting laughing in unison.

CAT II was ridiculous as always. The Hazelton Foundation trying to out-manipulate a bunch of manipulators. “Victim Stance”. I gave an example of this “criminal and addictive behavior” by bringing up a person from current events who calls any questions of accountability for him a “witch-hunt”.

Talked to UCW Knife to collect additional proof that there is no rule about having non-religious stuff in the plastic totes.

Have individual session at 13:30.

JDLC pissed into his drinking cup and set it outside the door at count. UCM Carroll came by and asked “Is this piss in this cup?” JDLC acknowledged it. I know Nebraska is a backward state, but I think they should consider this one advance of civilization that’s been around for awhile now – it takes human waste away from where humans are habitating.

Felony theft guy from Nebraska sports fame gets only probation. Must be nice to get preferrable outcomes in the “justice” system because you’re right and famous. What do kind of justice do you call that, you whore and fake, Susan Strong. An actual crime where someone was deprived of liberty, or property, or an equal distribution of the primary goods of society, gets a slap on the write. In Nebraska, there’s a different set of principles for the wealthy and well-connected. [Editor’s Note: some Google-searching and this appears to be a Patrick Combs, convicted by a jury of stealing $113k from a wealthy elderly couple and an attempt at getting the rest of their $1.75M as well.]

Weird canteen officer, Pat, just stuck his head in our room. He just acted like an asshole – extremely unpleasant. He was probably hoping to catch someone half-undressed. He or someone else in the room brought up his part in last week’s atrocity, CharrlinNacht, and he started saying “I’m just following orders. I’m just getting business done.” I wanted to say “I’d be careful volunteering that info. It’s what the soldiers and government employees say after they’re caught committing atrocities. Although in Nebraska, it would be enough to exonerate them; whereas in civilized places, that’s not excuse. Instead I tried to be fake-nice and said “you guys have made some really good RTE meal selections for canteen recently.” He started getting super-pissy like I interrupted his pervert “stink eye” stare at the room, barking “write a kite to the boss….” He was so hateful and kept barking about that, so I just put my headphones on in the middle of his enraged monologue. Oh, actually when he first walked in and was bitching at JDLC and SP about something or other, I did suggest he was here to start the waterboarding at 6pm. I guess he could have been mad because of that, but didn’t seem like he’d even registered that he’d heard it.

Tried to take a nap earlier, but the room was having a super-loud conversation about SP’s possible homosexual tendencies. That’s the fourth most frequent topic of this room. #1 is doing drugs, #2 is “pussy” and #3 is drug-dealing.

Choke on your own phlegm and die, Susan Strong, you lying, unjust, self-righteous, corrupt whore.

Now they’re talking tricking doctor’s offices into prescribing “Lean” by saying their kids have a terrible cough at night that prevents sleep. For the love of God, help.

Tue, 15 May 2018 [229 + 501]

Had Relapse I class – it was OK. Watched a video that had a comedian who was an addict talking about addiction-related, relapse-oriented issues in the form of comedy. I had a crabby look on my face the whole time because I was otherwise pissed off, but it was actually a good video. God a third treatment plan from Allmendinger.

Had UDC after lunch. All charges were dismissed as they obviously should have been, but probably wouldn’t have been if not for it being heard by one of the only five decent Nebraskans in existence. UCM Carroll said the Parole Board doesn’t see any dismissed charges. We’ll see, I guess, since the tribal knowledge says they do see them. I submitted a form to get my property back.

Replied to JH’s letter about his friend that passed away from alcoholism.

Wed, 16 May 2018 [230 + 500]

Twenty-three scaramuccis down and fifty to go. Woohoo! August 24th is the next 10-step down of remaining scaramuccis. Need to call Burke Smith one more time. Decided to hold off on calling him to see if I can arrange to get the 401k and HSA money first. Not that he’s answering the phone anyway.

Community meeting is cancelled with no reason given. Might be because the staff meeting ran too long. Room is pondering if anyone has gotten kicked out.

Donald Trump is such a joke of a human being. He’s meeting with Uzbekistan president looking like an orange muppet and rambling like an idiot.

Need to start working on the next treatment plan. Two exercises on motivation. The treatment plan he is suggesting makes no sense, as most thing in Nebraska: designed for morons, by morons. This state is full of low-integrity degenerates, like Susan Strong. She screeches about Justice while dispensing preferential outcomes for the same/similar offenses to white/right-wingers and draconian punishments to black and liberals (as Nixon intended).

