Prison Journal: March 2018

[Editor’s Note: Featured image is of Michael J Dermody, Corporal at Nebraska Prison System. He’s a sadist and a rapist of prisoners. Take a look at his Facebook posts (several of them reproduced in these journal entries) to give you an idea about his psychological disposition.]

Fri, 2 Mar 2018 [155 + 575]

Woke up by new bunkie, J, slamming his locker door and throwing his chair around the room. Then we all had to empty our lockers because [the police] are adding shelves to them.

The Trump dumpster fire is in full blaze. Cohn and McMaster are rumored on the way out. Ivanka under FBI investigation. More crazy tweets.

Had orientation yesterday afternoon. Glad this shit-show is moving along finally. Thiel is my primary counsellor and have classes M, T, Th, F at 705 and 805. Have to write a “life story” as the first assignment. Have appointment with counsellor on Friday, 03/09/2018.

Reentry at NDCS is bullshit. They haven’t met a single commitment in five months and admitted they falsity records. I am writing them off. I’ll find some other resources for what happens after the concentration camp; if I even leave here not as a bag of ash.

[Insert: handwritten task list]

Tried to call Jeremy twice – once at 1317 and again at 1528. Little weasel is probably avoiding my calls. Will try again on Monday.

Sat, 3 Mar 2018 [156 + 574]

Slept until almost noon and missed lunch. That’ll probably raise my life expectancy. Read “4 Major Revolutions of Though” in the World Heritage book. I had an idea in my long sleep about writing a book about Trump taking over the USA and turning it into a puppet Soviet state. Needs a lot of work for a plot. I wrote only an introduction, but might have potential.

Had a fleeting feeling of hope on the way to dinner – not sure what it came from or where it went to, but it’s gone now. It came after thinking this week, I’d start the phase that is now that is less than six months to the end (SAU) and then I can move to the final phase: work release. It probably rose from a discussion with AR about buying a CD-player or an MP3 player. AR questioned whether it was worth my investing in a music device given I would be in work release and could get any music device I wanted and this expenditure would be a waste. He couldn’t know what little reason I need to spend money and the few other things I enjoy more than devices and toys. But I liked his enthusiasm about the light at the end of this Nazi tunnel.

Have to write a “life history” for SAU. Started thinking about how to start that. First few attempts at an outline and concept devolved quickly into passive aggressive snark about the rotten souls of Nebraskans. Need to hide that… or at least pack it more subtlety into the story.

CNN found audio of Trump saying he might give “president for life” a try. Hopefully next week puts another nail in the coffin of his tragic presidency. Jared fired McMaster and Cohn resigning and maybe Tillerson resigning too.

Called DP earlier today. Not much news from him. Continued antagonism between the roomies here with the new roomie – J. He is kind of a bull in a China shop, but he reminds me of my brother a bit in physical features. He snores like a god damn freight train and shits on himself continuously.

Sun, 4 Mar 2018 [159 + 573]

Wrote a letter to HR last night. Need to write a few more today and start on that life history.

Condoleeza Rice on Fareed GPS. How can a smart, educated person be so damn stupid? The only negative thing she can see in Dumpster Fire Trump is his language is less than ideal. Everything else is fine. WTF?!?!

Chicken patty and tater-tots for dinner. Lettuce and carrot salad that WAS NOT ROTTEN!

Talked to mom and dad. They haven’t been able to start on foundation yet, but they think this week will be dry enough. D and B will be visiting K & C this week. Not much else new going on there. No word yet about withdrawing/closing my 401k.

Wrote my life history (11 pages), so at least that crap is done.

Mon, 5 Mar 2018 [158 + 572]

Had first small group class and recovery class. Seems like they’ll be pretty low key, but a lot of bullshit to put up with. In the recovery class Facilitator Graham (former alcoholic) described substance use as “not wanting to live life on life’s terms” (either as escapism or pleasure-seeking). Does that mean religion, Viagra, cigarettes, refined sugar should also be outlawed and users of those caged like farm animals? He also said seboxyn (sp?) was used to treat meth addiction. He is also a terrible speller (I say as I guess at the spelling of words… but he was misspelling basic shit). However, he seems like he will be a good facilitator. His arguments are very weak, but what other kind of arguments could you have when you’re supporting an evil cause. He seems more focused on helping with people who really have substance use disorders, so hopefully he sticks with that and not the corrupt purpose of the state. He lets people talk without judgment and invites inclusion in a two-way conversation. Have homework in the recovery class.

Stuck with a nasty-ass roommate. Was taking a nap around lunchtime and woke up to him pissing into a plastic cup. JDLC yelled at him to wait for the bathroom, but he kept going. After count I talked to UCM Carroll. She said she would “address it”.

Did the first homework for the “Recovery” class. I’m worried a bit that my answers won’t match the level of absolution destitution or horror-show they’re wanting to see. Need to ask the primary counsellor whether there are required answers that have to be given to get out of here.

Wrote to Jeremy to ask him for the bankruptcy attorney suggestions and to see if he could send me a copy of my resume from the packet I prepared for the judge pre-sentence.

Tue, 6 Mar 2018 [159 + 571]

Criminal and Addictive Thinking is going to be the worst. Logorrhea and an extreme form of anti-intellectual thinking. Help! May she who shall not be named die a miserable, pox-ridden death.