Wrote long letter to KP that included some text from my book. Mom emailed and said that B had written three times and not gotten a reply. I never got them. I sent mom and reply and B a test message. I’ll call one of the tomorrow and see if they got them.

Sent dad a Father’s day card, B a birthday card and sent TH a visitor request form.

Got books ready for dropping off at Property next week for mom to pick up.

Thu, 17 May 2018 [231 + 499]

Large group was a ridiculous and obnoxious pissing match between Graham and the usual suspects. The same old topics: prioritization of non-GED education and discontent with SAU program. Neither side actually listening to the other or meaningfully responding to what the other side actually said. Graham won’t just say, “You’re wrong. Group is not an endless bitch-fest for everything you don’t like about a prison treatment program. The answer is ‘no’ and if you want to appeal, contact Person X”. The other side doesn’t hear anything Graham says and just repeats the same complaints louder and more rapid-fire and keep including more people among those they claim to speak for. Their complaint is more than valid at its core, but by continuously bitching about it in Large Group, they’re just preaching to a captive audience and one impotent substance abuse counsellor and a self-avowed masturbator (ha).

CAT II ended a half-hour early for some unknown reason. My guess is that Graham wanted to use the time to report the large group behavior to Ms. Bless. Ms. Bless is quite possibly the dumbest and more ineffective communicator that I have met among the universe of adults with professional or para-professional jobs.

JDLC was just kicked out of the SAU program. He didn’t seem to be able to connect his antagonism of the staff, especially the ones known to be reasonable and those known to be part of the “kick ’em out first and ask questions later” He says they gave him no reason whatsoever, but just asked “you don’t know what you did?” Not sure if I believe that; if true, it’s wrong that they weren’t honest with him about him being a piece of shit. He should have been told why for this own improvement and as a growth/deterrence less for everyone else. My guess is that it’s about his barely-veiled threats on Charrlin and various yard officers that come by at 21:00 count. I don’t think violence ever solves a problem, whether the violence is conducted by an individual or the police state; but if I heard that that he and his homies beat the shit out of Charrlin on her front yard one day ten years hence, I wouldn’t weep. Of course there’s one person who I’d weep tears of joy for to hear they beat her and left her in a filthy alley. I hate that Nebraska’s hate-justice and violence has turned me into the kind of person who wishes for the suffering of another.

Pictures arrived from mom and dad. Wow – the house is looking awesome. More good news – they also sold their house, so that’s one thing less for us to worry about. She also sent the address for Optum and [employer], so I wrote to Optum to try and get my money from HSA account. I ran out of envelopes so I will have to wait on the letter to [employer] until next week.

Helped JF write a letter to the parole board to move his parole hearing up.

Bought an envelope from another inmate (a serious crime in Nebraska) and wrote the letter to [employer] as well. Will put out in the mail tomorrow.

It’s oddly quieter here tonight without Big Mouth. I do feel bad he got set back on his journey out of here. But… I probably won’t miss his noise and bullying behavior. I don’t think he ever did anything unpleasant to me directly, but his pointless provocation of the prison sociopaths and grooming of SP for who-knows-what were bothersome regardless.

Fri, 18 May 2018 [232 + 498]

Had early morning pass to have the birth certificate request notarized. Curtis Weiss (Administrator Weiss!) was doing the notary work, I assume. I just signed on my signature line and I guess he was going to do the notary part later. He couldn’t find the inmate check or envelope that I’d filled out and sent in on Monday.

Cpl. Kowalski returned my PHB finally. She failed to notice or return my plastic tote. She said she would follow up on it.

A joke from RT for the book: What’s twenty feet long and has two teeth? The front row of an NA meeting.

Finished the treatment plan item 3.1 and 3.2. Some good writing wasted on a stupid topic/exercise.

The bimonthly movie that came up this week was “Father Figures”. I’m not a fan. A couple of funny dialogue setts, but mostly a bunch of junk. Poorly developed characters and a series of not-funny and not-believable plot twists.

The devil Kelsey Charrlin is here tonight. I guess the rumors that she quit were just wishful thinking. I wonder if she’s related to the Whore of Lincoln.

Another school shooting – this time in Santa Fe, TX. NRA murders nine more children and one more teacher: no prison time. Recreational meth user with no death count: 16 1/2 months to go.

Sat, 19 May 2018 [233 + 497]

Woke up to the large Sgt. Briscoe staring at me and asking questions about hard-resetting a JPay tablet. He said stop over after I was awake if I thought I could help. I stopped over after breakfast of oatmeal and peanut butter and brushing my teeth. I showed the guy how to hard reset, but told him that really wasn’t his problem. He needed to get more software updates. He didn’t have any apps except the radio. That’s the same situation that I started with, so I shared my experience. JPay is an amateur-hour company (why be professional when your audience is captive and can’t communicate how shitty your treat your customers) and they haven’t updated their OOB image for a long time.

Cpl Briscoe is much more pleasant to have as the second-shift case worker. SP showed a picture of himself at 18-19ish – not bad. He had all his teeth back then. More talk about drugs – wouldn’t be a day in Nebraska without it.

More prison terms:

(1) “get stuck” intransitive vb. – while on some drugs, you start certain activities and are compelled to continue doing them endlessly or just aren’t able to change from it. Reminds me of that one story I read as a kid from the folktales book (I think) about the two farm couples visited by the gods. As a reward for hospitality, they were each given the gift that when they arose the next morning, whatever they started doing they would continue doing all day. The wise couple began collecting food (female) and counting money (male) and so they became prosperous. The foolish couple began shoveling slop (female) and beating his wife for wasting her gift on shoveling slop (male). Perhaps the gift of the gods was delivered through methamphetamine. Ha.

(2) swerve – n. someone who behaves obnoxiously or does unethical things for drugs. We had several words for those kind of people in OR, but not swerve.

(3) sketchy – adj. of, or doing depraved things for drugs. Had already heard of this one.

Sun, 20 May 2018 [234 + 496]

Having bad gas yesterday and so far today.

Fareed GPS was good as always. Instead of saying “Thank you for your service” to military or law enforcement (the latter which deserves nothing but spittle), I’m going to say it only to teachers. Thomas Friedman was on talking about the embassy move [Tel Aviv to Jerusalem] He made an observation that surprised me: Israel is courting only Republican and evangelical support and abandoning mainstream American Jews and even mainstream Americans. Wow, how crazy. They’re courting their support because they know they’ll help them the most, but because those nut jobs think helping Israel will bring on the Millennium (and thereby destroying the Jews). What a bunch of freaks – all of them.

Have I mentioned how miserable Nebraskans are before? Today around 14:15 it began pouring rain. The people outside ran toward the housing units to come in out of the rain. The unit staff on J3 would not let them inside. Supposedly, they called the lieutenant who said “no they can stand in the rain or go tot he gym”. Nebraskan humanity at its best.

On last night’s SNL – 86% of people arrested for marijuana use/possession are black or Hispanic. I think they were talking about New York, but not sure. Nebraska isn’t the only racist state with racist cops and judges.

Watched a documentary on Silas Fong’s family and home videos (Ali Kazimi). Americans were so crazed and undiscerning in their anger that Chinese wore buttons on clothing after Pearl Harbor identifying themselves as Chinese so dumb bumpkins wouldn’t kill them and ask questions later. Sad! (to quote a famous obese, orange, xenophobic bumpkin).

Watched conclusions of And Then There Were None and Little Women on Masterpiece. There is an upcoming MP called Man in the Orange Shirt about gay topics on June 17th at 8pm. I put that on my calendar to try and catch.

Mon, 21 May 2018 [235 + 495]

Large group went OK this week. One guy is graduating next week, so we talked a bit about that. Then we talked a bit about sponsorship. No big dramatic fights today.

Had an eye appointment right after. The “doctor” said my eyes look fine. [Edit] He asked about my glasses and I said I could last until I’m out of here. My glasses have some scratching but I would not trust him or Nebraska to change out my glasses.

CAT II was interesting. I made comments about how accusations of denial lack refutability, which he quickly moved past. Later the conversation moved to genetics and predisposition and I added some reasoning to what was turning into an inevitability of being an addict, so why not go for it. Finally, the ended with a story about a man who stopped his car to move a rattlesnake off the road. He grabbed it with one hand, got bitten and then switched to the other hand and got bitten there too. The topic was irrationality. I added “the real question is… how did that guy make it to 50 years old” and got a couple laughs.