Created orders for headphones, CD-player, and a workout shirt and pants. Need to turn in my DEC headphones and radio first – going to do that tomorrow at Open Property.

Went to the library and submitted an interlibrary book loan request for any book on lambda calculus. They charge $2 to do the search. They process them between the 10th and 15th of each month.

The unit case manager talked to bunkmate J about pissing in the room. He’s so nasty. Apparently she also checked to make sure that he’s taking his anti-psychotic medication, which he told us he’d been cut off of by Medical because he was caught selling his pills. Brilliant logic by State of Nebraska! These are some Forest Gump level geniuses. Who knows if he’s telling the truth; but then the only ones here that lie more than an inmate is the staff.

Last night SP took someone’s blood pressure pills hoping he’d get high from it. There are some dumb bastards in here.

Wed, 7 Mar 2019 [160 + 570]

Turned in DEC headphones and radio. Turned in the three direct order forms. Replied to Reentry kite. They sent a reply yesterday saying that the person I had been talking to about help getting back to a professional job no longer works at the prison. Thus I will need to reexplain the entire series of threads to new person. I worked for a large Fortune 100 company for 26 years and so I have the patience (or more likely spite) to be even more persistent in the face of endless roadblocks. I can’t imagine how anyone without that training in obnoxiousness and laziness of roadblock-people navigates this system. No wonder there are some many people here wandering around resigned to so much inhumanity. They don’t have the fortitude or vocabulary for challenging the onslaught of stupid and belligerent that the badged-criminals put up.

Sent an IIR to Canteen yesterday asking for the address of the CD catalog provider. There was no one in the gym to ask.

Lazy bunkie keeps moving our trash can next to me so I have to breathe in the trash smell and disease from the trash can. I keep moving it back under the desk and away from the bed. He threatened to “smash my ass” over it. I think he’s also pissed that we keep making fun of how trashy that he is, i.e. pissing in plasticware in/around his locker.

They announced today that three people in prison have Influenza B.

R found me a CD order book. Found about 8 from the catalog and a list of a couple more I’m going to ask the special order guy about. R said he was in the gym on Tu and Th before 10am.

Thu, 8 Mar 2018 [161 + 569]

Small group was boring as shit again. Watched 1/3 of “Bill W” in Recovery class. Went to the gym to try and find out about buying CDs. The officer said to see the address on the back of the direct order book to buy a catalog. There is no one in the gym that helps with direct orders anymore.

Saw RR on the way back and ended up walking with him around the track for 45 minutes. Talked about old DEC people and our work-release plans.

Stopped at the library and filled out an inter-library loan request for “Anti-Intellectualism in American Life” by Richard Hofstadter (1963). Paid $2 for the request.

Nasty spaghetti, mixed/slop for lunch and cold, shitty-as-usual breakfast burritos and rotten lettuce for dinner.

Fri, 9 Mar 2018 [162 + 568]

Had “CAT I” at 805. Watched a video from a series that seemed to be oriented toward real criminals (not political/morals “criminals”). She handed out a hand-out that I guess we were supposed to fill out while simultaneously watching the movie. I can’t write and listen to multi-media at the same time to find gotcha-question answers. So I hurriedly wrote some stuff as she was collecting the others’ papers.

Met with Counsellor Thiel – he seems to be reasonable and helpful. He said that non-higher power/unmanageability treatment options are available. Good news. He will only be here for another month, though; hopefully his replacement is as good. He approved my life history for reading in the small group. He gave me a treatment plan with three universally-included items (some ASI inventory, a drug/alcohol history and 5 strengths/issues). I completed the last two and turned in to him. The first item we’ll do when the replacement joins us. Then we make an individualized treatment plan. I feel bad because I think he was trying to tell me something about himself and being gay and maybe something about a partner, and I didn’t care and kept the conversation moving forward on the topic. In another world I would have appreciated the gesture of sharing and been interested to hear his story about this partner, but I am in Hell and there is no room for compassion here.

Wrote to Weird Harolds to ask about a Broadway/Classical and Portishead CD catalog or specific CD ordering information.

Got a letter from KP. She sent some information about the Innocence Project. I think I need to take that suggestion and write a letter to the Nebraska Innocence Project. I am feeling a bit encouraged by the idea. It was nice to hear her say also that it is ridiculous for this sentence – and she’s been a prosecutor for 17 years.

By the way, it looks like the prison is opening my “legal” mail before it comes to me. Need to research if that is allowed. Guess it doesn’t matter: rules and laws are just for the little people. If you have more weapons and capacity for violence than the other person, you win and Nebraskans are definitely pro violence.

Sat, 10 Mar 2018 [163 + 567]

Feeling: down, exhausted. Slept away half of today yay! Only half a day more to go. Room was shaken down by a new officer (from CCCO). Ate room-made burrito for lunch. Was good, but my paranoia about next-day food that’s not refrigerated means I will throw the second one away. No one around to give it to. I don’t know how people can put a burrito with meat and beans and cheese in their locker overnight and eat it a day later. I can’t even eat it if it was four later. Dinner was a baked potato and extra-oily chicken-ish grease ball. The potato was decent

Betelgeuse was on earlier – 30 anniversary. Can’t believe it’s been 30 years since that piece of shit came out. Not really – I liked it. Beauty and the Beast was on Free Form. I love it! My third favorite musical. First: Wicked and 2nd: Les Mis.

Sun, 11 Mar 2018 [164 + 566]

Woke up around 830ish with UCW Benjamin waking my bunkie up for a PHO hearing. He was written up for not tucking in his shirt in the kitchen line by Rapist Dermody (featured image). He’s discussing ways to beat it with other roomies.

Got the response to my grievance on UCW Charrlin. It said “disciplinary action and misconduct reports are a non-grievable issue. However, the MRs that you are referencing (#8UZ6 and 8UYJ) were both dismissed. Your concerns about staff are noted. GR2018-2170. Shared with UCW Benjamin – he got a kick out of the grievance. It’s funny how they hyper-focus on one part of your grievance that they are very good at using as a smoke-screen to avoid the central issue. My grievance was about sadism, mental illness, and vindictive policing on the part of UCW Charrlin. They picked an ancillary sentence: about misconduct reports that she wrote out of anger on a person she well-knew was not present during the “swearing” episode. I was not grieving the fact that I received the misconduct report; it was evidence of her behavior, but that was enough for them to discard the whole grievance and wash their hands.

Called mom and dad – they got the plot for the house grazed off today – right before it started raining. No work on HSA or 401k checks. Mom is out of town this week. She might send me a book on building greenhouses to read for us to plan with.

Submitted canteen order for this week. Submitted refill for [medicine]. Shaved and showered. Ate dinner in the room – JT made fried rice. I need to learn how to make that – it’s good stuff.

Mon, 12 Mar 2018 [165 + 565]

JDLC, SP, and J kept the room up until about 3am with full-volume conversations about various stupid shit. Had class at 705am and read my life history. It was a bit anti-climactic; glad it’s over. There was a weird argument between the group leader and the facilitator Graham. He told Graham that he needed to talk less so we had a chance to talk more. It was awkward. He might have had a good point, but it was lost in the caustic and abrasive over-reaction.

Submitted an IIR to McCluskey for a job assignment.

Hilarious episode of the ‘The Middle’ – the parents create the “Wheel of Pain” to pick punished for one of the kids even though all of them were guilty in order to split them and force a confession. On the possibility she was caving, Mike says “Why did we do this then?” Frankie says “because we can’t hit them”.

Tue, 13 Mar 2018 [166 + 564]

Has 805 Criminal and Addictive Thinking class; what an irritating class. It is clearly designed for drooling degenerate criminals with no impulse control. It’s a challenge to not start banging my head against the cement block. I entertain myself by thinking to myself examples of the President’s and State of Nebraska’s behaviors that match their criminal and animal(?) behavior when she asks for examples.

Wrote a letter to mom. Asked for some books: (1) how to build a greenhouse, (2) lambdas in Java, (3) C++ for Java Programmers, (4) Android Programming, and (5) JNI.

Wed, 14 Mar 2018 [167 + 563]

Canteen day. Thought of an idea for our small group poster that was inspired by our president: a dumpster fire. I drew up a dumpster fire with alcohol bottles and a meth pipe and the head of Donald Trump and a blazing fire and then a road leading to pearly gates that says “Recovery” and a few people walking toward it. I showed it to the guy in our group coordinating the poster. He liked it except for the Donald Trump head in the dumpster.

Students across the country walking out of schools to protest the lack of adults in the country. Hopefully they shame some people to action, but I doubt it will.

Lasagna for dinner might have been good but not cold as hell. The bread however was definitely moldy. This place is shit – literally a prison meal of moldy bread and water. Nebraska taxpayers continue to be bilked by Corporal Dermody leaning against the corner of the beverage island, heals dug in, toes up – his only function apparently telling people to tuck their poorly-fitting shirts into their pants – a form of Sisyphean torture.

Got a reply from Jeremy; turns out he came through for me at least one time. [Editor’s note: turns out not to be true in a future entry]. He found me a bankruptcy attorney and sent me a copy of my resume. The bankruptcy attorney is Burke Smith of B.S. Law. I wrote him a letter asking if he could file my bankruptcy and to let me know how much. Made a list of things to try and collect for it (maybe 2017 tax info).

Watch Mel Brooks movies when I get out: Young Frankenstein, History of the World, Silent Movie, Blazing Saddles, (Hitler movie?).

Thu, 15 Mar 2018 [168 + 562]

Feeling pretty depressed today. Went to small group at 705am. We only talked about one guy’s life history, which involved the death of his friend while he was drunk driving. Coincidentally, he’s the one that got 3-5 years compared to my 4-6 years for private consensual drugs. 3-5 for ending a human life; 4-6 for private recreation in my own home. Those are some Nebraska values in practice right there, huh, Susan Strong, you whore. Anyway, his story was pretty sad – got to be hard to be in prison and have to deal with grief over killing one of your friends.

We watched the end of the ‘Bill W’ movie. James Wood is an asshole – even in the characters he plays. When it got to discussion time, I asked if there wasn’t an aspect of AA that is just “replacement” of one activity for another. He didn’t bite – he changed the question to “are there other programs” and answered that instead of my question. God I hate this place.