Got an IIR reply from the Librarian Morton to the question about the plastic totes being for “religious” items and she said it comes from some book that inmates don’t have access to… hilarious!

In democracies, people get the representation they deserve. The USA deserve the Dumpster Fire Trump Susan Strong. Further both those two degenerates deserve to go to Hell. The Whore of Lincoln deserves a gross pus-filled pox before she crosses the River Styx.

[Insert: NDCS Inmate Calling System Standard Registration Form requesting addition of friend, TH. It’s signed by UCW Bonnett on 05/11/2018.]

The president is attacking the mayor of Oakland for warning her constituents about ICE raids. The major is Libby Shaaf. The nation’s dumbest Congressman, Steve King, sponsored a bill called Libby Shaaf Bill to punish local officials for interfering with immigration operations. [Editor’s Note: Steve King was not the dumbest Congressman; that was and remains Louie Gohmert]

Tue, 22 May 2018 [236 + 494]

Got up early (6am) because I had a lab appointment. Ate the shitty-ass breakfast (peanut butter toast, cream of slop, dry generic Captain Crunch mixed with generic version of Fruity Pebbles…. and the only reason that I went in – some pineapple juice.).

Release I was OK. I caught Mr. Graham actually editing some of the “criminal”-focused language out – to his credit. I was impressed with his humanity and good sense.

The smell of fire and brimstone on the unit heralds the arrival of Kelsey Charrlin, the devil’s handmaiden.

Talked to mom and dad. Work is progressing on the roof. They have contracted the brick work to some of dad’s friends. After roof is on, they’ll start looking at the septic/lagoon work and burying the water line.

Wed, 23 May 2018 [237 + 493]

Dropped five books, 22 magazines, and the plastic tote that Nebraskans have determined is only for religious items as established by them off at Property for mom to pick up. Sgt Pedrick was actually polite today – quelle surprise! Got canteen spending down to $51. Good, but want to get it down lower, like $30 to $40.

At community meeting, the dumb bitch, Bless, started the meeting out with some petty whining about people with drinks in the day room and not wearing undershirts or not having tucked-in their state rags-resembling-shirts into their state rags-resembling pants. Instead of talking to the people involved in transgressing her petty and childish rules, she flailed around with her hateful, ugly mug and unable to control her behavior for 3-4 minutes. Then she finally moved on with the purpose of the meeting. When one of the graduates, F, gave his graduation speech, he said the program was not very good and that the “material is dated and the program is no managed very well”. The room erupted in applause. Bless adopted an ever more hideous than usual mean-mug face/stance. The counsellors had either a slightly sour look or maintained a good poker face, but kept themselves composed until Frau Bless.

Skipped the “meat salad” lunch. “Meat salad” is not a salad with strips of sliced meats on top. It’s like a tuna or chicken salad, but they’re not sure enough about the genus of the predominant animal whose muscle, cartilage, or fur were ground into it to commit to its name on the label. It looks very similar to what cat’s puke up. Pass.

Took a nap after lunch of packaged beef stew from the canteen. Woke up to the return of the first phone update to add TH. They denied it because I had made a change in the last 90 days. Try again August 2. Nebraskans are miserable pieces of shit.

Things which were illegal not so long ago or that are still illegal, but have no victims: gambling, gay sex until 1992, oral sex between heterosexuals, suicides, non-coercive prostitution, drug use, heresy/witchcraft.

Former US Attorney for Southern District of NY and former NYC mayor Rudy Guiliani on truth: “truth is relative” and so an interview with a prosecutor is a perjury trap. Nebraska treats truth the same way. The cop Brabec and the judge, Susan “Baal” Strong, both felt it was OK for them to treat the truth as mutable.

Thu, 24 May 2018 [238 + 492]

Large group was interesting. We talked about the crazy and ridiculous stupidity spat out by SAU’s own Dumpster Fire: Ms. Bless, at Wednesday’s community meeting. One of the guys said it was a challenge for him to stay quiet about it while she berated the whole “community” instead of focusing her pettiness directly at the offenders. She was using abusive language and mean-mugging like a child. Then making threats of forcing people to restart the program from the beginning because they gave some well-earned criticism of the program.