Slept the rest of the day for the most part. Roomies fighting over stupid shit all day. JDLC makes fun of J because he’s very overweight and still eats like a goddamn horse and stares anyone down when they have food or open a chip bag and starts a conversation about the person’s food with big puppy dog eyes hoping for an invitation to join them in eating their food. BR and AR fighting about something – I don’t even know what. In the course of the argument, BR called AR a ‘bitch’, which in prison is the most serious breach of social contract you can do with words alone – one that requires a violent response. AR did not respond – thankfully.

Got a reply from Reentry on resources for returning to a professional career. She referred me to a company called Reconnect 2 Success. I filled out the client portion of the application, attached my resume, and sent back to Reentry.

Sent a reply letter to JH.

Fri, 16 Mar 2018 [169 + 561]

Reaching the end of my patience with my bunkmate. He’s a gross piece of shit and he doesn’t care how noisy and disruptive he is while other people are sleeping. But he certainly gets pissy when he is slightly disrespected. Strangely, dumbass SP alone came to his aid when the rest of the room is calling him out saying “all this conflict is upsetting his sense of calm.” Like his sense of calm is important enough that the rest of us should suffer disruptions to our sleep to maintain. Porky was high on K2 and twerking and the real irritation is playing obnoxious music on headphones in speaker mode and singing along with it. Calling it singing is too generous.

Need to get out of this shithole. Have to remind myself that the real enemy of peace and justice is the State of Nebraska. These people are all experiencing the stress of being packing eight people into a room that is only big enough for one. I’m starting to get drawn into the various third-grade drama too frequently.

This morning in Criminal/Addictive Thinking I, we watched another stupid video designed for actual criminals as opposed to drug users in order to belittle us by the comparison. We ended class with an exercise of creating a “thinking report”. For mine, I did it on DJT: >> Event/Fact: “Watched president on CNN” / Thoughts: “This man is a total moron and makes me mad to think about how much he’s shamed us” / Feelings: Annoyed, worried / Behavior/Action: “yelled out an expletive about him in the cell” / Core belief: “A president should be of good character and measured speech” / Alternative thoughts: “Maybe he’s doing the best he can with his capabilities” / Alternative behaviors: “Write it in my journal instead of yelling” << Of course, I made up the ‘yelling’ behavior in order to complete the exercise. The instructor (Abbie) read it. I figured she might make me do a less inflammatory one, but she said nothing except “ok, good”.

My headphones came in, but not the CD-player or clothes.

Bunkmate makes set of oddly specific death threats: (1) after he gets out of prison, he is going to “rent an airplane and drop a few bombs on the place”; then a couple of minutes later, (2) maybe he will send letters with Anthrax to the his enemies here. “I feel sorry for the mailroom people,” he said. I think the Nebraskans can, unfortunately, rest easy, because he is far too lazy to implement anything requiring that much effort.

Sat, 17 Mar 2018 [170 + 560]

17 scaramuccis down, 56 to go. Last night bunkmate was threatening violence against unknown victims in his sleep. Need to let the staff know, I think about the terroristic threats yesterday. Not because I care about terrorism between him and terrorist-Nebraskans, but to get him away from the room.

Slept until 11am count. Great – day is half-way done already. Watched the end of an interesting movie, “Flight of the Doves”. It was an Irish-ish flick about two orphan kids trying to get to their grandmother. TCM played it in honor of St. Patrick’s Day.

Stephen Hawking died yesterday. Watched a few documentaries on him on Discovery and NET. I had read “A Briefer History of Time” in the library here. I need to read the original. He had a wife and two kids; the first wife eventually couldn’t deal with his health issues and life in the public eye. His second wife, one of his nurses, also couldn’t deal with the public eye – also an accusation that she was abusing him physically. I also learned that he was the one who unified quantum mechanics, Newtonian gravity, and thermodynamics by finding that black holes radiate energy and thus eventually die. Work = Force * distance = m?? = Delta-w kinetic energy?

Talked to DP. The first thing he brought up was that TF had asked about writing and wanted my address. I said it was OK to give it to him; although I’d just as soon that he didn’t write. He also said that J was working with him at the [employer] as their cook.

Started reading “Twelve Greatest Philosophies” Looks like it will be a good book. So many good books and not enough time. haha. I want to get a book on physics (work, electronics, quantum mechanics, simple machines, etc), electronics, machine languages, “A Brief History of Time” and Jim Comey’s new book.

Started working on my own philosophy of criminal justice. Crimes are modeled into three groups by source/justification: (1) crimes against humanity (crimes that deny our essential humanity, like deprivations of life and liberty), (2) crimes against civilization (crimes that detract from our ability to live together in large numbers), and (3) crimes of arbitrary morality/religious tents (crimes with no victims, crimes made up by bullshit artists, control freaks, “good Christian soldiers for the Lord” and other charlatans. (What was one quote about religion being created when the first fool met the first crook?).

Example of crimes of arbitrary morals: (a) crimes against principle sex only between a man and woman who are married (adultery, non-coercive prostitution, homosexual marriage, polygamy); (b) crimes against state-approved religions (e.g. heresy, witchcraft); (c) crimes related to non-physically addictive drugs (e.g. drug possession, sale, manufacture of weed, meth, LSD); (d) crimes related to physically addictive drugs (e.g. nicotine, alcohol, heroin/opioids; (e) crimes of sex being only for procreation (sodomy, elder-sex, homosexual sex, sex between sterile people, birth control), (f) thought crimes (pornography, political dissent)

Would like to keep working on this model, but what would be the purpose? what would make it interesting/useful to anyone else? Is there already such a similar model or better model?

Sun, 18 Mar 2018 [171 + 559]

Slept until 1130am – good, another half day. Called mom and dad. They had exciting updates on the house. They have the foundation scraped out and just finished in time for more rain today. They are ready for setting blocks when it is dry again. Two weeks and they’ll have some west coast visitors (J&M) and I think G&D too. No word from bank or Optum on my 401k or HSA money. Mom will call on Monday to check on them. Mom asked again about the May visit. I promised to find the answer by the next phone call.

Saw the most scammy commercial I’ve ever seen on TV before: Miracle Water (peterpopoff.org). No surprise that I would see such a thing in Nebraska.

We had sloppy joes for lunch. I ate one bite and had taken the second bite when I was setting the burger down on my plate, I saw a huge gob of mold in the center. I spit out the bite I had still in my mouth. The soup also had a rotten taste to it, so threw the whole goddamn tray in the dishes. Burn in Hell, Susan Strong, you in-bred Nebraskan.

Mon, 19 Mar 2018 [172 + 558]

Forgot to write about being assaulted last Thursday at like 530am by a brownshirt guard with a piss fetish. I never heard back from him if he enjoyed it or not – guess that’s good news.

Someone did a reading about Fear in small group. He mentioned fear about asking for help and fear talking to his parents because they didn’t understand his addiction. A few people said some things that were kind of off-topic in my opinion. One of them turned to me to try and force a contribution. I said fear is a valuable tool. Anthropologically it told us we needed to make a flight or fight decision. In modern times, it might be telling us we need more preparation. If you fear a public speaking event, you might need to prepare more (make note cards, practice on a safe audience); if you fear a phone call, also make note cards, or write a letter. The group leader said “you nerd”. A few more exchanges before the conversation devolved into a gripe about the newest generation being disrespectful and the world being a cesspool, unlike the rest of human history which was peaceful and totally respectful.

Watched a video and had discussion on spirituality in the Recovery class. The video was kind of unscientific as was the discussion. They said it’s not about a religion, but it certainly seems like it is still a religious centerpiece, just using generic names. The woman on the tape was basically describing an imaginary friend. The people in the video kept saying “leave it to my higher power” about anything that they didn’t want to have to work to solve themselves. Are we trying to culturally remove our ability to deal with adversity by assigning the work and responsibility to a “higher power” or is that what we’ve always done.

Got some answers from UCM Carroll about visits (special visits each month), job assignment (check with Shademan) and work release (she said send an IIR to CCCO).

The media kiosks were online today. Setup password, requested transfer of money from inmate account ($200) and sent email invites to mom, dad, and KP.

Hot new CO here today… I like…. yummmmmm.

Tue, 20 Mar 2018 [173 + 557]

Called mom to let her know about the visit rule (can do one special visit each month). She said she already asked for time off for Fri – Sun before Memorial Day weekend. Need to submit special visit requests. Got a couple books from her from Amazon. (Java Lambdas and Embedded Programming on Android). Got a letter from B & K.

Wed, 21 Mar 2018 [174 + 556]

Got a pass for a doughnut at 9am from the SAU staff. CD player and clothes came in at canteen today. Started new job yesterday – laundry cart sorter.

Forget the biggest news of all from yesterday – Bunkie J got kicked out of SAU and therefore our room for mental health issues. Hopefully he does get some help (it certainly won’t get it in Nebraska) and hopefully we don’t get anyone worse than him – seems not possible; but every day in Nebraska brings new depths.

Ordered a 7″ table ($129), but it said it could take up for 45 days. That’s ridiculous.

A bunch of people left SAU today (graduated).

Roommates made some good fried rice for afternoon meal (skipped lunch and probably dinner). After 4pm count, SP was rubbing JDLC’s feet and CO Kowalski saw it and said it was weird. Then UCM Carroll came through and commented on it. (Her partner is a big girl who works over at CCCO apparently). She said “I’m gay and even I think that is weird – in a prison anyway.” It wasn’t really that weird, but probably more of a security issue after those two if it got around.

Finished the chapter on political philosophy in “Philosophy Made Simple”. Started the Logic chapter.

No mail today – well, as far as I know. The mail process is as ridiculous as all the others here. Like the rule that says you can’t use the “religious box” for making friend rice. Why? What if it’s religious rice or eating friend rice is part of the practice of my religion? Is it an institutional or inmate safety issue… no. Is it a hygiene issue? nah, they sort of lack any credibility on food hygiene. Religious mumbo-jumbo reason? Maybe. Pettiness? Definitely. Thanks in-bred Nebraska Judge Susan Strong.

Thu, 22 Mar 2018 [175 + 555]

Small group was mostly about how parole is a trap. It’s designed to torture you by requiring you to stay sober under intense stress (narrow swim lanes, significant expenses (transfers of personal wealth to the state that profits from your situation), and significant time-intensive and geographically-disparate program requirements). Ankle monitors (sometimes on each leg) that cost $12/day and that prevent you from wearing or coming into contact with cologne, mouthwash, and certain other everyday chemicals. They have to be charged or d??d wherever you are so you have to stop and plug yourself into the wall. They beep during meetings and work time. Your parole officer may call and say “come meet me in this nearby city right now”, jeopardizing your job, which jeopardizes your parole) and find transportation to the parole officer.