CAT II was the same assault on good sense that it always has been. Near the end Fallin tried to hold up Mike Pence as a paragon of accountability because he doesn’t eat meals with women other than his wife. I tried to keep my mouth shut but Graham pulled it out of me that Pence is a fraud – he used campaign money to pay his personal mortgage. It was less of a bomb than I thought. Graham, to his credit, turned it into an example of a “good person stance”. Could Graham secretly be a good person? I guess I could understand why he’d have to try hard to keep it secret working and living in Nebraska.

Been feeling a little depressed today even though mom will be here tomorrow. I guess because I know I will just be back to being alone here in Gomorrah after she leaves on Sunday. I need to just be happy for the three days I have.

Dumpster Fire Trump cancelled the US-NK summit. Who could have seen that coming except for everyone but Trump supporters.

Fri, 25 May 2018 [239 + 491]

Awoken at 6am for a drug test – it was supposed to be the new mouth swab kind of test for seven of us. For some reason G, didn’t have to do one – maybe he’d had on recently. Four of them passed their mouth swabs, but for three of us, the test failed to yield any result, so we had to accept our rape and then fill the plastic cup.

Harvey Weinstein reports to jail/court this morning. Out by lunch – good candidate for my book theme. I’m thinking now the title should be Tale of Two Justice Systems.

So hungry right now. I think part of it is just anticipation of semi-decent food from the visiting room. Can’t wait for the visit with mom, though. Lots of stuff to catch up on and plans for the [project].

Good visit with mom. Talked a lot about the project and family stuff.

Went to bed really early last night – 9pm; was tired.

Sat, 26 May 2018 [240 + 490]

24 scaramuccis down. 49 scaramuccis to go! Michael Smerconish says he believe drugs and prostitution should be legalized. Smart guy! Recovering Republican.

Good visit with mom; although the asshole Nebraskans caused us to miss the first 45 minutes because they were lying to each of us (me and mom) telling us the other wasn’t here or ready yet. Talked more about the project and plans. They have lots of good ideas about marketing and …. [redacted].

I also thought I would check with JG to see if he would be willing to come out and do some of the technology preparation stuff. She liked that idea and said she would pay him for his time and gas and make some goodies for he and DP.

Hurricane season started already with Hurricane Alberto. Mom said they are supposed to be getting some rain from that this weekend.

Sun, 27 May 2018 [241 + 489]

Had a good visit with mom. Was hard to see her go today. She was going to try and drive straight home. She talked a bit about her retirement plans and we had some more ideas about the project. I will still try and get ahold of JG to see if he is interested in helping.

After I was back in the room, it was time for count. I was kind of tired and I thought I’d take a nap. After about 20 minutes or so I woke up to the smell of smoke. I didn’t see who it was personally. I said something snarky like “I thought we weren’t doing that shit (K2) in the room”. AR was the only one to respond and said something like “the first is out now”. It didn’t matter; the room was already filled with smoke and drugs. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was so incensed that I couldn’t.

I heard from AR and RT later that it was JF who was smoking it. The same JF who made a big, apparently false, show about how he cared for his mother getting breast cancer and getting custody of his daughter and how he wasn’t going to “fuck up” again so he could get out and be some help to them. He’s just full of shit – he cares about himself only. He also care naught for the rest of the room who these troglodyte Nebraskans would have given us the same punishment as him because it’s easier than figuring out who is really at fault. I blame dumbass SP too; he was the one that bought the drugs yesterday, but at least he went and smoked them in the bathroom last night out of the room.

A guy name Paul Schrade was on CNN just now talking about the RFK assassination. Paul was struck by a bullet from Sirhan Sirhan, but said it was not possible for him to have killed RFK. He said that prosecutors have the evidence that there was a second gunman there, but are not releasing it. RKF Jr is also supporting this theory. Read a teaser for CNN’s “1968” special series.

New roomie, BP, is here for a fifth DUI for 5-x years.

Mon, 28 May 2018 [242 +488]

Memorial Day.

Woke up to another day of smoking drugs in the room – G and JF. I sat up and said “Are we smoking int he room every day now?” G pretended like I’d said nothing and JF walked out of the room. He came back in a few minutes later and started whispering to him about smoke smells in the bathroom and some other things I couldn’t hear. AR woke up too and was pissy to them too – saying “You all are selfish. You all are some stupid mother-fuckers and slammed the door a few times”.

The Trump administration loses 1500 immigrant children when they arrested their parents. Further, they assert that they have no legal obligation to find them.