[Insert: doodles, math calculating the %completion for each day here to be 0.136986%]

Recovery class was another 80s movie that lacked any credibility of academic or scientific validity. “The Wall of Denial” by R. Zumwalt. Some phases lack the feature of refutability required by science: “you are not open to criticism” or “you are in denial”. Nothing can be said to dispute their correctness; any reply is automatically received as proof of denial. Also noticed that all their examples of drug use are from people who say they’re motivated to use drugs to mask pains or to hide emotional traumas; they never bring up drugs for the sake of health reasons (meth for weight loss), recreation, spiritual awakenings, or new ways of thinking (Steve Jobs; Native American peyote use). Am I in denial in thinking of these things? By the rubric of this 80s video: yes. By a scientific one: maybe. Need to ponder more on this. Am I establishing my own propositions that are non-refutable? What if C-A-T really spelled dog? (since we’re giving credibility to 80s movies anyway…)

Another thing I hate is how those 80s videos keep saying drug use is solely selfish behavior. While I was using I never stole anything from anyone else; I organized a large family reunion (>200 people from 10+states), volunteered on various genealogy website (Find-A-Grave, Ancestry), volunteered for GLSEN, etc. I did not neglect my family or friends – at least not anymore than at various times in life when I wasn’t using drugs. I did let some friendships lapse for lack of care and feeding. What that selfish? In the history of the world, has no person let a friendship lapse without drugs? It seems that these programs trap you psychologically by matching experiences you had while on drugs with their general principles, but really these experiences also happen when you’re not on drugs and to people who have never done drugs. Can I “recover” from meth use with out adopting these anti-intellectual/false principles and amateur mind games?

Can someone be successful at recovery by shunning all these poorly-thought through moral or health arguments against drug-use and focusing solely on the item of singular importance: simply that it is illegal? Even if the state’s choice of what “life aids” are illegal or legal is arbitrary and capricious, it is what it is in law now and for that reason alone, I need to stay away from meth. Or is that the non-refutable denial?

The curriculum here is akin to reparative therapy or being bled to “restore the balance of humors”.

H.R. McMaster fired. John Bolton, war criminal from the Bush II days, to replace. Karen McDougal gives interview of her adultery with Donald Trump. DJT Jr getting a divorce – ha. Horrible people getting what they deserve. Hope in-bred judge gets some karma too. Another citizen summarily executed by militarized police: Stevante Clark. Shot 20 times in his grandmother’s backyard holding a cellphone in Sacramento. 22 years old, no weapon.

Fri, 23 Mar 2018 [176 + 554]

A pox on Judge Susan Strong, Liar and Betrayer of Justice.

Starting reading “Anti-Intellectualism in American Life”. Loving it so far.

Had a discussion with JH about SP. It seems that he lacks the capability of taking care of himself. He’s like 26 years old, but has the maturity of a 16 year old and a very low intelligence/wisdom score. He’s been in Nebraska prison for six years. JH thought it was for weed possession. I wonder what his maturity and IQ/EQ were back when he came into prison! Nebraska seems to have done nothing to make sure he acquired any life skills that one would normally acquire between leaving high school and adulthood while holding him in captivity for those years. He doesn’t know how to clean up after himself and lacks the self-respect or initiative to do it. He can barely read and write and has almost no logic skills; though he’s oddly capable with mechanics and minor electronics repair/tinkering. Perhaps it’s all an elaborate ruse. He has awkward socialization toolset, including odd giggling when presented with serious information from others. He does almost anything anyone tells him to do (e.g. massaging JDLC’s feet, taking the blame for drugs belonging to others,…) He has been stuck in prison system for years longer than he should have (13-18 failed UAs in a row). Shame on the State of Nebraska for ruining a kid’s life. Thus is the character of Nebraskans.

Nebraska accused of purchasing murder drugs (Midazolam) to conduct state-sponsored murders from sources using deception. ACLU is suing. Would like to follow this issue. Ask B to sign me up in the NE ACLU website for news? I wonder if the state employee who tried to conduct this drug buy will get 4 – 6 too? HAHAHA.

Count didn’t start until almost 5pm and even by 545pm we still were locked down and not allowed to use the bathroom. Nebraskans lack honor and humanity. The miserable bitch on our unit could say nothing but “go back to your room” as we were not allowed to pee for over two hours! Count started at 4pm (although it was impossible for most people to use the bathroom even earlier than that given there are only three places to piss for over 48 people and I didn’t get to pee until 6:04pm. Rumor mill in the lunch room was that it was locked down for a medical emergency. You’d think going to the bathroom would be one of those things covered by the Geneva Convention. I’m sure good old Nebraska would find a way around it, even if it was.

Dinner was decent when we finally got it: a hamburger, hard baked beans, sour cream & onion chips and only an only-partially decomposed apple. Oh, plus the best part, an ice cream sandwich. That must have been a donation because it expires in three days. Burn in the 9th Circle of Hell, Demon Susan Strong.

Sat, 24 Mar 2018 [177 + 553]

I wonder if Voodoo Dolls work?

Slept most of the day. Talked to mom and dad. Been too wet to do much on the house. Dad is going to hire a crew to help law the foundation blocks. The HSA and 401k people didn’t accept the second POA either. She’s going to send me the letters and I’ll write them directly.

Sun, 25 Mar 2018 [178 + 552]

Start of SAU week #4. Told BRD about my book idea. He told me the story of a guy who had moved out of Nebraska and one day was stopped for traffic violation and they arrested him for a warrant in Nebraska. He said in county jail for a year or so, lost his house, his job, and in the end they gave him a fine and less jail time than he had already spent in the county jail. It’s a vindictive, ridiculously petty state that will ruin someone’s life with not a shred of thought about the value of it and waste their own taxpayer’s money housing them for years. For what? It certainly does not qualify as justice. I think it’s more about milking their taxpayers.

Perhaps mention the various bills Nebraskan legislators have debated on TV, like no courtroom rights for young adults to be able to emancipate from toxic parents, or to give taxpayers money to religious private schools, or to require a state registry for people who are allowed to massage horses in the state!! (that’s real – I watched it!)

Seems like Senator McCarthy was born about 60 years too early. Now our government really is infiltrated by Russian puppets and there’s no one to investigate it. Bolton as NSA shown to have given speeches to/for Russian oligarchs between leaving as Ambassador to UN and now.

Don’t drink the water in Nebraska – it tastes like algae. Also, they don’t know how to do clean plumbing in Nebraska. Every drain in the state that I’ve encountered smells like the decay of humanity. Not a causal whiff if you get too close, but an overwhelming slap across the face from across the room with something like an elephant house crossed with a cemetery.

80k metric tons of garbage now in the Pacific trash “city”. It’s now like 2x or 3x the size of France. A big chunk is fishing nets and debris from the 2011 tsunami in Japan.

Started some draft writing on a letter to the Innocence Project. Watched the Stormy Daniels episode of “60 Minutes”. Watched newest episode of the “The Kennedy’s” and “The Pope” and “Trust” (Getty Family Saga).

Mon, 26 Mar 2018 [179 + 551]

Discussed topic of judgment in small group – judgment of categories and stereotypes being unfair and unhelpful. I added in response to A that all judgment was not bad; judgment of an individual based on their own character or behavior is prudent. Even judgment of an individual on characteristics of their group is prudent, if that individual chooses participation in the group of his/her own free will and will full knowledge of the characteristics and behaviors of that group. It’s only the judging of individual people based on characteristics and behaviors of groups that they have no choice being in that is unfair and unwise. I said something else again alter, but can’t remember what it was. Oh, yeah… it was about “reframing” time spent hiding or smoking cigarettes in a car by someone afraid of going into their house to deal with a stressful situation as “recharge” or “preparation” time. Instead of beating yourself up for not doing something as fast as someone else’s judgment thinks you should do something. I hate control freaks/Nebraskans. These are some of the worst human being alive – who are they to tell others how the should conduct their affairs. It’s the blind and trashy leading the powerless.

The Recovery class was a video about the impacts of drug, alcohol, cigarettes, and over-eating having on the 11 systems of the body: (1) skeletal, (2) muscular, (3) lymphatic, (4) integumentary, (5) digestive, (6) respiratory, (7) cardiovascular, (8) nervous, (9) urinary, (10) reproductive, and (11) endocrine). At least this was a subtle acknowledgement that the law doesn’t have any connection or authority over what’s right or healthy. It’s just about control. They could have mentioned one of Nebraska’s main exports to the world as in the same category as unhealthy and addictive: high fructose corn syrup or Nebraska’s recent (illegal) import: Midazolam (a murder drug). But still – progress.

Tue, 27 Mar 2018 [180 + 550]

Had to get up at 6am to give blood. They said it was in advance of physical with a Dr. Ogden next week. Two vials of blood and 25cc of piss.

18 scaramuccis down, 55 to go.

Alton Sterling, a black man, was executed by Baton Rouge police officers Howie Lake II and Blane Salamoni in August 2016. No charge will be brought against murders Lake and Salamoni by KKK-AG Jeff Landry.

Steroid-head from room A2 got pissy after we sorted laundry today because some of the bags had fallen onto the floor because there were so many and they weren’t picking them up. I told him they fell when his roommate came to get the first armful of bags, which wasn’t true. He started or continued his rant without reacting to my speaking that to him, so I just walked away and came back after he took a load of them to his room.

Criminal and Addictive Thinking class was ridiculous as usual. That class is designed for fifth-graders; it also suffers from its foundation in erroneous conflation of criminality with drug use. I think that has been discarded by modern scholarship – in the same dustbin as leeching and reparative therapy.

Lopes, the heroin-addict CO is here tonight. He is very weird – definitely something going on there. He is beautiful though!

Wrote IIR to refill [medicine] and [medicine]. Also wrote a second one requesting jugged water because water on the unit has algae in it and that is bad for my health. We’ll see what happens.

Roommates are having a debate over which one of them is the dumbest based on who can spell the best or worst. I think SP will win their contest. I’m not sure it’s really all dumbness – probably a bit of severe attention deficit with a side of learning disability.