Got called to the library – 3 of my books came in “Theories of Justice” (Brian M Barry), “Algorithms+ Data Structures = Programs” (Wirth)” and “Sober for Good” (Fletcher).

Watched Amanpour on PBS for an interview of the irascible Glenda Jackson. She was an actor and former(?) member of parliament that did an anti-tribute to Margaret Thatcher. She said that everything she learned was a vice in childhood: greed, self-centeredness was turned into a virtue during the Thatcher reign. Very true and at the same could be said about the US’s male version – Reagan (~Gordon Gecko).

New ideas for book title: Diseased State: Nebraska and some kind of sub-title like Philosophizing on Addiction, So-Called Justice, and the Prison State. Maybe something about “platinum justice”. First-class justice vs. third-class justice.

Supposedly some good good for Memorial Day. I will be the judge of that myself. Surprisingly it was good. Bacon double cheeseburger, baked beans, coleslaw, Cool Ranch Doritos, cut carrots and cucumbers, and a Jello cake. The question now is if they can (have the capability of) making a decent and hygienic meal, why only on select holidays do we get one.

Wrote letters to PD and K&C thanking them for the birthday cards and letters. Also talked to DP about asking JG if he might be willing to do some of the computer setup work the [project] when they’re ready. For pay. Emailed that to Mom since I’d use the minutes for today. Wrote an IIR to Allmendinger about 1:1 and special topic.

Hot roommate disclosed that he is bisexual. Yum. Too bad this is prison.. and I’m too old for him.

The conclusion to CNNs 1968 is tonight. This week I want to finish the letter to the Nebraska Innocence Project.

Also got the books I’d been waiting for from the library. (1) Theories of Justice… nevermind, I already wrote that in the journal. “Trying to do too much”. Haha

Prison glossary:

(1) “trying to do too much” (as when CO looks too hard to find a violation)

(2) “Is that all you, girl” (has a big ass, … in a good way)

(3) “chopping it up” – having an intense personal conversation with

(4) “swamp ass” – lol

Tue, 29 May 2018 [243 + 487]

Back to the grind after 3-day weekend. hahahah. I’ve come to hate weekends – no mail, nothing to do.

Relapse class was non-eventful. Starting reading the “Theories of Justice” book. Looks like it will be a challenging read. Good.

Wed, 30 May 2018 [244 + 486]

Signed up for an MCC class for summer: either “Employment Skills” or “Keyboarding”. Won’t know for sure which I get until later. Confirmed with Cpl. Shademan that you won’t get sent to WEC if I am in an MCC class. The summer class is June 6 to August 15 and then I can immediately sign up for a fall class.

Room drama: SP called JDLC a “bitch” through the window. The drama-stirrers built it up into a big issue so they may have a fight. I suggested to him that he remember what’s important: going home. We’ll see what happens.

Seems like SP and JDLC worked out their issue without a fight: smart. That way they’re not both bitches to the State of Nebraska longer than they have to be. Nebraska stirs the conflict because having inmates is profitable to them and to all the parasitic prison-adjacent industries (the ones that sell over-priced garbage to us captives and the ones that ones that use prison labor for almost nothing).

Finished marking up [project] plans with CTV, Wifi locations, wired-Ethernet, and phone outlets and put it back in the mail to mom.

RT asked me to call him CT instead since he saw I wasn’t going to call him by his prison name, S. Then after lunch when we were alone in the room, he asks “Do you think I’m attractive?” I was like “yeah” and then said “why did you ask that” and never really got an answer. I’m not sure if he asked because he thought I was acting weird around him for some other reason. Then I told him the story of how awkward things got in J3B when my roomies told BZ that I thought he was hot. RT is quite a hottie and funny w good personality. MMMM…..

Joined with JT, SP, and G to have rice and chicken for dinner. Started reading the “Sober for Good” book too – between updates on Roseanne’s new drama on CNN.

Thu, 31 May 2018 [245 + 485]

Read the assignment on motivation in Large Group. Went over fine.

Umm… “Craig says when we’re alone “Is it wrong that I want you?” I didn’t think I heard him right the first two times. It was kind of awkward because I was excited and wanted to jump up on top bunk with him and get under the covers with him. LOL. I said something like, “I want you too, but what can come of it here”. He said “yeah” and then silence for a bit, then I said “are you messing with me?” He said “no, definitely not.” Omg, he’s so adorable. I think I said that out-loud too. Crazy universe. And Cruel.