I love Stephen Colbert’s “Steve Mnuchin” impression – makes me laugh until I cry. Watergate-guy Ben-Veniste said Trump’s new nickname in Washington is “Sparky”.

“No man is a hero to his valet” (David Gergen)

Wed, 28 Mar 2018 [181 + 549]

My IIR for a jug of clean water was denied – said “work with unit staff”. UCW Shademan thought it was pretty funny, as did P.

Wrote an action plan last night per the instructions of Omdinger/Thiel at the last primary counsellor meeting. Had four objectives from each of the mind, body, and spirit domains (another mind/spirit). Handed it to Omdinger at 958am on Wed. Also, a tornado drill this morning.

Talked to UCM Carroll about the algae in the water. Took my cup with water from the machine that had a strong and obvious smell of algae. She seemed receptive to getting it fixed. I offered to do a test to verify if it was the water side, the ice side, or both.

Talk to RR at the track for about an hour. Seems like 1 year of parole is going to be correct. Maybe even 8 mos with some special 10 days for every 30 days rule – just need to see if that applies to the inter-state compact transfers. It feels good to be planning for leaving this Hellscape; but then hope dies again quickly when I remember how much time is left.

Still no reply from that goddamn bankruptcy attorney or Weird Harold’s CD place. Fuck them.

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 [182 + 548]

“Beware of (things?) cloaked in religion or the flag for they more often cloak despots than (patriots?) – uncredited, but spoken by NE Senator Schumacher on NET NE legislature debates where they debated whether to require Civics/”Americanism” education and testing.

Small group was a bitch session about not getting sent to the next facility of choice. No one wants to go to W.E.C. One member of the group refused WEC transfer this morning because he wanted to go to CCCO. Recovery class was all about a movie called “The Neurochemistry of Recovery and Relapse”. It was actually decent and seemed fairly updated. Must have been some accident at the central office to get something made after 1953.

Woman kills three people in Omaha and get’s probation (Douglas County) – Rhonda Boyco? Beauceau? Follow-up on this. Was she wealthy? Was she a friend of a judge, lawyer, or cop? Cunt Judge Susan Strong who barked about justice should explain how drug use gets you 4 -6 years and multiple homicide: nothing.

Rick Wilson, Republican strategist about Trump’s wall samples in California: “douche-henge”. Re: Trumps’ second attempt to say he’s already started building the wall with tweets of pictures from a repair project.

New bunkmate arrived today. OMG – eye candy central. Straight, it seems; but I love him anyway. 😛

Jim Gaffigan on a second child: “it’s like drowning and then someone throws you … a baby”. (as told by guy on late night with James Corden). About Trump: quos Deus vult perdere, prius dementat.

Fri, 30 Mar 2018 [183 + 547]

CAT I is such a stupid class. There is no getting around it. Mmmm… bunkmate is so yummy. The kitchen dropped a whole bin of chicken while I was in the lunch line. I wonder which unit will get served that gross mess. You know they won’t through it out, like they should

Almost forgot about the funniest thing today. I was awoken by BRD hollering at SP, who had gotten up early for his turn at cleaning day. But he used the bathroom mop instead of the “cell” mop. The hollering was loud and over the top but SP dealt with it pretty calmly (mostly). Anyway, when I got up, I saw SP looking defeated and mumbling about the chastisement, so I tired to him up with a “<sniff> why does it smell like piss in here?” Of course, he didn’t get the joke at first, so I explained I was giving him a hard time about the mop mistake. Later in the morning, when he and BRD were in the room and SP was being dumb about something else, I brought up the “smell of piss” again. This time he just grinned, but BRD caught it and relived it again, but was a little more moderate in temperament. SP made the statement “well, I didn’t know you had to look at special symbols on the mop” to discern their purpose. I started laughing and said those “special symbols” are letters and you put them together and get words and the words form sentence and thoughts…” BRD cracked up and SP got it after a few minutes too. So that has been the joke all day “special symbols” are all around us. Truth be told, I didn’t realize that there was a mop labeled “cell” and one labeled “bathroom” either, so I couldn’t fault SP.

Bunkie was from Portland too. He was going from Portland to Virginia with weed and heroin and a gun and he was previous felon and he got 4-5 years. AHHHHHHHH. Susan Strong, you despicable whore.

Sat, 31 Mar 2018 [184 + 546]

PBS News Hour from today had an interesting article where they interviewed a NASA water expert. Dismal news for the future: more hydrological extremes: more flooding, more droughts, more forest-fires, more hurricanes. All those will bring more civil unrest as places deal with these catastrophes. More ‘Day 0’ issues like Cape Town deals with.

Hot bunkmate talked a bit about himself. He was living in Portland too and went on a trip back to his family in VA with marijuana and heroin. He had a flat tire and NE state trooper, instead of offering help, called for a drug dog. He lived around the Fredericksburg. He liked Vegas a lot too.

Talked to mom and B. She sent a card with pictures last week – so should be getting here soon. She sent my 401k information earlier this week and will send the HSA information this week. They are going to be pouring the foundation on Monday. They’ll be moving into K&C’s cabin by May 1st so they can sell their house. PD will be there to help her with some packing.

My roomie JF gave me an idea to make Thai noodles by mixing some peanut butter in the cup of soup. It was really good!!